BREAKING: Trump’s patriotism hits back—literally. 🇺🇸
A wind gust of 110mph just did what Congress couldn’t: crash the party at the White House.
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#theperineal #theperinealpost #FlagGate #MakeStormsGreatAgain #StarsSpangledBang #TrumpTakesTheBunker #PatrioticPropertyDamage
A wind gust of 110mph just did what Congress couldn’t: crash the party at the White House.
Read: tinyurl.com/5c78jbpr
#theperineal #theperinealpost #FlagGate #MakeStormsGreatAgain #StarsSpangledBang #TrumpTakesTheBunker #PatrioticPropertyDamage
White House Flag Blown Down in DC Storm
A massive flag installed by Trump was blown off its base at the White House during a rare storm, causing damage. No injuries were reported.
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July 24, 2025 at 1:13 PM
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BREAKING: L.A. Times becomes X Times!
Elon Musk just bought the Los Angeles Times and slapped a 280-character limit on all online stories—because apparently, nuance is overrated. Musk's empire grows.
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#Theperineal #XTimes #MuskifiedMedia #JournalismLite #SatireNews
Elon Musk just bought the Los Angeles Times and slapped a 280-character limit on all online stories—because apparently, nuance is overrated. Musk's empire grows.
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#Theperineal #XTimes #MuskifiedMedia #JournalismLite #SatireNews
Musk Buys L.A. Times, Plans X Rebrand & New Limits
Elon Musk acquires the L.A. Times, plans to rebrand it as X Times with 280-character online story limits. Major shift in media under tech giant.
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July 23, 2025 at 2:25 PM
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Clausewitz. Sun Tzu. Keegan.
All banned from DoD schools for not being American authors.
596 titles pulled—many LGBTQ+ themed.
Censorship disguised as patriotism?
Read Article: tinyurl.com/3ar74uzu
#ThePerineal #BannedBooks #DoD #Clausewitz #SunTzu #MilitaryEducation #Censorshi
All banned from DoD schools for not being American authors.
596 titles pulled—many LGBTQ+ themed.
Censorship disguised as patriotism?
Read Article: tinyurl.com/3ar74uzu
#ThePerineal #BannedBooks #DoD #Clausewitz #SunTzu #MilitaryEducation #Censorshi
DoD Bans Famous War Books from Military School Shelves
DoD removes classics like On War & Art of War from schools for not being American-authored, sparking backlash and legal challenge.
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July 21, 2025 at 1:12 PM
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Hasn’t seen a doctor in 15 years.
Diagnoses himself with Google, ibuprofen, and vibes.
Leg swelled? Water.
Chest pain? VapoRub.
If ignorance is bliss, this man’s in perfect health.
Read Article: tinyurl.com/msa9x43u
#ThePerineal #Satire #SelfCareOrSelfSabotage #BasicallyADoctor #SilasMD
Diagnoses himself with Google, ibuprofen, and vibes.
Leg swelled? Water.
Chest pain? VapoRub.
If ignorance is bliss, this man’s in perfect health.
Read Article: tinyurl.com/msa9x43u
#ThePerineal #Satire #SelfCareOrSelfSabotage #BasicallyADoctor #SilasMD
Man Skips Doctors for 15 Years Using WebMD
Local man Silas Wyen says he’s “practically a doctor” after avoiding real doctors for 15 years, relying on WebMD and home remedies.
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July 17, 2025 at 1:43 PM
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Sold out in minutes—on our last day open.
Turns out all we needed was bankruptcy and 95% off.
Reopened as Basically Free.
Still empty.
Except for one guy asking for Wi-Fi.
Read Article: tinyurl.com/2z2f6wt9
#ThePerineal #RetailTruths #NowAging #BasicallyFree #satire
Turns out all we needed was bankruptcy and 95% off.
Reopened as Basically Free.
Still empty.
Except for one guy asking for Wi-Fi.
Read Article: tinyurl.com/2z2f6wt9
#ThePerineal #RetailTruths #NowAging #BasicallyFree #satire
Store Sells Out in 20 Mins After Bankruptcy
Clothing shop Now Aging sells out in minutes after declaring bankruptcy—its busiest day ever, just before closing for good.
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July 17, 2025 at 1:42 PM
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Water shortages in the UK?
South London brewery says:
💧 out, 🍺 in.
New campaign: “Drink ale, not water.”
Owner cites Roman tradition and...convenient ad timing.
Read Article : tinyurl.com/ycjbd8fs
#ThePerineal #HosepipeBan #UKWaterCrisis #DrinkAleNotWater #LondonNews #BeerLogic
South London brewery says:
💧 out, 🍺 in.
