Lightnews — Scholar-powered news

JewInACanoe.bsky.social 🎗️

@jewinacanoe.bsky.social

4.6K followers 1.8K following 2.2K posts

MANY POSTS ARE HUMOR AND NOT TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY Proud Jew ✡️ memoir OUT FROM THE SHADOW published by Amsterdam Publishing. Repped by Bonnie Swanson of FinePrint Lit.

Posts Media Videos Starter Packs

Pinned

JewInACanoe.bsky.social 🎗️ @jewinacanoe.bsky.social · Mar 18

Selected as Runner up for the best memoir at the New York Book Festival and best seller on Amazon.

4 7 44

JewInACanoe.bsky.social 🎗️ @jewinacanoe.bsky.social · 7h

Are you okay

JewInACanoe.bsky.social 🎗️ @jewinacanoe.bsky.social · 8h

Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over?

Me: Because you follow me on Twitter?

Cop: No.

Me: Um, instagram?

Cop: No.

Me: America's Most Wanted?

1 3

JewInACanoe.bsky.social 🎗️ @jewinacanoe.bsky.social · 8h

Cop: What's in the bottle that you've been drinking from?

Me: It's my lunch.

Cop: it looks like vodka.

Me: It's potato soup but in a clear broth.

Cop: I need you to step outside the car.

JewInACanoe.bsky.social 🎗️ @jewinacanoe.bsky.social · 8h

I'm not a lawyer, scientist or doctor but I have chatGPT and Google so you are in good hands.

JewInACanoe.bsky.social 🎗️ @jewinacanoe.bsky.social · 8h

My doctor's office asked me to fax them some information so I climbed into my time machine and set it for 1988.

JewInACanoe.bsky.social 🎗️ @jewinacanoe.bsky.social · 8h

The other day I was taking a package of Charmin toilet paper from a stack at Costco when the display fell on me. My doctor said it was just a soft tissue injury.

1 7

JewInACanoe.bsky.social 🎗️ @jewinacanoe.bsky.social · 1d

a cartoon frog is holding a sign that says yeah no

ALT: a cartoon frog is holding a sign that says yeah no

media.tenor.com

JewInACanoe.bsky.social 🎗️ @jewinacanoe.bsky.social · 1d

Is peace possible in the middle east?

open.substack.com/pub/willieha...

JewInACanoe.bsky.social 🎗️ @jewinacanoe.bsky.social · 1d

I can't believe that MySpace has introduced two-factor authorization to log in. Tom has disappointed me.

1 1 4

JewInACanoe.bsky.social 🎗️ @jewinacanoe.bsky.social · 1d

A big shoutout to the people over 50 because I know y'all don't hear so good.

4 1 22

JewInACanoe.bsky.social 🎗️ @jewinacanoe.bsky.social · 1d

How can you call yourself a door?

1 16

JewInACanoe.bsky.social 🎗️ @jewinacanoe.bsky.social · 1d

I woke up this morning with some positive news and a little bit of hope. Hope that people choose peace over war. Hope that people choose to listen instead of talking. Hope that people build rather than destroy.

1 2 19

JewInACanoe.bsky.social 🎗️ @jewinacanoe.bsky.social · 2d

In case you have nine lives.

JewInACanoe.bsky.social 🎗️ @jewinacanoe.bsky.social · 2d

Hey Eric

JewInACanoe.bsky.social 🎗️ @jewinacanoe.bsky.social · 2d

Therapist: Tell me when you believe your relationship with your son deteriorated.

Me: I don't have a son.

Therapist: Oh, right. Sorry. Why don't you focus on your depression.

Me: I'm not depressed.

Therapist: Stan, are you trying to gaslight me?

Me: My name is Willie.

JewInACanoe.bsky.social 🎗️ @jewinacanoe.bsky.social · 2d

We went to Costco to stock up on some basics - bottled water, milk, bread, coffee, an above ground swimming pool, and a gym membership.

3 1 7

JewInACanoe.bsky.social 🎗️ @jewinacanoe.bsky.social · 2d

Remember during the pandemic when they told us we couldn’t have family gatherings?

Those were the days.

JewInACanoe.bsky.social 🎗️ @jewinacanoe.bsky.social · 2d

“To hate is like taking poison, and hoping the other will die. But you are poisoned. We are poisoned. Don’t spend time hating. I know we get hurt sometimes, people hurt us. People bully us. Don’t waste time hating those people.”
- Toronto Holocaust survivor Elly Gotz

JewInACanoe.bsky.social 🎗️ @jewinacanoe.bsky.social · 2d

My wife has informed me that I can no longer answer my phone with "what the fuck do you want?"

JewInACanoe.bsky.social 🎗️ @jewinacanoe.bsky.social · 3d

There are now tariffs on dirty thoughts.

1 2

JewInACanoe.bsky.social 🎗️ @jewinacanoe.bsky.social · 3d

For those considering moving to Canada, you will have to accept living in a socialist country, give up your guns, respect women's rights and celebrate thanksgiving in October.

5 22

JewInACanoe.bsky.social 🎗️ @jewinacanoe.bsky.social · 3d

Top 5 Thanksgiving Side Dishes:

1. Mashed potatoes
2. Mashed potatoes
3. Mashed potatoes
4. Mashed potatoes
5. Not cranberries

1 5

JewInACanoe.bsky.social 🎗️ @jewinacanoe.bsky.social · 3d

Thanksgiving is the time of the year where you can liberally use the word moist.

1 4

JewInACanoe.bsky.social 🎗️ @jewinacanoe.bsky.social · 4d

an illustration of a cookie with glasses and the words you 're a smart cookie below it

ALT: an illustration of a cookie with glasses and the words you 're a smart cookie below it

media.tenor.com

JewInACanoe.bsky.social 🎗️ @jewinacanoe.bsky.social · 4d

People in the south: Doesn't the cold bother you?

Canadians:

1 1 7