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At halftime, Jacob voiced his concerns. "What do you have to be worried about? Just keep up those three pointers like always," quipped Bret. "Live by the three, die by the three," Jacob said. "I just think we need to surprise them with something in the second half. They've got our strategy now, so we need to change it up." He rubbed at his face and hair with a dry towel. "We're in the lead. I don't think we need to worry that much. The Columbia scrimmage was this close, too," said Charlie. "Columbia isn't Middleton, though." Derek's deep voice resonated through the locker room. "I agree with Jacob. Something's up."
October 21, 2025 at 5:31 PM
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Jacob's advantage was gone. The air left his lungs all at once. "What the fuck," he managed to say. "Why would you-" but he couldn't complete the question. The saliva dried up in his mouth making it impossible to speak. "Why do you think?" Seth asked, muffled by his sleeves. "Cat's out of the bag now, I guess." Jacob sputtered. "I don't get it. Is this a joke?" "I guess this day can't get any worse," said Seth, into his arms, resigned. "I like you Jacob. I've had a crush on you since the beginning of last year. When I noticed your 'straight casanova' thing might be an act, it bothered me. I didn't think I had a chance in hell -- I mean, you're so fucking popular -- but I wanted to at least find out if I was right. That's why I talked to you. I didn't think anything would..." Seth's voice faded, followed by a sniffle.
October 16, 2025 at 3:11 PM
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"Well?" Jacob asked the first question that came to mind, "What happened to you?" "Like you even care," Seth spat back. Jacob bristled. He wanted to not care. He thought he didn't. He shouldn't, but for some reason Seth's conviction that he didn't rankled him. "Of course, I care!" he retorted. "Right, like you're the only person who's allowed to punch me?" Seth's voice dripped with disdain. "That's not... ugh!" This was not going the way Jacob had planned. "That's not what I needed to talk to you about." "What, then? I need to get to class," said Seth.
October 15, 2025 at 7:31 PM
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This was a bad idea, Jacob thought as soon as they were inside. The air was stiflingly hot, and the crush of bodies up against him made his skin crawl. As they pushed through, someone bumped into him and spilled what smelled like rubbing alcohol down the front of his shirt. The guy looked up at him bleary-eyed and mumbled a 'sorry' before disappearing into the crowd. "Fuck!" That was a great start to the night. "The kitchen's this way," said Dana. "We'll get you cleaned up." They got out of the fray and Sarah helped Jacob soak up most of the alcohol with a paper towel. "Do you want a drink?" asked Dana. "No, I don't think so," said Jacob. "Maybe later. I destroyed myself last weekend."
October 13, 2025 at 5:56 PM
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Sarah threaded her fingers through his and clung to his arm. "Well, you are in for a treat. This is one of Shakespeare's most fun plays." "So, not like Mr. Warnock teaching Hamlet," he joked. He had studied Shakespeare in English, but he'd never seen it in action. He'd always found the language hard to follow, and had an easier time with subjects like math and chemistry. The doors to the theater opened and all the waiting patrons that had slowly trickled into the lobby flowed through to find their seats in the half-light. Red curtains hung along the walls of the auditorium, and across the stage at the front. The seats were normal, fold-down theater seats like Jacob was used to in the movie theater. At Sarah's suggestion, the two of them sat together in the center of the auditorium. A low murmur of conversation rippled through the audience. More people filtered through the doors, filling the audience to about half full.
September 11, 2025 at 3:26 PM
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"I know your secret," Seth said with a sing-song cadence. Jacob's stomach dropped out. He couldn't mean what Jacob thought he meant, right? "You what?" He could feel his fingers getting cold. "What secret? You don't even know me." "I already know why you don't shower with the rest of the team, I didn't need to ask." Jacob's heart pounded in his chest. The rush of blood in his head drowned out the thunder of the pouring rain. "I know you aren't interested in the girls you sleep with, *Casanova*." He couldn't hear anything except Seth's voice. He couldn't see anything but his world crumbling in front of him. "I know --"
July 4, 2025 at 6:39 PM
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Jacob's heart swelled at the outpouring of support from his teammates in defense of Seth. His boyfriend. His. As he sat next to his girlfriend. It hit him how fucked his situation was, but he couldn't bring himself to be bothered by it at the moment. He wished it could just stay like this. With his team defending Seth. He never expected it. He knew how homophobic Bret usually was, but he just assumed where the rest of the team stood. Somewhere inside his carefully constructed walls, a crack appeared. James addressed Seth, "It would be incredibly helpful for you to film, if you have the time." "It would be no problem at all," Seth said. "I already have a steady-cam for my phone, and I can edit it together when it's done so you guys can get the most out of it."