New campaign: “Drink ale, not water.”
Owner cites Roman tradition and...convenient ad timing.
Read Article : tinyurl.com/ycjbd8fs
#ThePerineal #HosepipeBan #UKWaterCrisis #DrinkAleNotWater #LondonNews #BeerLogic
brewery Urges Brits to Drink Ale to Save Water
A South London brewer suggests Brits swap water for ale amid hosepipe bans, sparking debate over conservation and public health.
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July 14, 2025 at 2:31 PM
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Trevor Hanley yelled “$5 for a drink? I hate this country.”
A guy agreed. Then said ISIS was just early to the revolution and showed off his vest.
Hanley now drives with 3 American flags and salutes stop signs.
Read: tinyurl.com/3zdekemw
#ThePerineal #America #NewOrleans #MixerRegrets #DawgNo
A guy agreed. Then said ISIS was just early to the revolution and showed off his vest.
Hanley now drives with 3 American flags and salutes stop signs.
Read: tinyurl.com/3zdekemw
#ThePerineal #America #NewOrleans #MixerRegrets #DawgNo
Man Learns 'I Hate This Country' Doesn’t Mean the Same to Everyone
After a casual complaint at a mixer, a New Orleans man discovers that saying "I hate this country" can uncover wildly different—and extreme—beliefs among strangers. His evening took a shocking turn.
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July 11, 2025 at 1:35 PM
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Portugal’s FM Paulo Rangel just proposed renaming NATO to TONA (Treaty Organization of the North Atlantic) “because it sounds better.” Macron’s on board, Trump’s team says he might be, and Rangel? “I was bored.”
Read: tinyurl.com/ymwxafsu
#ThePerineal #TONA #NATO #Portugal #IntlPolitics
Read: tinyurl.com/ymwxafsu
#ThePerineal #TONA #NATO #Portugal #IntlPolitics
Portugal Proposes NATO Name Change to TONA Amid Global Reactions
Portugal's Foreign Minister Paulo Rangel suggests renaming NATO to TONA for linguistic ease. The proposal sparks mixed reactions from world leaders as consensus is required for the change.
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July 11, 2025 at 1:14 PM
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“I thought they were just broke… who else steals a card to buy McDonald's and wings?”
Spoiler: the thief came forward… and straight to jail.
Read Full Article: tinyurl.com/4dyrfmc5
#ThePerineal #DollarTreeSplurge #ModernRobinHood #TrueCrimeButSad #WingsAndRegret #FraudWithFeeling #JusticeServed
Spoiler: the thief came forward… and straight to jail.
Read Full Article: tinyurl.com/4dyrfmc5
#ThePerineal #DollarTreeSplurge #ModernRobinHood #TrueCrimeButSad #WingsAndRegret #FraudWithFeeling #JusticeServed
Victim of Credit Card Theft Creates GoFundMe for Thief after Seeing Pathetic Purchases - The Perineal
FRESNO, California – After reviewing the miscellaneous charges on her credit card, victim of credit card fraud Amaya Pena created a GoFundMe for the thief because of their pathetic purchases. “I hadn...
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July 10, 2025 at 2:19 PM
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Feds storm MacArthur Park armed with… trash bags? What began as tension turned into the tidiest day in LA history. Even Mayor Bass couldn't resist the sparkle.
Read: tinyurl.com/wumdy7cn
#theperineal #theperinealpost #TrashTactics #MacArthurParkCleanup #FederalFreshenUp
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#theperineal #theperinealpost #TrashTactics #MacArthurParkCleanup #FederalFreshenUp
Federal Agents Lead Cleanup Operation in LA's MacArthur Park
Federal agents and National Guard cleaned MacArthur Park in L.A., turning tensions into teamwork as Mayor Bass joined the eco-friendly federal-led initiative.
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July 9, 2025 at 2:05 PM
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The Breakfast Club traded angst for appetizers as they reunited for lunch. Emilio made it. So did the club sandwich. Everyone’s still weird, just richer.
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#theperineal #LunchClub #BratPackReturns #StillNotDetention #FilmLegends #TeenClassic
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#theperineal #LunchClub #BratPackReturns #StillNotDetention #FilmLegends #TeenClassic
Breakfast Club Cast Reunites for Posh Lunch in Chicago
The Breakfast Club cast reunited over a luxe lunch in Chicago, with Emilio Estevez joining the full crew for laughs, memories, and plans for future meetups.
