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dadsaysjokes.com
Dad Jokes
@dadsaysjokes.com
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Your go-to page for daily dad jokes 👨🤣
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Dad Jokes @dadsaysjokes.com · Aug 20
Shout out to everyone who can remember every word to some random 80s song but can't remember the password they created yesterday
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Dad Jokes @dadsaysjokes.com · 5h
I went for a job interview at UPS.

I said, "Sorry I'm late, I went to the wrong address" - and they made me regional manager.
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Dad Jokes @dadsaysjokes.com · 5h
What kind of car does a Jedi drive?

A Toy-Yoda.
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Dad Jokes @dadsaysjokes.com · 1d
I played our wedding video backward yesterday.

It really cheered me up to see how I take the ring off my wife's finger, get out of the church and go drinking with my best friends.
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Dad Jokes @dadsaysjokes.com · 1d
She said: It's the guys duty to pay the bill at the restaurant, that's why it's called MEN'U.

I said, nah, it's both our responsibility, that's why it's called, ME'N'U
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Dad Jokes @dadsaysjokes.com · 1d
Math is hard, 15+15 is thirty...

But 16+16 is thirty too.
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Dad Jokes @dadsaysjokes.com · 1d
My neighbor just yelled at her kids so loud that even I brushed my teeth and went to bed.
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Dad Jokes @dadsaysjokes.com · 1d
Parenting is a lot like the bar scene:

Everyone's yelling, everything's sticky, it's the same music over and over again, and occasionally someone pukes.
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Dad Jokes @dadsaysjokes.com · 1d
My boss said "You've been late 5 days this week. You know what that means, don't you?"

I said "I certainly do. IT'S FRIDAY!"
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Dad Jokes @dadsaysjokes.com · 1d
I was going to be productive... but then the
dog looked at me funny, so obviously
we had to sit on the floor and talk about our feelings.
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Dad Jokes @dadsaysjokes.com · 1d
Wife: I used to worry my husband would turn into a grumpy old man at 55.

But thankfully that won't happen - he's already reached that stage at 35.
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Dad Jokes @dadsaysjokes.com · 2d
13-year-old me: Don't tell me what to do!

Me now: Can someone please tell me, step by step, in full detail, exactly what I'm supposed to do?
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Dad Jokes @dadsaysjokes.com · 2d
When your wife decides to start a DIY project and 6 now you're an employee for a job you didn't apply for you don't get paid, and you can never quit...
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Dad Jokes @dadsaysjokes.com · 2d
The man who invented throat lozenges died last week...

There was no coffin at the funeral.
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Dad Jokes @dadsaysjokes.com · 2d
Did you know, if you garden naked your neighbors will build a privacy fence at no cost to you.

Follow me for more tips!
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Dad Jokes @dadsaysjokes.com · 2d
The only trustworthy person to keep a secret is your husband: he can't repeat it, since he didn't listen in the first place.
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Dad Jokes @dadsaysjokes.com · 3d
Respect people who wear glasses.

They paid money to see you.
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Dad Jokes @dadsaysjokes.com · 3d
There's nothing worse than having a
Cranberries song stuck in your heeeeeeead, in your heeeeeeead, in your head, in your head, in your head in your hea, hea, hea, head...
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Dad Jokes @dadsaysjokes.com · 3d
What's the worst thing about ancient history class?

The teachers tend to Babylon.
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Dad Jokes @dadsaysjokes.com · 3d
You think you know stress?

When I grew up, if you missed a TV show you just missed it.

Forever.
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Dad Jokes @dadsaysjokes.com · 3d
I've been trying to break up with an Optician recently…...it's really hard!

Every time I tell her I can't see her anymore she moves an inch closer and says: "How about now?"
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Dad Jokes @dadsaysjokes.com · 3d
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Dad Jokes @dadsaysjokes.com · 3d
I don't know why men go to bars to meet women..

Go to Target. The female to male ratio is 10 to 1 and they're already looking for things they don't need.
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Dad Jokes @dadsaysjokes.com · 4d
l've often heard that “icy" is the easiest word to spell.

Looking at it now, I see why.
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Dad Jokes @dadsaysjokes.com · 4d
I've changed my Facebook username to NOBODY...

So now when people post crap, I can press the 'like' button and it'll say NOBODY likes this.
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Dad Jokes @dadsaysjokes.com · 5d
Not to brag, but my winter body is already on point and it's not even November.
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