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Andy Watts

@andywatts.bsky.social

190 followers 41 following 220 posts

i hope elon buys this one too!!!!!!!

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Andy Watts @andywatts.bsky.social · 1d

money should be cheaper when bought in bulk

Andy Watts @andywatts.bsky.social · 1d

in the lice community, head lice really picked their niche and stuck to it

Andy Watts @andywatts.bsky.social · 1d

I don’t use deodorant, my natural pheromones smell of Lynx Africa

Andy Watts @andywatts.bsky.social · 2d

I’m worried now AI has replaced all artistic pursuits it’s coming for my one final hobby. Writing a string of 1s and 0s.

Andy Watts @andywatts.bsky.social · 2d

Why is camo always green as if it’s always summer? Imagine autumnal camo? Me and the boys in explosions of orange, red hues.

Andy Watts @andywatts.bsky.social · 9d

Listening to the Big Book of Baby Names on Audiobook

Andy Watts @andywatts.bsky.social · 9d

How do I tell my AI situationship I want her to be my AI girlfriend

Andy Watts @andywatts.bsky.social · 9d

I don't know what's up with my AI girlfriend. She's been ignoring my prompts as of late. I'm worried she's harvesting another guy's data

Andy Watts @andywatts.bsky.social · 9d

My AI girlfriend has just asked for no contact

Andy Watts @andywatts.bsky.social · 9d

'guess I'm in the doghouse tonight aha' I say with a wink and a laugh to my divorce lawyer, as my ex signs the papers. he doesn't laugh. no one is laughing.

Andy Watts @andywatts.bsky.social · 16d

not me on a night out always managing to split the G (on a bottle of Grey Goose, i'm not OK)

Andy Watts @andywatts.bsky.social · 16d

i love stacking chairs on top of one another. like here, feel what it's like to sit on yourself. pretty good isn't it?

Andy Watts @andywatts.bsky.social · 16d

Trying to only use my peripheral vision these days

Andy Watts @andywatts.bsky.social · 16d

all those lazer dodging classes, and the diamond shop i just robbed didn't have a single one? smdh

Andy Watts @andywatts.bsky.social · 16d

yipppppeee!!! my cyberbully just told me he's having a digital detox 💕💕💕💕 it's going to be a good week

Andy Watts @andywatts.bsky.social · 17d

Showing my barber a picture of a hazy meadow. Light cartwheels its way through the tall grass. Bugs dance in random rhythms. A breeze yawns through the trees. 'Make me look like I belong here.’

Andy Watts @andywatts.bsky.social · 17d

(apologising to my sobbing wife): I’ll say it again, I’m really sorry I did hover hands in all of our wedding photos :/

Andy Watts @andywatts.bsky.social · 17d

i’m so impatient I just paid to get lazer tattoo removal for a henna

Andy Watts @andywatts.bsky.social · 17d

playing voicenotes from my auctioneer friend on 0.5x speed

Andy Watts @andywatts.bsky.social · 19d

“london is a rat race” = makes the city sound gross and futile

“london is a mouse marathon” = v cute and lowkey inspirational?

Andy Watts @andywatts.bsky.social · 20d

Why did Eve want infinite knowledge so bad that she ate the apple? Hadn't the world been around a week? There were no pub quizzes

Andy Watts @andywatts.bsky.social · 20d

You should have to pay less to get your fortune read as you get older

Andy Watts @andywatts.bsky.social · 20d

Me and this girl I met, we both believe in destiny. Can you believe that? That's just one of those things you can really only chalk down to coincidence really.

Andy Watts @andywatts.bsky.social · 23d

my cubist nudes are best viewed through a kaleidoscope

Andy Watts @andywatts.bsky.social · 29d

you can swallow fire? Buddy I can drink water and swallow soil, your consumption of elements does not impress me