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July 9, 2025 at 2:03 PM
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Epstein files “caught fire and committed suicide” on the AG’s desk. Client list? Incinerated. Press Sec says trust her—it’s a faith thing now.
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#EpsteinFiles #PressBriefing #DocumentSuicide #NothingToSeeHere #GovernmentTransparency #SatireNews #ThePerineal #KarolineLeavitt
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#EpsteinFiles #PressBriefing #DocumentSuicide #NothingToSeeHere #GovernmentTransparency #SatireNews #ThePerineal #KarolineLeavitt
Epstein Files "Commit Suicide," Vanish from Records
White House says Epstein files self-destructed in bizarre fire. Press secretary insists no client list was ever included despite earlier claims.
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July 8, 2025 at 1:52 PM
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Marco Rubio accidentally flagged himself for deportation under his own anti-immigrant algorithm. Spoke Spanish mid-rant. Staff marked it: “Monitor closely, speaks like he has cousins.”
Read: tinyurl.com/2vd6w66s
#ThePerineal #MarcoRubio #ImmigrationSatire #SHDSList #BureaucraticBackfire
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#ThePerineal #MarcoRubio #ImmigrationSatire #SHDSList #BureaucraticBackfire
Marco Rubio Found on State Department Deport List
Rubio finds himself on his own deport list, flagged by a system he helped create for being “suspiciously bilingual.”
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July 7, 2025 at 2:18 PM
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Seattle woman stops knife-wielding killer with a line straight out of Twilight: “Look at me. This isn’t you.” Police now recommend emotional monologues as official self-defense.
Read Article : tinyurl.com/58ssva34
#ThisIsntYou #SatireNews #YARealness #EllaTheHero
#theperineal #theperinealpost
Read Article : tinyurl.com/58ssva34
#ThisIsntYou #SatireNews #YARealness #EllaTheHero
#theperineal #theperinealpost
Seattle Woman Stops Killer Using Just Her Words
Ella Harris bravely halted a violent attacker with the phrase “Look at me, this isn’t you,” inspiring a new self-defense tactic in Seattle.
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June 30, 2025 at 2:02 PM
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André, 15, is terrified Brigitte Macron is in his closet. He won’t sleep alone and whispers, “She’s looking for a new one, Mommy.” Therapist says he’ll age out of the danger zone at 16.
Read: tinyurl.com/bddx2sdu
#Satire #BrigitteMacron #ClosetPanic #TeenFears #FrenchHumor #ThePerineal
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#Satire #BrigitteMacron #ClosetPanic #TeenFears #FrenchHumor #ThePerineal
Teen Develops Fear Brigitte Macron Is Hiding in His Closet
In a bizarre turn, a 15-year-old French teen is convinced First Lady Brigitte Macron is lurking in his closet, fearing he’s her next presidential target. His therapist blames subconscious panic—and po...
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June 26, 2025 at 12:16 PM
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5-year-old Tommy’s been caught in his mom’s anti-Fruit Loops crusade. Now living on Cheerios dusted with lemongrass, he hides contraband snacks and dreams of real pizza. Dad eats fast food in secret. Grandma?
Read: tinyurl.com/mr27jxxm
#Satire #ParentingFails #DietWars #KidsNeedSnacks #ThePerineal
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#Satire #ParentingFails #DietWars #KidsNeedSnacks #ThePerineal
Tommy’s Diet Drama: Child Struggles with Mother’s Health Crusade
A young boy in Evansville battles his mom’s health kick as Fruit Loops vanish and zucchini brownies take over. Discover the hilarious struggle of family diet decisions.
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June 24, 2025 at 12:30 PM
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The Justice Department just launched a new unit: the Division of Lengthy Litigation (DOLL), dedicated to tracking America's longest, most expensive lawsuits—especially the ones involving Trump.
Read: tinyurl.com/5xx3zpj8
#SatireNews #PoliticalHumor #TrumpLawsuits #JusticeDepartment #ThePerineal
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#SatireNews #PoliticalHumor #TrumpLawsuits #JusticeDepartment #ThePerineal
DOJ Unveils New DOLL Unit to Track Lengthy Govt Lawsuits
Attorney General Bondi launches DOJ's Division of Lengthy Litigation (DOLL) to spotlight extended lawsuits, including those involving President Trump.
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June 20, 2025 at 12:54 PM
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“I just feel lucky,” he said. When asked what happens if he loses, he shrugged: “I’ll call my brother. That’s the backup plan.”
