will i even make it to 25... i'm seriously having to ask myself this question. i'm HORRIFIED now that there's a chance of my parents and even ***GRAND***parents outliving me. if i had known my "life" would turn out this way... I WOULDN'T HAVE *TRIED* SO FUCKING HARD + NAIVELY TO MAKE THINGS BETTER!

i have so many things going wrong with me rn that if i tried to list them all here i'd hit the text limit -- it's THAT *BAD*.

we don't even have to be fighting for this to happen. it could literally be something as mundane and inoffensive as discussing CHRISTMAS DECORATIONS/CRAFTS-,,,,,,,,?!$#

SHE LITERALLY TREATS ME LIKE I'M A STUPID BABY WITH NO BRAIN, THEN REFUSES TO ADMIT I HAVE A DISABILITY!!! i'm sorry but *W HAT*?!

all those years of memories, friends, and hardwork from my early days in the jjba fandom just,, , gone.

locked inside a safe i no longer have the code to open (because it was ripped away from me for literally *no reason* -- i feel like i have to keep emphasizing that-)

i've just accepted now that I ain't **ever** gettin' that shit back.................... 😔😅

already got hit with the "i don't ***HAVE*** a son" ...

well, guess what **I** don't have (ANYMORE.) </3333

what would he think, what would he feel...?

i'll never know. i'll quite literally ****NEVER**** KNOW..... and it hurts. i'm almost **embarrassed** by how much it affects me -- his lack of physical, material (in the reality sense) presence...

what would he say, if i **were** to be lucky enough to catch his eye...?

would he (dare i imagine) admit outright that i possibly endear or inspire him (maybe as much as the joestars with my noble cause)? or... would he *avoid* me -- the thought of something deeper never even crossing his mind? 💔💔

i told myself i'd get this jealousy of mine under control......... (SBSHSJSKHSHS)