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f*male b*tch 🇵🇸

@ahhmandah.bsky.social

2.3K followers 860 following 5.4K posts

just a brain floating in a jar of formaldehyde. you can't come to my birthday ok you can 📍 tāmaki makaurau aotearoa nz on te kawerau-a-maki land if you didn't vote stop reading this right now. you're grounded

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f*male b*tch 🇵🇸 @ahhmandah.bsky.social · 1h

it's henderson what can I say

f*male b*tch 🇵🇸 @ahhmandah.bsky.social · 1h

me: sorry she's not friendly to big dogs. can you please call him off

stanger: oh he's fine, don't worry

me: well he's gonna get his ass kicked. please call him back

stranger: get your dog under control

me: she's literally on a leash. while your dog harasses her

stranger: riley. RILEY. RILEY

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f*male b*tch 🇵🇸 @ahhmandah.bsky.social · 1h

distinctive wounds, terrifying, and can't easily be taken from you

f*male b*tch 🇵🇸 @ahhmandah.bsky.social · 3h

I have a pit mix and a handsaw by the bed, I'm good

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f*male b*tch 🇵🇸 @ahhmandah.bsky.social · 7h

I got another notification from my camera "someone has been spotted" but it just showed his back as he ran away when the security light turned on. appears to be the same guy who's come down driveway twice before but can't be sure. but can be sure that I'll chase him up the road myself if he returns

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f*male b*tch 🇵🇸 @ahhmandah.bsky.social · 8h

could she get any closer to my face before waking me up with a fake sneeze

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f*male b*tch 🇵🇸 @ahhmandah.bsky.social · 9h

it's testament to your leadership and dedication. you and Shane are both really active and transparent about what you do and how it all works. I think this is quite rare and people appreciate the fresh and open approach. congrats and thanks

Reposted by f*male b*tch 🇵🇸

Dr Tara McAllister @taramcallister.bsky.social · 1d

Fuck all the people who voted no to Māori wards

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f*male b*tch 🇵🇸 @ahhmandah.bsky.social · 9h

it's the only superpower I have

f*male b*tch 🇵🇸 @ahhmandah.bsky.social · 17h

Sicilian lemon pasta: spag, lemon zest & juice, garlic, stock, white & black pepper, chilli flakes, olive oil (do NOT make this unless you are a bad bitch)

f*male b*tch 🇵🇸 @ahhmandah.bsky.social · 17h

I can't wait to see what you do next Tory. you're a powerhouse with so much to offer. I suggest eating a ton of marshmallows tonight like I'm currently doing. ka pai tō mahi ❤️🌱

f*male b*tch 🇵🇸 @ahhmandah.bsky.social · 17h

photos please Lin

f*male b*tch 🇵🇸 @ahhmandah.bsky.social · 17h

fuck man I had the greatest hanami today. my old friend from uni had a bunch of us over as he planted his sakura 6 years ago and they're thriving. we loved it, the kids loved it, the dogs loved it. it was a pot luck and I made a sicilian lemon pasta and it all got et. I love my friends so much

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f*male b*tch 🇵🇸 @ahhmandah.bsky.social · 19h

why the fuck does this switchboard in my 1989 house look like it's from fucking 1920

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f*male b*tch 🇵🇸 @ahhmandah.bsky.social · 1d

I just saw an nz police wagon parked on the footpath as I walked my dog and as I approached I looked at them over the top of my glasses teacher-style and they immediately moved onto the grass verge. damn straight bitches that's a FOOTPATH not a carpark

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f*male b*tch 🇵🇸 @ahhmandah.bsky.social · 1d

yet again I have been awoken by this 29kg dog using my body as gym equipment in the night. Im gonna wake up to her bench pressing me one of these days

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f*male b*tch 🇵🇸 @ahhmandah.bsky.social · 1d

do you have ANY IDEA how cute this is?!?!?!

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f*male b*tch 🇵🇸 @ahhmandah.bsky.social · 1d

my dog is getting older and not so keen on walks after work anymore. yesterday we happily did 13,000 steps and tonight she absolutely could not even be fucked going up the driveway. I would feel too guilty to walk without her so we are on the couch being silly bums together watching horrors

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f*male b*tch 🇵🇸 @ahhmandah.bsky.social · 2d

you go a few weeks without eating properly and all of a sudden your beloved hot and spicy shin ramyun is HOT AND SPICY? what a rip off

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f*male b*tch 🇵🇸 @ahhmandah.bsky.social · 2d

haha that's nice to hear!!!

f*male b*tch 🇵🇸 @ahhmandah.bsky.social · 2d

unimpressed by being woken up by a scam call this morning. I often have project managers etc call me so I do answer unknown numbers. "yes hello ma'am this is your bank calling" which bank? "your bank ma'am" ohhh I get it, you're a dodgy little cunt who called me before 7am to scam me "no ma'am"

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f*male b*tch 🇵🇸 @ahhmandah.bsky.social · 2d

happy birthday!!

f*male b*tch 🇵🇸 @ahhmandah.bsky.social · 2d

sorry Julie, I can't today

"can't what"

can't

"what can't you do"

I can't do

"why can't you"

because I can't

f*male b*tch 🇵🇸 @ahhmandah.bsky.social · 2d

when I was deep in comedy with my bff before covid we banned him from coming to our show lol. no ragerts. miserable man alright

Hosking & Hawkesby banned share.google/YlDEVxD0V0jF...

Hosking & Hawkesby banned

The Comedy Festival officially kicks off this week and two cheeky Kiwi comedians are the publicity pot by announcing the celebs that aren’t allowed to atte

share.google

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f*male b*tch 🇵🇸 @ahhmandah.bsky.social · 2d

but not only did they all absolutely see, they all were cry laughing in there. one guy had to leave the room and crouch down in the hallway gasping for air. I would have been in hysterics too if it wasn't me it happened to