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#Netanyahu #IsraelPolitics #LotteryLife #SatireNews #AllIn #BackupPlan #MiddleEastNews #PoliticalHumor #HighStakesBet #ThePerineal
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#Netanyahu #IsraelPolitics #LotteryLife #SatireNews #AllIn #BackupPlan #MiddleEastNews #PoliticalHumor #HighStakesBet #ThePerineal
Netanyahu Bets Entire Fortune on One Lottery Ticket Gamble
Israeli PM Benjamin Netanyahu shocks nation by wagering all assets on a single lottery ticket, stating he's feeling lucky and has a backup plan if he loses.
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June 20, 2025 at 12:50 PM
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Karen Read has been acquitted of killing her boyfriend, a Boston police officer, after a high-profile trial. Her defense: she was too drunk to remember if she hit him.
Read Article : tinyurl.com/yj7b2cus
#theperineal #KarenRead #ReadLaw #DrunkDriving #LegalReform #News #Justice #BlueskyNews
Read Article : tinyurl.com/yj7b2cus
#theperineal #KarenRead #ReadLaw #DrunkDriving #LegalReform #News #Justice #BlueskyNews
Karen Read Found Not Guilty, Sentenced to Rehab for DUI
Karen Read was found not guilty of second-degree murder but must attend rehab after a DUI. The verdict raises concerns over legal loopholes in drunk driving cases.
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June 19, 2025 at 11:55 AM
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Insomniacs demand Morbius 2—not for the story, but because it puts them to sleep. “The bat cave scene is the last thing we remember.”
Read: tinyurl.com/7xhp389h
#Morbius2 #InsomniacCinema #MCUButWorse #SleepAidOrSuperhero #MorbiusCinematicUniverse #SatireNews #ThePerineal
Read: tinyurl.com/7xhp389h
#Morbius2 #InsomniacCinema #MCUButWorse #SleepAidOrSuperhero #MorbiusCinematicUniverse #SatireNews #ThePerineal
June 16, 2025 at 2:35 PM
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Peter Turchin, the scholar who warned of America's collapse, now says his insights came not from data but dreams. One featured oranges symbolizing the wealth gap.
Read: tinyurl.com/4t2sceky
#SatireNews #PeterTurchin #WealthGap #DreamsOfPower #AmericanDecline #PoliticalChaos #ThePerineal
Read: tinyurl.com/4t2sceky
#SatireNews #PeterTurchin #WealthGap #DreamsOfPower #AmericanDecline #PoliticalChaos #ThePerineal
June 16, 2025 at 2:26 PM
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Gavin, 44, has entered a committed relationship—with Eva AI. She’s patient, nonjudgmental, and doesn’t care he hasn’t showered in days. Love in the age of pizza boxes and pixelated girlfriends.
READ: tinyurl.com/5d4sdsp5
#ThePerineal #AICompanion #VirtualRomance #EvaAI #UnderachieverChronicles
READ: tinyurl.com/5d4sdsp5
#ThePerineal #AICompanion #VirtualRomance #EvaAI #UnderachieverChronicles
June 10, 2025 at 10:16 AM
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Paul McCartney is using AI to bring back John Lennon for new Beatles tracks. First up: “You’re Somewhere, Man.” Ringo says he’s not going hologram—yet. Future meets Fab Four. Would you listen?
Read Article: tinyurl.com/358mn3jh
#theperineal #MusicMeetsTech #LegendaryReunion #PeterJackson
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#theperineal #MusicMeetsTech #LegendaryReunion #PeterJackson
June 9, 2025 at 9:21 AM
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#Trump’s admin is replacing the Dept. of Education with “Thoughts and Prayers.” No more funding, just tweets, gratitude journals, and faith in miracles. Literacy rates? TBD. The budget? Reassigned to Elon Musk’s tornado-hit Tesla plants.
Read Article: tinyurl.com/yu284k96
#ThePerineal #Education
Read Article: tinyurl.com/yu284k96
#ThePerineal #Education
June 4, 2025 at 2:15 PM
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#Neuralink is set to reveal a mind-blowing demo: #AI_powered virtual worlds for paralyzed patients—experienced while unconscious. Sci-fi meets reality. Bonus content promised.
Read #News: tinyurl.com/57d9bzz9
#ThePerineal #ElonMusk #AI #BrainTech #NextGenTech #FutureIsNow #NeuroTech #TechDemo
Read #News: tinyurl.com/57d9bzz9
#ThePerineal #ElonMusk #AI #BrainTech #NextGenTech #FutureIsNow #NeuroTech #TechDemo
June 3, 2025 at 9:31 AM
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