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The Hard Times @thehardtimesnews.bsky.social · 23d

Burnt Out Teacher Way More Excited for Career Day Presentations Than the Kids

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Burnt Out Teacher Way More Excited for Career Day Presentations Than the Kids

Local over-worked teacher Jason Nance was far more interested in her class’s Career Day presentations than her own students.

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The Hard Times @thehardtimesnews.bsky.social · 24d

The Hard Times Guide To Tricking Your Summer Fling Into Listening to Pulp

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The Hard Times Guide To Tricking Your Summer Fling Into Listening to Pulp

Ah, summer is in the air, and so is opportunity - the opportunity to meet someone new and exciting, and turn them into a Pulp fan. But how will you subtly go about introducing this person to the most ...

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The Hard Times @thehardtimesnews.bsky.social · 24d

New Disneyland Attraction Just Roped off Area for Couples To Scream at Each Other

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New Disneyland Attraction Just Roped off Area for Couples To Scream at Each Other

Disney celebrated the grand opening of its newest park attraction today, consisting of a roped off area in the middle of the Magic Kingdom for couples to scream at each other.

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The Hard Times @thehardtimesnews.bsky.social · 28d

Anti-Vaxxer Finally Gets Shot

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Anti-Vaxxer Finally Gets Shot

Conservative activist and noted anti-vaxxer Charlie Kirk finally received a shot while delivering a speech in front of brainwashed students at Utah Valley University earlier today.

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The Hard Times @thehardtimesnews.bsky.social · 29d

Born Again Crust Punk Baptized in Sewage

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Born Again Crust Punk Baptized in Sewage

Local born again crust punk Richard “Skuz-Dixx” Vanderbilt was recently baptized in sewage after deciding to reenter the Church of Latter-day Stains.

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The Hard Times @thehardtimesnews.bsky.social · Sep 8

The Next Alex Jones? This Parrot Learned To Say “Deep State”

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The Next Alex Jones? This Parrot Learned To Say “Deep State”

Does anyone want to buy a parrot? He’s a beautiful blue and yellow macaw, very well-behaved, enjoys grapes, and, unfortunately, he knows how to say “Deep State.” And it’s the only thing he knows how t...

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The Hard Times @thehardtimesnews.bsky.social · Sep 8

RFK Jr. Claims He Can Tell a Child Is Unhealthy Just by Licking Them

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RFK Jr. Claims He Can Tell a Child Is Unhealthy Just by Licking Them

Health and Human Services Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. claimed that he could tell a child is unhealthy just by licking them.

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The Hard Times @thehardtimesnews.bsky.social · Sep 4

Stephen Miller and Mr. Beast Entering Hour 72 of Soulless, Dead-Eyed Staring Contest

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Stephen Miller and Mr. Beast Entering Hour 72 of Soulless, Dead-Eyed Staring Contest

The contest between White House deputy chief of staff Stephen Miller and YouTube superstar Mr. Beast shows no signs of winding down at the close of its third day.

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The Hard Times @thehardtimesnews.bsky.social · Sep 4

Trump Says if Americans In D.C. Don't Start Cooperating He Will Call in the IDF

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Trump Says if Americans In D.C. Don't Start Cooperating He Will Call in the IDF

President Trump threatened the residents of the nation’s capital by saying that if they don’t fall in line and obey the orders of American law enforcement agencies he will be forced to call in the IDF...

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The Hard Times @thehardtimesnews.bsky.social · Aug 28

CNN Premium Subscribers Given News Stories a Week Early

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CNN Premium Subscribers Given News Stories a Week Early

Major media outlet CNN began offering news stories a week early for subscribers to their premium service.

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The Hard Times @thehardtimesnews.bsky.social · Aug 25

Report: Teachers More Triggered by “Back to School” Advertisements Than Their Students

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Report: Teachers More Triggered by "Back to School" Advertisements Than Their Students

A report released by the National Education Association on school preparedness found that U.S. teachers were exponentially more likely to have a nervous breakdown over the sight of “back to school” ad...

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The Hard Times @thehardtimesnews.bsky.social · Aug 21

SpaceX Engineer Explodes at Desk

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SpaceX Engineer Explodes at Desk

A mechanical engineer at SpaceX spontaneously exploded while quietly working on a CAD drawing.

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The Hard Times @thehardtimesnews.bsky.social · Aug 20

Misogynist Who Can’t Get a Second Date Starting to Wonder if Maybe It’s Him, in Addition to the Liberal Media

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Misogynist Who Can’t Get a Second Date Starting to Wonder if Maybe It’s Him, in Addition to the Liberal Media

Local misogynist Bryce Turner is starting to suspect that he, in addition to MSNBC, are to blame for his inability to convince a woman to be in his presence for even a second longer than absolutely ne...

