Julia Clement
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juliaclement.bsky.social
Julia Clement
@juliaclement.bsky.social
55 followers 68 following 890 posts
If you like my memes, feel free to share, either here or elsewhere. Just keep my credits. To see more, follow me. Auckland based comedian, playwright & comedy producer.
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juliaclement.bsky.social
Julia Clement @juliaclement.bsky.social · 14h
The ultimate in #fastFood, the Heisenburger.

You can either know where it is or how fast you're eating it.
Julia, joyful, with arms in the air is riding a roller-coaster. A giant hamburger is in front of the roller-coaster. Text: The ultimate in fast food, the Heisenburger. You can either know where it is or how fast you're eating it.
juliaclement.bsky.social
Julia Clement @juliaclement.bsky.social · 1d
I saw them at Baker's Delight this afternoon and we haven't even had Labour Day gruel or Guy Fawkes bangers yet.
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juliaclement.bsky.social
Julia Clement @juliaclement.bsky.social · 1d
Don't say "Homeopathic", call it what it is "Homeopathetic"
Julia has half her face covered with water. Text: Don't say "Homeopathic", call it what it is "Homeopathetic"
juliaclement.bsky.social
Julia Clement @juliaclement.bsky.social · 2d
What's the best thing about pulled pork?

You know the pig died happy.
Julia hugs two pigs, all three smile. Pig noises. Text: What's the best thing about pulled pork? You know the pig died happy.
juliaclement.bsky.social
Julia Clement @juliaclement.bsky.social · 3d
Let's hope it's OK. I can see it's not identical but that library looks a lot like the one in Pt Chev that's roof leaked in a bad storm and when they tried remedial work they discovered there had been leaks for years & a lot of rot in the wood. Demolished in 2024.
Two women outside the now demolished Pt Chev Library. Auckland Libraries Heritage Collections 273-HAR095-02 Tessa Clement hams it up with a mic for promo photo outside the now demolished Pt Chev Library. A speaker on a stand is to the left by the bike stands. Photo taken approximately 8 PM June 6th 2022. Our stage lights are reflected in the Windows.
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juliaclement.bsky.social
Julia Clement @juliaclement.bsky.social · 3d
Jokes are like #babies.

Everyone loves them but nobody wants to see them get made.
The stork hands a surprised looking Julia a baby. 4 other babies are at her feet. Text: Jokes are like babies. Everyone loves them but nobody wants to see them get made.
juliaclement.bsky.social
Julia Clement @juliaclement.bsky.social · 4d
#TedTalks: #Mansplaining on steroids.
A man is making a speech. Julia examines him closely. Text: Ted talks: Mansplaining on steroids.
juliaclement.bsky.social
Julia Clement @juliaclement.bsky.social · 5d
#PontiusPilot was a comedian.

The Bible says he nailed it.
Julia covers the microphone. A stern faced man faces another man with a crown made of thorns. Text: Pontius Pilot was a comedian. The Bible says he nailed it.
juliaclement.bsky.social
Julia Clement @juliaclement.bsky.social · 6d
Unless you are talking about the CIA endorsed overthrow and murder of Chile's President, Salvador Allende, on 11 September 1973 when it would be hitting the presidential palace.
juliaclement.bsky.social
Julia Clement @juliaclement.bsky.social · 6d
Safety First: Always web surf between the flags.

#WebSurfing #WebSafety
A burning computer and a sign icon of a swimmer between beach lifesaver flags.Julia stands between another pair of the flags throwing her laptop and papers in the air. Text: Safety First: Always web surf between the flags.
juliaclement.bsky.social
Julia Clement @juliaclement.bsky.social · 7d
The coalition of cruelty strikes again.
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juliaclement.bsky.social
Julia Clement @juliaclement.bsky.social · 7d
This pâtissière is a caricature of my wife, Tessa Clement, from when she had her own pâtisserie business. Before that she was a chef.
A blonde pâtissière in a pink chef's outfit including hat carries a tray of cakes Text: Super Hero File Name: Cupcake Origin: Retired pâtissière Tira Masu was delivering cupcakes to Auckland Hospital when a gamma ray beam was accidentally activated, turning her into Cupcake. Powers: Produces irresistible pastrieswith so much sugar that villainsgo into a diabetic coma. Weaknesses: Poor portion control requiringdonating unused pastries toinnocents.
juliaclement.bsky.social
Julia Clement @juliaclement.bsky.social · 7d
I'm writing some new gags on #centipedes.