July 24, 2025 at 4:43 PM
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James circled them up as cheers from the crowd leaked through the gym doors. "We dropped the ball yesterday," James began. Bret let out a sarcastic 'Che' sound, and James gave him a sharp look. "WE dropped the ball yesterday," James said again, emphasizing the 'we.' "We need to go out there as a team, and all do our part. They are better than we expected, and now they know where our weaknesses are." That a few of his teammates, even Derek, peeked at him from the side, did not escape Jacob's notice. Whether they blamed him or not, they all knew he messed up yesterday. "We can do this," James continued, "but we have to work together. If someone is having a hard time, the rest of us must pick up the slack. We can't depend on one player to carry us." That stung. Even James knew he wasn't pulling his weight on the court, though he would never say it. "This is it, guys. Let's win this."
July 31, 2025 at 3:42 PM
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He released Sarah and told her he had to go home. She kissed him gently and let him go. Her words swarmed through his head all the way home. Would she understand if he told her? Would she support them? Had Seth corrupted her, or was she right and his father was wrong? Sarah was so devoted. She actually spent time reading her bible. Despite years of bible study through the church, he couldn't say the same. He let people with more knowledge than him interpret the scriptures. For most of his life that had been his father. Did that include Sarah, now? How had he been so sure his desires counted as a worse sin than the other things he did? What he felt for Seth didn't feel wrong. It was more than just the physical. They hadn't even done anything, really. It was just how Seth made him feel; like he mattered as a person, and was right and whole exactly as he was. Sarah, in her own way, managed to reinforce that. She didn't deserve to be kept in the dark.
August 24, 2025 at 5:15 PM
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"He's got it fucking bad," Derek's deep voice supplied. He almost never spoke. Jacob sat down on the bench next to his locker and slumped over, his elbows resting on his knees, and his head hung low. "I mean, it's Sarah Fucking Williams, so I get it, but fuck, man." Bret peeled his jersey off. "I know," Jacob rasped. Jacob felt a hand on his shoulder and looked up to find James. His short curls were shiny with sweat, but his green eyes were calm and earnest. He was a good captain, and always seemed to Jacob a lot more mature than his seventeen years suggested. Jacob had been offered the position of team captain at the end of last year. He was again grateful he had turned it down. James was a much better captain than he ever could have been.
July 12, 2025 at 6:58 PM
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"Me n' Jessica go shopping down there sometimes. We're less likely to run into anyone we know. I was wearing a rainbow shirt I had just bought -- Target has been bringing back their stock like that lately -- and some dude called me a 'fag' from across the parking lot." Despite his other friends' frequent use of the word, it sounded worse to Jacob coming from Seth. "I flipped him the finger and me and Jessica headed to her car. We didn't see them coming. They must have run across the parking lot to reach us --" Seth stopped mid sentence. Jacob looked over. Seth's face was flushed again and his lips were pressed tightly together. His hand was on the floor between them, fingers digging into the carpet. Jacob reflexively put his hand out and curled his fingers over Seth's.
August 7, 2025 at 3:03 PM
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Icy claws gripped Jacob's gut. He rubbed suddenly clammy hands on the legs of his jeans. Had Bret somehow noticed? "Shut up, I'm not a fucking fag," he said. *Not like him, anyway,* he thought, glaring across the hall at the blond boy in question, Seth Thompson. It wasn't a lie, exactly. Jacob didn't know him, but he knew of him. And he hated him. Seth was contrary to everything Jacob wanted for himself. He was flamboyant; he was unapologetic; he was out. He broke every rule that Jacob held himself to, apparently without consequences. A mop of jaw-length blond curls framed his radiant face, his blue eyes crinkling at the corners from his broad grin. Jacob could see small rainbow studs peaking out from beneath his curls. When Seth turned, Jacob could see they were in both ears. *How stereotypical,* Jacob scoffed to himself. Jacob didn't think a person could be more obviously gay if they tried. Seth was everything Jacob wasn't, and yet he seemed so happy. It grated on Jacob.