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The Hard Times @thehardtimesnews.bsky.social · Aug 19

Man Who Sold Burned CDs of Limewire MP3s Out of His Locker Arrested After Decades Long Manhunt

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Man Who Sold Burned CDs of Limewire MP3s Out of His Locker Arrested After Decades Long Manhunt

Local man Jason Ulbrych was arrested after being accused of selling burned CDs out of his locker full of MP3s he downloaded off of Limewire while he was a teenager.

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The Hard Times @thehardtimesnews.bsky.social · Aug 19

Whoops: We Sat Down With Jason Voorhees Because We Thought He Was a Member of Slipknot

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Whoops: We Sat Down With Jason Voorhees Because We Thought He Was a Member of Slipknot

Oh man, we really need to do more research before we set up our interviews. To be fair, we are not huge nu-metalheads, but that’s…

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The Hard Times @thehardtimesnews.bsky.social · Aug 19

Woman’s Morning Positive Affirmations Replaced with Fiona Apple’s 1997 VMAs “This World is Bullshit” Speech

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Woman's Morning Positive Affirmations Replaced with Fiona Apple's 1997 VMAs "This World is Bullshit” Speech

Local woman Ashleigh Deacon officially replaced her morning positive affirmations with the entirety of Fiona Apple’s 1997 MTV Video Music Awards “This World is Bullshit” speech.

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The Hard Times @thehardtimesnews.bsky.social · Aug 6

Rock Bottom or Peak Performance? This Dad Just Ate All the Uncrustables at Kid’s Birthday Party

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Rock Bottom or Peak Performance? This Dad Just Ate All the Uncrustables at Kid’s Birthday Party

Local Dad Matt Fredricksen was recently busted for eating all the Uncrustables at his daughter Kayla’s 5th birthday. Naturally, Matt’s antics have left the people divided — did he finally hit rock bot...

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The Hard Times @thehardtimesnews.bsky.social · Aug 6

ICE Agent Gets Wounded Veteran License Plates After His Feelings Are Hurt

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ICE Agent Gets Wounded Veteran License Plates After His Feelings Are Hurt

Local ICE agent Tony Stockton added wounded veteran plates to his Ford F150 after getting his feelings hurt in what he referred to as “the Battle of San Bernadino.”

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The Hard Times @thehardtimesnews.bsky.social · Jul 31

Concerning: New Boyfriend’s Sex Playlist Just 3 Locust Songs Long

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Concerning: New Boyfriend’s Sex Playlist Just 3 Locust Songs Long

Local 29-year-old Reema Cordero was alarmed to find that her recently official new boyfriend has a sex mix that is reportedly only a few Locust tracks.

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The Hard Times @thehardtimesnews.bsky.social · Jul 29

Apple Watch Congratulates Local Oaf for Standing

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Apple Watch Congratulates Local Oaf for Standing

Local lummox Andrew Creosote felt a vague sense of accomplishment Tuesday morning when he uncharacteristically stood up triggering a congratulatory message from his Apple Watch.

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The Hard Times @thehardtimesnews.bsky.social · Jul 23

GWAR Concert Goes Viral After CEO of Tech Start Up Caught Having Affair on Analingus Cam

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GWAR Concert Goes Viral After CEO of Tech Start Up Caught Having Affair on Analingus Cam

BOSTON — Viral footage from GWAR’s popular Analingus Cam supposedly shows a tech CEO engaged in a lewd sexual act with his mistress, multiple people…

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The Hard Times @thehardtimesnews.bsky.social · Jul 23

In Light of Stephen Colbert’s Politically Motivated Cancellation I’m Taking a Stand and Unsubscribing From Paramount Plus as Soon as “Dexter: Resurrection” Wraps up and I Watch “Pet Semetary 2” and a Couple Other Movies
thehardtimes.net/blog/in-ligh...

In Light of Stephen Colbert’s Politically Motivated Cancellation I’m Taking a Stand and Unsubscribing From Paramount Plus as Soon as “Dexter: Resurrection” Wraps up and I Watch “Pet Semetary 2” and a ...

For those of you not aware, CBS has just cancelled “The Late Show” a show that has been one of the most-watched late night shows since it first aired 32 years ago. The network claims this is a “financ...

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The Hard Times @thehardtimesnews.bsky.social · Jul 23

Millennial Woman Who Starts and Ends Each Day With 3 Hours of Screen Time Really Into Mindfulness, Self-Care

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Millennial Woman Who Starts and Ends Each Day With 3 Hours of Screen Time Really Into Mindfulness, Self-Care

Local 34-year-old Meris Johnson reportedly stares at her phone for hours at a time in the morning and evening despite constantly championing her mindfulness and self-care routine.

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The Hard Times @thehardtimesnews.bsky.social · Jul 23

Sharon Osbourne Says Ozzy Still Has 10–20 Good Shows Left in Him

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Sharon Osbourne Says Ozzy Still Has 10–20 Good Shows Left in Him

Sharon Osbourne believes that her recently deceased husband Ozzy Osbourne still has enough juice in the tank to keep touring and performing for at least another year.

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