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Valet Parker * Las Vegas

@valetparker.bsky.social

6.9K followers 1.7K following 3.6K posts

An acquired taste. Very complicated. Delightfully shitty. Surprisingly nerdy and introverted. 💻 https://www.yourvegasvalet.com 💅🏻 https://thesnarkyseductress.com 📧 [email protected] 🎁 https://throne.com/valetparker 💸 Cashapp $ValetParker777

www.yourvegasvalet.com

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Valet Parker * Las Vegas @valetparker.bsky.social · Dec 14

Moved over to Throne!!

⚡️New wishlist⚡️

#throne #wishlist throne.com/valetparker

Throne | Valet Parker | My Wishlist

Send Valet Parker gifts via Throne. Browse Valet Parker's favorite products listed on their Throne Wishlist via throne.com.

throne.com

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Valet Parker * Las Vegas @valetparker.bsky.social · 3d

If you can"t be the sharpest tool in the shed, you can always be the hoe

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Valet Parker * Las Vegas @valetparker.bsky.social · 4d

My toxic trait is that I get excited when people are mean to me because now I get to be even meaner.

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Valet Parker * Las Vegas @valetparker.bsky.social · 4d

Here’s some great life advice.

If someone wants to treat you like a toy,
be Annabelle.

a doll in a wooden box with a sign that says " warning positively do not "

ALT: a doll in a wooden box with a sign that says " warning positively do not "

media.tenor.com

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Valet Parker * Las Vegas @valetparker.bsky.social · 4d

Dating is just slowly realizing you’d rather be alone with delivery and WiFi.

Valet Parker * Las Vegas @valetparker.bsky.social · 4d

My toxic trait? I think screenshots are an Olympic sport and I’m going for gold.

Valet Parker * Las Vegas @valetparker.bsky.social · 4d

I only dissociate at work Monday through Friday from 9 to 5. I’m a professional.

Valet Parker * Las Vegas @valetparker.bsky.social · 4d

If you’re trading dignity for brunch and a ride home, congrats—you’re undercharging.

Valet Parker * Las Vegas @valetparker.bsky.social · 4d

Newsflash: it doesn’t. Y’all peaked in the group chat, and we’re just living rent-free in your recycled bitterness.

Valet Parker * Las Vegas @valetparker.bsky.social · 4d

It’s always the ‘not escorts’ dragging escorts, same photographer, same poses, same group alibi, now with the added bonus of calling yourself an influencer or ‘atmosphere model’ like that somehow earns you moral high ground.

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Valet Parker * Las Vegas @valetparker.bsky.social · 4d

“Follow the directions,” Hart concluded, sighing into a pile of post-appointment spreadsheets. “It’s not a personality test. It’s not a suggestion. It’s not performance art. It’s literally the difference between a good night and a story we’re all still recovering from.”

Valet Parker * Las Vegas @valetparker.bsky.social · 4d

clients who threaten bad reviews if their demands aren’t met are the most likely candidates for lifetime bans and permanent residency on every provider blacklist. Early findings? Shockingly… yes. Turns out, tantrums are not a good look, no matter how much you call it assertiveness.

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Valet Parker * Las Vegas @valetparker.bsky.social · 4d

“It’s like discovering water is wet,” said Hart. “We’ve spent years perfecting our craft, curating our spaces, and setting clear expectations. And yet, time and again, some clients act as though deposits are suggestions and consent is optional.”

In related news, scientists are exploring whether

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Valet Parker * Las Vegas @valetparker.bsky.social · 4d

•100% of providers collectively agreed that the remaining 13% could have been avoided entirely if clients had simply acknowledged the bolded, highlighted, italicized instructions already provided on their website.

Experts are calling the results “shocking, revelatory, and, frankly, overdue.”

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Valet Parker * Las Vegas @valetparker.bsky.social · 4d

experience.

•87% of clients who ignored directions found themselves unable to book a reputable provider at all, or had her leave early the moment they asked, “So… what’s on the menu?” as if reading the website was optional and she existed to fulfill every fantasy instantly.

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Valet Parker * Las Vegas @valetparker.bsky.social · 4d

Participants in the study were asked to rate their experiences after appointments ranging from “Exhilarating, ten out of ten” to “Why did I think ignoring instructions was charming?” Among the highlights:

•92% of clients who actually read and followed directions reported a seamless, enjoyable

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Valet Parker * Las Vegas @valetparker.bsky.social · 4d

of someone who has survived eighteen consecutive texts asking for rates, availability, incall, and the infamous ‘you up?’ “It turns out that actually reading the FAQ, respecting deposit policies, and honoring boundaries dramatically increases the chances of a good experience. Shocking, I know.”

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Valet Parker * Las Vegas @valetparker.bsky.social · 4d

and follow instructions consistently report having the “best experiences” and, shockingly, are less likely to be blocked, ghosted, or publicly shamed on social media.

“We were absolutely floored,” said Dr. Penelope Hart, lead author of the study, pushing up her glasses with the weary precision

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Valet Parker * Las Vegas @valetparker.bsky.social · 4d

Study Finds Clients Have Best Experiences When They Follow Provider Directions, Scientists Shocked

In a groundbreaking discovery that has rocked the adult services industry, researchers have confirmed what providers have known for decades: clients who actually read a provider’s website

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Valet Parker * Las Vegas @valetparker.bsky.social · 4d

Hear me out

A few hundred of us who hate ICE should “join up,” act super patriotic, then quietly leak raid locations like it’s the world’s most chaotic group project.

Think Ocean’s Eleven, but everyone’s bilingual and morally employed.

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Valet Parker * Las Vegas @valetparker.bsky.social · 4d

Well??

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Valet Parker * Las Vegas @valetparker.bsky.social · 4d

Thank you!

Reposted by Valet Parker * Las Vegas

Valet Parker * Las Vegas @valetparker.bsky.social · 7d

When I screen and verify a booking request and, without me even asking, he bypasses the deposit and just sends the full amount… congratulations sir, you’ve officially unlocked VIP Client Energy™. 💕

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Reposted by Valet Parker * Las Vegas

Valet Parker * Las Vegas @valetparker.bsky.social · 7d

Very demure, very mindful

If you want to see me this month you better get those booking forms in. Plan ahead as my dance card for the month is almost full……

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Reposted by Valet Parker * Las Vegas

Valet Parker * Las Vegas @valetparker.bsky.social · 8d

Fresh blowout and makeup free, besides the rose Vaseline on my lips 💕

I actually love being lazy and not wearing makeup.

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Valet Parker * Las Vegas @valetparker.bsky.social · 5d

Funny how y’all want to liberate workers but not the ones who have receipts of your embarrassing kinks.

The revolution will not be televised because you can’t handle HD exposure of your foot fetish.

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