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Words No Parent Ever Wants to Hear

Frazzled Humor @frazzledhumor.bsky.social · 4d

Two weeks before Halloween, I popped a big tub of popcorn, fixed the girls some juice, and then we headed downstairs to the library to search for a fun, spooky movie.

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Parental Guidance When the Parent Is a Nincompoop

What Not To Do on a Friday

Frazzled Humor @frazzledhumor.bsky.social · 5d

If you’re trying to make some fun plans for Friday, I can’t tell you what you should do, but I can help you rule out one option.

By @aknott21.bsky.social

medium.com/frazzled/wha...

Please avoid no-fun Friday at all costs

I Didn’t Expect Fatherhood to Be Mostly Remembering Random Numbers Shouted at Me From Another Room

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Frazzled Humor @frazzledhumor.bsky.social · 5d

If you were to ask, say, one hundred brand new parents what they think will be the most rewarding moments of raising a child, you might get answers like “seeing our baby’s first smile”

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If you were to ask, say, one hundred brand new parents…

Frazzled Humor @frazzledhumor.bsky.social · 7d

Sleeping Beauty
Once upon a time, there was a very tired mom named Sleeping Beauty. She had recently replaced sleep with anxiety, restless leg syndrome...

By @lilyehirsch.bsky.social

medium.com/frazzled/fai...

Fairy Tales for Parents

Sleeping Beauty

Modern Horror Movies Rewritten by Parents, Part II

Frazzled Humor @frazzledhumor.bsky.social · 11d

The Menu (2022)

Remind yourself that it’s only a movie as you watch these parents attempt to survive a meal at a restaurant… with no children’s menu.

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Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the kiddie pool

Highlights From a Mom Talent Show

Frazzled Humor @frazzledhumor.bsky.social · 12d

Welcome, one and all, to the only talent show and place in general where moms take center stage. Tonight, they will perform things that they do every day. But this time, people will notice and clap.

By @lilyehirsch.bsky.social

medium.com/frazzled/hig...

Finally, some acknowledgement!

Do Not Let Your Mum Read This Book

Frazzled Humor @frazzledhumor.bsky.social · 13d

It’s too late for me, but save yourselves.

medium.com/frazzled/do-...

Urgent advice from a tortured teen

Tips for Surviving “Picking” Season

Frazzled Humor @frazzledhumor.bsky.social · 14d

Fall is a glorious season characterized by finally tolerable weather. So, what could be better than getting outside to go picking — fruits, vegetables, you name it.

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No one needs two bushels of apples, but now you have them, what should you do?

Breastfeeding a Fussy Stinkpot? A Step-by-Step Guide to Going on an Elimination Diet

Frazzled Humor @frazzledhumor.bsky.social · 15d

Are you struggling with breastfeeding? Do your nursing sessions look more like wrestling matches than tender mother-and-child bonding?

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Start with dairy, end with your sanity

I Love Halloween — Sadly, My (Rude) Toddler Does Not Share My Passion

Frazzled Humor @frazzledhumor.bsky.social · 19d

“Come over here, would you?” I broke my 2-year-old’s focus. She’d been deeply entranced in the book she was flipping through, but this was more important. This was time sensitive.

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She wants to dress as a cat this year, for Pete’s sake

10 Signs Your Toddler Isn’t Getting Enough Protein

Frazzled Humor @frazzledhumor.bsky.social · 20d

Their ideal lunch is fruit gummies, a juice box from concentrate, and something that contains one of the dyes recently banned by the FDA.

medium.com/frazzled/10-...

Their ideal lunch is fruit gummies, a juice box from concentrate, and something that contains one of the dyes recently banned by the FDA.

Doctors Laugh When You Take Your Daughter to the ER for Blinking Weird

Frazzled Humor @frazzledhumor.bsky.social · 21d

MOM (on phone): So, she’s just doing these really long, slow blinks. She says she can’t stop, but she’s three, so who knows.

medium.com/frazzled/doc...