August 28, 2025 at 2:32 PM
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He noticed the boxwood bushes that lined the yard between Seth's townhouse and the next, and the overgrown rose bushes in the small stretch of garden against the front wall. The yard was otherwise completely empty. The siding was pale grey with bare windows curtained on the inside with heavy drapes. The houses on either side were freshly painted, with pale yellow on one side and sky blue on the other. Seth's house looked worn, with nicks and dents in the siding from past storms. Jacob, surprised that he hadn't noticed it before, found the house incompatible with the glowing, cheerful Seth who stood before him, unlocking the door. "My dad won't be home 'till six," Seth said over his shoulder. The aluminum storm door rested against his back as Seth opened the inside door onto a dark hallway. "Do you want anything to eat?"
September 19, 2025 at 3:25 PM
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The memory of the warmth of Seth's lips blocked everything else out of Jacob's mind. "God Dammit!" he shouted at the night. *Don't take the Lord's name in vain, Jacob.* Jacob found himself running. His breaths came sharp and ragged and his heart couldn't keep up. The world spun around him and he had to stop, his arm outstretched to support his weight against a street lamp. His stomach churned. He tried to slow his breaths but he couldn't. His body rebelled against him and he heaved into the gutter. Weak and damp from the rain, he leaned back against the street lamp. Seth had felt so good. He knew what he was missing. He could refocus his efforts, but there was no way he could forget how that felt. There was no going back.
July 16, 2025 at 3:06 PM
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The dining room was full of tables, most of which were already taken by the team and the cheerleaders. All of the furniture in the room was made of a cheap, light wood with heavy grain. Wallpaper with small pink flowers covered the walls. Jacob and Seth joined Sarah at a table with two other cheerleaders. "Did you have trouble finding your room?" Sarah asked when they sat down. "Not really, I just made the mistake of lying down on the bed. I'm still tired," Seth supplied. "I practically had to drag him down here," Jacob said. It concerned Jacob sometimes how easy it had become for them to lie. The longer this went on, the harder it would eventually be to tell the truth.
August 13, 2025 at 3:29 PM
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Jacob skimmed his short bio. Seth had been doing local theater since he was five years old and hoped to one day be in movies. Why hadn't Jacob known that already? He barely knew anything about Seth. What were his interests? What was his favorite movie? Where did he want to go to college? Jacob hadn't ever considered "after." Did it matter? He would go to Northwest Nazarene and this would all be a nice fantasy, a dream, he could carry with him as he went on to live his real life. "Jacob! You're here!" He looked up to see Sarah bouncing over to him. "It surprised me when Seth mentioned he had invited you. Do you like theater?" He shrugged, "I've never seen a play."
August 11, 2025 at 4:10 PM
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"Nope," said Jacob. "There's a limit to the number of players that can be on the roster, but that number is twenty. You only need five on the court at a time. It's why they have different ranked school conferences. We're in a Four A because of the size of the school, but that doesn't help us get people to join the team." "That's totally unfair," complained Seth. "How are you supposed to compete against that? It has nothing to do with skill." Sarah sat down on Jacob's other side. "Jake, you should stay off that until the swelling goes down." She took his hand and leaned her head on his shoulder. "I'm sorry you guys lost. If they have such an unfair advantage, that will just make it that much sweeter when you beat them at State."
September 23, 2025 at 2:59 PM
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"I had a reason!" He shouldn't have said anything. He should just get up and leave Seth to brood about whatever went down. "Fuck! Fine! Yes, there was a reason. I don't want to talk about it," Seth growled. Jacob didn't have a clue why it bothered him so much that someone ran out on Seth. He shouldn't care. It was so far from being his business he should have to get on a plane to find out anything more. Seth was right. They had agreed to leave each other alone, so what the hell was Jacob doing? He had to know why a guy would run out on Seth; besides his own reason, of course. The guy had obviously gone upstairs with Seth willingly. In fact, it had looked like he'd been the one to suggest it. Had he been playing a prank? Had he been mean to Seth? "Why don't you want to talk about it? Did he do something to you?" he asked.
September 24, 2025 at 3:14 PM
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"Nah. As long as I can have it cleaned up by Sunday night, it should be fine. Now that I'm eighteen, my parents suddenly got a lot cooler about this stuff. I just hope no one breaks anything. Come on, relax, and have a drink." Dana led them inside into the crowd. This was a bad idea, Jacob thought as soon as they were inside. The air was stiflingly hot, and the crush of bodies up against him made his skin crawl. As they pushed through, someone bumped into him and spilled what smelled like rubbing alcohol down the front of his shirt. The guy looked up at him bleary-eyed and mumbled a 'sorry' before disappearing into the crowd. "Fuck!" That was a great start to the night. "The kitchen's this way," said Dana. "We'll get you cleaned up."
