Author | Lightnews

I Am A Pyrite King

@iamapyriteking.bsky.social

1.4K followers 730 following 6.1K posts

Mining fools' good since before you were born. I can either tell you who I am, or show you who I am, but on social media it's tough to do both.

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I Am A Pyrite King @iamapyriteking.bsky.social · 20m

Trump is obviously getting design advice from the Tall Man in PHANTASM...

The Tall Man (Angus Scrimm) standing in the faux marble halls of Morningside mortuary, which bear a striking resemblance to the remodeled Lincoln Bedroom bathroom monstrosity.

I Am A Pyrite King @iamapyriteking.bsky.social · 31m

Dress for the job you want...

I Am A Pyrite King @iamapyriteking.bsky.social · 2h

Under certain circumstances, the Cybertruck may function briefly as a plane... 🤦‍♂️

I Am A Pyrite King @iamapyriteking.bsky.social · 2h

It's a fucking TOMB.

I Am A Pyrite King @iamapyriteking.bsky.social · 5h

One more Halloween tune:

THE INDIE HORROR FILM WILL NEVER DIE (2 minutes 8 seconds -- I'm nothing if not consistent)

I Am A Pyrite King @iamapyriteking.bsky.social · 5h

Another Halloween tune.

This one's from the end credits of a Ripper flick: CALL HIM JACK (2 minutes 5 seconds)

I Am A Pyrite King @iamapyriteking.bsky.social · 5h

Some Halloween tunes.

Here's one I did for the end credits of a possession flick: THE DEVIL IN ME (2 minutes)

I Am A Pyrite King @iamapyriteking.bsky.social · 6h

Thanks! Also, I got a very nice card in the mail today, so many thanks for that, too!

(I planned on making cards this year, but I just couldn't manage it. ☹️)

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I Am A Pyrite King @iamapyriteking.bsky.social · 11h

Happy Halloween, everybody!

I've got my Silver Shamrock mask (the one I was born wearing), and I'm ready to start celebrating my only religious holiday! 🤪🎃🖤

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I Am A Pyrite King @iamapyriteking.bsky.social · 11h

I met a traveller, Heaven only knows
Where from, who said: "Two legless feet of stone
Stand in the desert. Ten enormous toes
Are set upon the sand, and they alone
Are left to show the spot where once arose
A mighty statue, long since disappeared
(Or else -- one never knows about such things --
The sculptor's fetish was a little weird).
And on the pedestal, these words appear:
'My name is Toesymandias, King of Kings;
Look on my Feats, ye Mighty, and despair!'
How rare, I thought; how subtle, how sublime.
'Look on my Feats.' That's what it said, I swear:
A Dad Joke writ on centuries of time."

I Am A Pyrite King @iamapyriteking.bsky.social · 12h

I found one of these little guys scrambling hell-for-leather across the yard:

I Am A Pyrite King @iamapyriteking.bsky.social · 13h

Neither did I!! And that may have been a mistake on the listing; after all, they were known for their legendarily cranky transmissions.

I bought some lottery tickets back then, believe me.

I Am A Pyrite King @iamapyriteking.bsky.social · 14h

Fully loaded. I even asked the nurses about malaria and dengue fever, and I was only half-kidding.

I Am A Pyrite King @iamapyriteking.bsky.social · 14h

There was a 1974 DS for sale not far from me recently. *Automatic transmission*. Oh god I wanted that car, but it was $40,000.

"Citroen" was one of my first words as a baby. I could recognize a 1967 DS on the street before I could walk.

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I Am A Pyrite King @iamapyriteking.bsky.social · 1d

Well, clearly they can't allow strangers in masks to come pounding on your door making demands, now, can they? 🤔 Heyyyyy wait a minute...

I Am A Pyrite King @iamapyriteking.bsky.social · 1d

I love them... but their names all sound like Shakespearean insults:

"Thou forked globetail! Margined calligrapher!
Thou hairy-eyed bee mimic, get thee hence!"

I Am A Pyrite King @iamapyriteking.bsky.social · 1d

So... it'll have no user-serviceable parts, and in a couple years an update will render it obsolete. Great!

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I Am A Pyrite King @iamapyriteking.bsky.social · 1d

"We do not detain Aryans. Therefore, if we detain someone, they are not Aryans. It's simple! So simple that no one who is truly Aryan would question it. Are we being clear?"

-- Ilsa, She-wolf of the ICE Ass

I Am A Pyrite King @iamapyriteking.bsky.social · 1d

How about enfartification? That's when the response to enshittification is also shitty, but basically just gas.

I Am A Pyrite King @iamapyriteking.bsky.social · 1d

Oh hey, me too!!

(All I got is a rock...)

I Am A Pyrite King @iamapyriteking.bsky.social · 1d

Tastes great! Less filling!

I Am A Pyrite King @iamapyriteking.bsky.social · 1d

Plan B: Got a costume for tomorrow night? And a bag? Bags are harder to come by these days.

I Am A Pyrite King @iamapyriteking.bsky.social · 1d

Patron Saint of Just About Everything These Days

I Am A Pyrite King @iamapyriteking.bsky.social · 1d

"Gimme that old time rock 'n roll!"

-- Sisyphus

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I Am A Pyrite King @iamapyriteking.bsky.social · 1d

Lovely Little Call from HR #1,263