Author | Lightnews

I Am A Pyrite King

@iamapyriteking.bsky.social

1.4K followers 730 following 6.1K posts

Mining fools' good since before you were born. I can either tell you who I am, or show you who I am, but on social media it's tough to do both.

Posts Media Videos Starter Packs

I Am A Pyrite King @iamapyriteking.bsky.social · 4h

Happy Halloween, everybody!

I've got my Silver Shamrock mask (the one I was born wearing), and I'm ready to start celebrating my only religious holiday! 🤪🎃🖤

1 9

I Am A Pyrite King @iamapyriteking.bsky.social · 4h

I met a traveller, Heaven only knows
Where from, who said: "Two legless feet of stone
Stand in the desert. Ten enormous toes
Are set upon the sand, and they alone
Are left to show the spot where once arose
A mighty statue, long since disappeared
(Or else -- one never knows about such things --
The sculptor's fetish was a little weird).
And on the pedestal, these words appear:
'My name is Toesymandias, King of Kings;
Look on my Feats, ye Mighty, and despair!'
How rare, I thought; how subtle, how sublime.
'Look on my Feats.' That's what it said, I swear:
A Dad Joke writ on centuries of time."

I Am A Pyrite King @iamapyriteking.bsky.social · 6h

I found one of these little guys scrambling hell-for-leather across the yard:

I Am A Pyrite King @iamapyriteking.bsky.social · 6h

Neither did I!! And that may have been a mistake on the listing; after all, they were known for their legendarily cranky transmissions.

I bought some lottery tickets back then, believe me.

I Am A Pyrite King @iamapyriteking.bsky.social · 7h

Fully loaded. I even asked the nurses about malaria and dengue fever, and I was only half-kidding.

I Am A Pyrite King @iamapyriteking.bsky.social · 7h

There was a 1974 DS for sale not far from me recently. *Automatic transmission*. Oh god I wanted that car, but it was $40,000.

"Citroen" was one of my first words as a baby. I could recognize a 1967 DS on the street before I could walk.

1 1

I Am A Pyrite King @iamapyriteking.bsky.social · 17h

Well, clearly they can't allow strangers in masks to come pounding on your door making demands, now, can they? 🤔 Heyyyyy wait a minute...

I Am A Pyrite King @iamapyriteking.bsky.social · 18h

I love them... but their names all sound like Shakespearean insults:

"Thou forked globetail! Margined calligrapher!
Thou hairy-eyed bee mimic, get thee hence!"

I Am A Pyrite King @iamapyriteking.bsky.social · 18h

So... it'll have no user-serviceable parts, and in a couple years an update will render it obsolete. Great!

1 2

I Am A Pyrite King @iamapyriteking.bsky.social · 18h

"We do not detain Aryans. Therefore, if we detain someone, they are not Aryans. It's simple! So simple that no one who is truly Aryan would question it. Are we being clear?"

-- Ilsa, She-wolf of the ICE Ass

I Am A Pyrite King @iamapyriteking.bsky.social · 18h

How about enfartification? That's when the response to enshittification is also shitty, but basically just gas.

I Am A Pyrite King @iamapyriteking.bsky.social · 18h

Oh hey, me too!!

(All I got is a rock...)

I Am A Pyrite King @iamapyriteking.bsky.social · 19h

Tastes great! Less filling!

I Am A Pyrite King @iamapyriteking.bsky.social · 19h

Plan B: Got a costume for tomorrow night? And a bag? Bags are harder to come by these days.

I Am A Pyrite King @iamapyriteking.bsky.social · 19h

Patron Saint of Just About Everything These Days

I Am A Pyrite King @iamapyriteking.bsky.social · 20h

"Gimme that old time rock 'n roll!"

-- Sisyphus

2 4

I Am A Pyrite King @iamapyriteking.bsky.social · 1d

Lovely Little Call from HR #1,263

I Am A Pyrite King @iamapyriteking.bsky.social · 1d

Change one letter, ruin a candy.

Bit o' Phoney

Abbooetha, forever team Boo!snip @abbaetha.bsky.social · 2d

Change one letter, ruin a candy:

Mound.

Jeff Mac @jeffmacishere.bsky.social · 2d

Change one letter, ruin a candy:

ButlerFinger

1 7

I Am A Pyrite King @iamapyriteking.bsky.social · 1d

GENERALS: "Just stand here, Mr. President." (exeunt rapidly)

TRUMP: "I'm standing on a big X, a beautiful X, an X like nobody's ever seen. Generals are coming up to me, big Generals, strong Generals, tears in their eyes, saying, 'Sir, would you kindly...' Say, do you hear that whistling sound?"

1 1

I Am A Pyrite King @iamapyriteking.bsky.social · 1d

I've had my Mikie sign out since the day the primary was decided. Proud to have cast my vote straight blue yesterday.

1 2

I Am A Pyrite King @iamapyriteking.bsky.social · 1d

I have ruined
the statue
that was in
the desert

and which
you were certainly
saving
for eternity

Forgive me
it was too tempting
so proud
and so what?

Pete Smith @reddite.bsky.social · 1d

I heard there was a statue tall
That sneered at folk and commanded all
But you don't really care for symbols do ya
It goes like this the feet the fist
The head that fell the aim that missed
The long lost king whose name was Ozymandias
Ozymandias
Ozymandias
Ozymandias
Ozymaaaaandias

Gabby HC, but a ghost, hiding in a corner @scriblit.bsky.social · 1d

Once upon a desert sandy
As through winds the trav'ling man he
Spied the face of Ozymandy
Lying, simply lying there
Suddenly there was some writing
Pon the plinth that he was sighting
That the sand and time were blighting
Quoth the statue, "Now despair"

3 6

I Am A Pyrite King @iamapyriteking.bsky.social · 1d

Better than circus peanuts, tho. Oh -- and if you don't want a ticket, it's time to put another quarter in your dad.

1 1

I Am A Pyrite King @iamapyriteking.bsky.social · 1d

"The defendant, Kate... er, Kat... Kat Abaga... Abracad... Abughra... Agabag... uhhhhh, case dismissed!"

-- Judge Doodles Weaver

I Am A Pyrite King @iamapyriteking.bsky.social · 1d

You win! 🤣

Your prize is a Vagnut bar.

I Am A Pyrite King @iamapyriteking.bsky.social · 1d

I've got a 傘おばけ kasa-obake yōkai living in my house for Halloween...

A one-eyed, one-legged umbrella ghost homemade Halloween ornament