Thomas J. Padden
@thomasjpadden.com
Aspiring writer, fledgling filmmaker, determined artist, professional cat dad.
Active ingredients: wiggles & silly buggers
Active ingredients: wiggles & silly buggers
Pinned
Thomas J. Padden
@thomasjpadden.com
· Feb 26
In 1984, MI6 obtained genetic material from all four of the Beatles. After discarding Ringo's, their DNA was used to make England's most handsome man. All of which was an attempt to produce an adequate 007 successor for Connery. Little did MI6 know they had accidentally invented Paul Hollywood.
September 27, 2025 at 1:38 AM
In 1984, MI6 obtained genetic material from all four of the Beatles. After discarding Ringo's, their DNA was used to make England's most handsome man. All of which was an attempt to produce an adequate 007 successor for Connery. Little did MI6 know they had accidentally invented Paul Hollywood.
Alright, kids, listen up. If you're gonna steal booze, just do what we always did. Drill a hole through the wall of the liquor store where they keep the good stuff and drink whatever comes out.
August 11, 2025 at 12:28 AM
Alright, kids, listen up. If you're gonna steal booze, just do what we always did. Drill a hole through the wall of the liquor store where they keep the good stuff and drink whatever comes out.
When in doubt, pass out!
August 2, 2025 at 1:55 AM
When in doubt, pass out!
1. Harry Potter Finds a Rock
2. Harry Potter Finds the Basement
3. Harry Potter Goes to Jail
4. Harry Potter Goes to the Olympics
5. Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
6. Harry Potter in High Noon at Mega Mountain
7. Harry Potter Scared Stupid
8. Harry Potter and the Return of the King
2. Harry Potter Finds the Basement
3. Harry Potter Goes to Jail
4. Harry Potter Goes to the Olympics
5. Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
6. Harry Potter in High Noon at Mega Mountain
7. Harry Potter Scared Stupid
8. Harry Potter and the Return of the King
July 27, 2025 at 10:17 PM
1. Harry Potter Finds a Rock
2. Harry Potter Finds the Basement
3. Harry Potter Goes to Jail
4. Harry Potter Goes to the Olympics
5. Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
6. Harry Potter in High Noon at Mega Mountain
7. Harry Potter Scared Stupid
8. Harry Potter and the Return of the King
2. Harry Potter Finds the Basement
3. Harry Potter Goes to Jail
4. Harry Potter Goes to the Olympics
5. Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
6. Harry Potter in High Noon at Mega Mountain
7. Harry Potter Scared Stupid
8. Harry Potter and the Return of the King
My favorite audio book is Cardi B's WAP, as read by Ben Shapiro.
July 25, 2025 at 11:21 PM
My favorite audio book is Cardi B's WAP, as read by Ben Shapiro.
Open that binder and RELEASE THOSE FILES!
July 24, 2025 at 5:11 PM
Open that binder and RELEASE THOSE FILES!
That's why they call me "Floor Cookies"
July 24, 2025 at 12:08 AM
That's why they call me "Floor Cookies"
Babe, you didn't even finish your Ecto Cooler.
July 23, 2025 at 4:10 AM
Babe, you didn't even finish your Ecto Cooler.
Charo is my spirit animal.
July 21, 2025 at 5:31 PM
Charo is my spirit animal.
What the hell is Peach doing with all those power stars anyway?
July 20, 2025 at 11:29 PM
What the hell is Peach doing with all those power stars anyway?
A moth just flew out of my seltzer water. Still drinkin' it.
July 17, 2025 at 6:10 AM
A moth just flew out of my seltzer water. Still drinkin' it.
Schrödinger's Epstein files
July 16, 2025 at 8:46 PM
Schrödinger's Epstein files
How do you get cat vomit off of a Rembrandt?
July 15, 2025 at 6:13 PM
How do you get cat vomit off of a Rembrandt?
My air conditioner just shut off on its own. Set it to power saver, but it's still creepy in here.
July 15, 2025 at 4:20 AM
My air conditioner just shut off on its own. Set it to power saver, but it's still creepy in here.
Breakfast? For dinner? Are you outta your - sheesh! Breakfast for dinner. I can't begin to - wow. Breakfast for dinner? Breakfast for din - who even?
July 14, 2025 at 7:44 PM
Breakfast? For dinner? Are you outta your - sheesh! Breakfast for dinner. I can't begin to - wow. Breakfast for dinner? Breakfast for din - who even?
Uh, dirrty (dirrty)
Filthy (filthy...)
Nasty
Christina, you nasty (yeah)
Too dirrty to clean my act up
If you ain't dirrty
You ain't here to party (woo!)
Filthy (filthy...)
Nasty
Christina, you nasty (yeah)
Too dirrty to clean my act up
If you ain't dirrty
You ain't here to party (woo!)
July 14, 2025 at 12:05 AM
Uh, dirrty (dirrty)
Filthy (filthy...)
Nasty
Christina, you nasty (yeah)
Too dirrty to clean my act up
If you ain't dirrty
You ain't here to party (woo!)
Filthy (filthy...)
Nasty
Christina, you nasty (yeah)
Too dirrty to clean my act up
If you ain't dirrty
You ain't here to party (woo!)
July 12, 2025 at 3:23 PM
They call it a Veyronimus Rex. A cross between a Tyrannosaurus Rex and a 2011 Bugatti Veyron. It's unstoppable.
July 11, 2025 at 8:35 PM
They call it a Veyronimus Rex. A cross between a Tyrannosaurus Rex and a 2011 Bugatti Veyron. It's unstoppable.
Life is like a box of chocolates. Some people taste good, some people taste bad, but we're all gonna get eaten.
July 10, 2025 at 4:26 PM
Life is like a box of chocolates. Some people taste good, some people taste bad, but we're all gonna get eaten.
July 6, 2025 at 3:50 PM
Baby, baby, baby
When you touch me like this
*castanets*
And when you hold me like that
*castanets*
It was gone with the wind, but it's all coming back to me
When you touch me like this
*castanets*
And when you hold me like that
*castanets*
It was gone with the wind, but it's all coming back to me
July 6, 2025 at 2:41 AM
Baby, baby, baby
When you touch me like this
*castanets*
And when you hold me like that
*castanets*
It was gone with the wind, but it's all coming back to me
When you touch me like this
*castanets*
And when you hold me like that
*castanets*
It was gone with the wind, but it's all coming back to me
July 5, 2025 at 5:48 PM
Watching foreign films all day today, bay-bay!
July 4, 2025 at 4:19 PM
Watching foreign films all day today, bay-bay!
God, I'm so depressed. I was looking forward to this for years, spent thousands of dollars, and trained rigorously, only for some idiot to go and spoil the ending to Mario Kart World.
July 3, 2025 at 8:20 PM
God, I'm so depressed. I was looking forward to this for years, spent thousands of dollars, and trained rigorously, only for some idiot to go and spoil the ending to Mario Kart World.