August 17, 2025 at 8:27 AM
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"I'm sorry," Jacob said, breaking from her gaze and studying the ground in the dying light. The quiet rush of Snake River filled the silence. "You don't have to apologize for that," she said. "It's not something you can help." *Not for lack of trying*, he flinched at her words. Her confidence cut into him. If he couldn't help it, there was no fixing it. "I didn't want to be this way," he whispered. "I always believed - I was always taught - that if I believed hard enough, worked hard enough, I could make these feelings go away. I could choose; but that's just not true, is it? I wanted to be a man my dad could be proud of." She pursed her lips, stared at the river, and twisted her fingers in the grass. "Your dad is wrong."
July 27, 2025 at 6:21 PM
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"What was she like?" Jacob fought back a lump in his own throat. He couldn't imagine losing his mother in such a horrible way. "She was kind. She always had positive things to say about everyone, no matter what. She supported me in anything I wanted to do. She always told me that she and dad would love me no matter what. I think that's why my dad was so cool about me coming out; because mom would have been." Of all the people in his own family, Jacob thought of his own mother as the only person he could ever be truthful with. His mother was the one who stood up for him when he wanted to play basketball, after all, but he also couldn't ever put his mother in the position of having to keep anything from his father. It was her responsibility, and her honor, to support her husband first in all things.
August 4, 2025 at 3:36 PM
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"Just the two of us?" Jacob noticed Seth deflate almost imperceptibly at his worried tone. His heart ached that he couldn't be excited about the idea of them going out together alone. "It doesn't have to be. I can invite Sarah, too, and maybe Jessica. You haven't really hung out with her yet." Seth studied himself in the mirror as he attached one of the prosthetic ears. "Of course, I'll go." Jacob could still see the hurt in Seth's face in the mirror. "I wish it could be just us, too." "I know," Seth said. Jacob's words didn't appear to make a difference. "I've gotta get changed. You should get out of here before someone comes in and asks questions." Jacob left without another word.
September 17, 2025 at 3:07 PM
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"Then why do you do it?" Jacob could feel the bed move against his back as Seth shifted. The scent of Seth's shampoo followed. "It's harder trying to be anyone else. This is me. This is part of who I am. I'm not going to be somebody else and force myself to like people I don't like just so I can fit in." "It's not just so I can fit in," said Jacob, gripping his cup so hard it buckled in his fist. "It's so I don't burn in Hell. It's a fucking sin, man." "So's having sex out of wedlock and you've already fucked that one up pretty well," Seth smirked. "Besides, you don't honestly believe all that shit anyway, do you?"
July 6, 2025 at 8:11 AM
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Miles sat in the living room watching the evening news, as he did most nights. Jacob had no idea how to start. He didn't even want to have this conversation, but if he avoided it, he risked his father thinking something even worse. He stood beside the couch, lost for words. Miles looked up at him and gestured for him to sit down. "I am going to have to talk to Deacon Perry about that girl," he said. "I'm surprised, given Arthur's standing in the church." "She didn't mean anything by it," Jacob said. "Oh, didn't she!" Miles's breath came sharp and heavy, but he collected himself again. "You like her, though," he said, by way of apology. "Yes," Jacob said.
August 27, 2025 at 3:11 PM
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"Well, I wasn't really held back. It was more like I started late. I didn't talk until I was four and a half, and my mom wanted to give me a chance to catch up to the other kids before putting me in school. Since she was a stay-at-home mom anyway, it wasn't a big deal. It just means I'm a year older than everyone now. I try not to talk about it much." This was the most Jacob had talked about it in all the time he lived in Middleton. Somehow it was easier to tell Seth things than it was to talk to most people. Maybe it was because Seth already knew his deepest secret. "You know what this means, right?" Seth said, almost bouncing where he sat. He had a mischievous look in his eyes, but Jacob had no idea where he was going. Jacob gave him a confused look. "It means I'm jailbait! Oh, man, I could have fun with this." Seth's grin was contagious.
July 23, 2025 at 2:32 PM