I'm sure this idea's got legs.
Julia sits at a cluttered desk. A giant centipede is trying to find its way onto the desk. Text: I'm writing some new gags on centipedes. I'm sure this idea's got legs.
juliaclement.bsky.social
Julia Clement @juliaclement.bsky.social · 8d
The #Earth may not be #flat but my bike's rear #tyre is.
Julia throwing her hands in the air in exasperation stands in front of a bicycle with a flat tyre. Behind the bicycle is a globe of the Earth. Text: The Earth may not be flat but my bike's rear tyre is.
juliaclement.bsky.social
Julia Clement @juliaclement.bsky.social · 8d
I'm just waiting for Peters to tell us that all we need is a good selection of herbal remedies. :(
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juliaclement.bsky.social
Julia Clement @juliaclement.bsky.social · 8d
Tweedledum and Tweedledee
Agreed to have a battle;
For Tweedledum said Tweedledee
Had spoiled his lovely asset sale.
Just then flew down a monstrous Luxon,
As evil as a tar-barrel;
Which frightened both the heroes so,
They quite forgot their quarrel.
juliaclement.bsky.social
Julia Clement @juliaclement.bsky.social · 9d
I once lived in an apartment with a Smeg #washing_machine.

It worked well but to wash my underwear I needed to carefully clean the bowl first.
A washing machine, Julia, obviously unhappy is examining a cleaning cloth and towel. Text: I once lived in an apartment with a Smeg washing machine. It worked well but to wash my underwear I needed to carefully clean the bowl first.
Reposted by Julia Clement
legallyfeminist.bsky.social
Dr. Cassandra Mudgway @legallyfeminist.bsky.social · 11d
Is online abuse driving women out of running for office??? Read my latest opinion piece on misogyny, online violence, and the law. (Spoiler: the answer is yes! And also, that's the point!) #nzpol #onlineabuse

theconversation.com/polls-and-tr...
Polls and trolls: is violent online abuse turning women off local politics?
Online abuse designed to humiliate, coerce or silence women and minority politicians is taking its toll. With a general election next year, the rules have to change.
theconversation.com
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juliaclement.bsky.social
Julia Clement @juliaclement.bsky.social · 10d
I looked up #cormorants and #shags on Wikipedia.

Seems the only difference is cormorants lack crests and the crested birds just want to shag.
Julia uses a magnifying glass to examine two shags tapping beaks. Another image of her is surprised to see two cormorants facing in the same direction. Text: I looked up cormorants and shags on Wikipedia. Seems the only difference is cormorants lack crests and the crested birds just want to shag.
juliaclement.bsky.social
Julia Clement @juliaclement.bsky.social · 11d
I’m convinced #AI stands for “Artificial Incompetence."
A burning computer, an AI generated hand with 12 fingers, many at improbable angles, a comedian throws her laptop & notebook up in frustration. Text: I’m convinced AI stands for “Artificial Incompetence."
juliaclement.bsky.social
Julia Clement @juliaclement.bsky.social · 12d
Why did the #chicken cross the toad?

Because it was a poor typist!
Julia is riding a pony sized chicken that is about to step on a toad. A computer is burning. Text: Why did the chicken cross the toad? Because it was a poor typist!
juliaclement.bsky.social
Julia Clement @juliaclement.bsky.social · 13d
No need to bulk buy #toiletPaper.

Unwind it to get more than one wipe per roll.
Julia, visibly upset, has thrown 5 rolls of toilet paper into the air. Text: No need to bulk buy toilet paper. Unwind it to get more than one wipe per roll.
juliaclement.bsky.social
Julia Clement @juliaclement.bsky.social · 14d
#Caesar said "Veni, vidi, feci sem" (I came, I saw, I made #salad)
Three images of Julia. In the first she is running in, in the second she is staring out of the screen and finally she is grilling at a barbecue with salad makings on display. Text: Caesar said "Veni, vidi, feci sem" (I came, I saw, I made salad)
juliaclement.bsky.social
Julia Clement @juliaclement.bsky.social · 15d
Why do #pilot's #uniforms still look like #military officer uniforms from the 1940s?
Julia is wearing a pilot's uniform, a wide body jet flies in the background. Text: Why do pilot's uniforms still look like military officer uniforms from the 1940s?
juliaclement.bsky.social
Julia Clement @juliaclement.bsky.social · 16d
I've just realised.

#Butter really doesn't melt in #vegans' mouths.
Julia gasps. A dish of butter. Text: I've just realised. Butter really doesn't melt in vegans' mouths.