Sophie
@gloomcookie.bsky.social
870 followers 160 following 15K posts
Writer, phd candidate, hot mess
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gloomcookie.bsky.social
Oh jesus

I'm so sorry, how horrible
gloomcookie.bsky.social
I made some progress on my work today which was good.
I looked at everything I had left to do and felt bad.
Now I am tired and trying not to think about work at all.
gloomcookie.bsky.social
Just find a non-basketcase i beg of u
gloomcookie.bsky.social
Are they a basketcase
gloomcookie.bsky.social
If i could get paid for it then great but sadly
gloomcookie.bsky.social
Yeah i just don't really care about that. The only time I'll use it is on forms that require a title. Like it's neat but...
gloomcookie.bsky.social
Time to start watching the bad stuff
gloomcookie.bsky.social
My favourite Leo moment is when Red finds out he was in Vietnam and his opinion of him does a total 180
gloomcookie.bsky.social
The *logic* is mostly sound but at this point I don't think most of the arguments reflect reality. Just because they're logical doesn't mean I actually agree with them but at this point it's too late to pivot
gloomcookie.bsky.social
Yeah but the PhD has no value to me.
gloomcookie.bsky.social
I enjoy the research and the writing and the editing, once I can get myself to do it. The product is sub par and I am dreading the process of having people read it and point out all the ways it sucks
gloomcookie.bsky.social
I burnt out at the end of my first year and never recovered, had a breakdown that i felt pressured to work through, clawed back some kind of rhythm that broke down when i went on a research trip and since then it's been a fog really.
gloomcookie.bsky.social
People talk about imposter syndrome as if there are no imposters out there lol. My work doesn't measure up to my *own* standards. People talk about working long hours and I work like 2 hours a day if I'm lucky because the last minute panic that used to get me through doesnt exist for me any more
gloomcookie.bsky.social
Yeah that's my hope. My MA corrections were literally 3 typos. But during my MA I felt competent and engaged. With my PhD I feel lost and incapable of working at the level I know i can.
gloomcookie.bsky.social
I really, really want to be done. It bothers me that when I'm done I still won't be *done*.
gloomcookie.bsky.social
So even after the thesis is handed in, your life is on standby for up to a year or even longer.

At my uni you have a hard deadline of 4 years, which I have already surpassed but got an extension for. The hard deadline is extremely stressful and annoying given I'll be waiting so long afterwards
gloomcookie.bsky.social
After you hand in your thesis, you twiddle your thumbs for a bit while waiting for the report. Then you defend. Then you have some months to fix all the problems. Some people wait like a year for the report. Some people wait ages for the thesis to even get sent out to markers
gloomcookie.bsky.social
Not having a whine (for a change) just trying to work something through "out loud"

I started the PhD in 2021 when the job market was still kinda shitty as a way to spend my time while I worked out what I wanted to do with my life. 4 years later the only answer I have is "hang out with my dog".