A Tragedy in 3 Acts

How I Imagine the 21st Century College Experience Was Invented

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Frazzled Humor @frazzledhumor.bsky.social · 22d

Parent: We’re in a bit of a pickle. Since 1971, 18-year-olds have been considered legal adults. But now we know that the human brain isn’t fully developed until age 25. We need to find somewhere they can go until then.

By @jenniferhaubrich.bsky.social

medium.com/frazzled/how...

In a single conversation

School-Aged Children Finally Lead Fitness Trends

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Frazzled Humor @frazzledhumor.bsky.social · 24d

Summer ended a month ago, which means my kid just completed four weeks of carrying around a fully loaded backpack.

medium.com/frazzled/sch...

The window of recovery is limited to nights and weekends

Inner Monologues of Parents in the School Pickup Line

Frazzled Humor @frazzledhumor.bsky.social · 25d

Every day, I park in line and get out of my car to have loud conversations on my phone.

medium.com/frazzled/inn...

If the line is a microcosm of society, I’m sorry to tell you we’re all doomed

A Classic Children’s Book Series Has Me Questioning My Parenting

Frazzled Humor @frazzledhumor.bsky.social · 26d

It turns out the books are, at their core, escapist literature for parents.

By @aknott21.bsky.social

medium.com/frazzled/a-c...

Where did I go wrong (or right)?

How to Get the Junior High Look With Six Very Different Outfit Options

Reposted by Frazzled Humor

Lily Hirsch @lilyehirsch.bsky.social · 26d

So many versions of the color black!

Frazzled Humor @frazzledhumor.bsky.social · 27d

Sporty Chic:
By wearing gym shorts, a dark-colored shirt, and a black hoodie, you can go from waking up to PE to class to lounging in bed without ever changing your clothes.

By @lilyehirsch.bsky.social

medium.com/frazzled/how...

Parents, take note!

How to Get the Junior High Look With Six Very Different Outfit Options

Frazzled Humor @frazzledhumor.bsky.social · 27d

Sporty Chic:
By wearing gym shorts, a dark-colored shirt, and a black hoodie, you can go from waking up to PE to class to lounging in bed without ever changing your clothes.

By @lilyehirsch.bsky.social

medium.com/frazzled/how...

Parents, take note!

As the Proud Owner of a New Kitten, I Just Don’t Have the Same Mental Energy for My Kids Anymore

Frazzled Humor @frazzledhumor.bsky.social · 28d

Until this week, I thought it was just something people said. Everyone always told me that once you get your first kitten, your kids end up taking a backseat.

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The life of a new cat mom

Introducing Teen-Ugh-Splaining

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Frazzled Humor @frazzledhumor.bsky.social · 29d

What’s teen-ugh-splaining? You’d know it if you’ve encountered it.

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It’s, like, the opposite of, like, mansplaining

“Is That a Monster Truck in Your Pocket?” and Other Pickup Lines I’m Using to Make Mom Friends

Frazzled Humor @frazzledhumor.bsky.social · Sep 12

Does your toddler like dates? How about a playdate next Tuesday?

By @blythewrites.bsky.social

medium.com/frazzled/is-...

Does your toddler like dates? How about a playdate next Tuesday?

Take Your Toddler Hiking, They Said — It Will Be Fun

Frazzled Humor @frazzledhumor.bsky.social · Sep 11

“Go hiking!” The other moms recommended. “There are some great trails by the lake!”

medium.com/frazzled/tak...

Well, “they” clearly didn’t have a toddler who hates bugs and gets carsick

Explaining Queer Relationships to My Kids Is Much Easier Than Explaining Guns

Frazzled Humor @frazzledhumor.bsky.social · Sep 10

I’m proud of who I’m raising! I think?

And I’m most proud of their curiosity. I love their curiosity, I think it’s their most important trait.

medium.com/frazzled/exp...

This ain’t rocket science. Or is it?

My Family’s Complicated History With Frogs

Frazzled Humor @frazzledhumor.bsky.social · Sep 9

When I reached the back of the house to see what all the commotion was about, there stood my two teenage nephews bent over a 10-gallon bucket, their attention rapt on the contents, evil mischievous laughter rising to carry their newfound pubescent voices.

medium.com/frazzled/my-...

Crushing on croakers