Julia Clement
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juliaclement.bsky.social
Julia Clement
@juliaclement.bsky.social
59 followers 68 following 960 posts
If you like my memes, feel free to share, either here or elsewhere. Just keep my credits.

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Auckland based comedian, playwright & comedy producer.
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juliaclement.bsky.social
I’m writing a book about a #scienceFiction author who secretly writes #romances. It's transgendre literature.
Julia sits at a busy desk. Behind her a second copy of her is shooting a ray gun, behind her is a third copy holding up a heart. Text: I’m writing a book about a science fantasy author who secretly writes romances. It's transgendre literature.
December 16, 2025 at 7:32 AM
juliaclement.bsky.social
Outdoor comedy 6:30 pm Fri 19/12 in Selwyn Domain, Mission Bay, weather permitting.
Free, koha welcomed.
Open mics can’t control the jokes told, parental discretion is advised.
Event: park.comedyshow.nz/events/399/ .
#Comedy #StandupComedy #MissionBay #MissionBayComedy
@aucklandcomedy.bsky.social
Tessa Clement leans against the sundial in Selwyn Domain, Mission Bay. She has a microphone in her hand. Text: Free Comedy, Mission Bay, Winter 2025.
December 16, 2025 at 6:19 AM
juliaclement.bsky.social
The set was ruined because the #airGuitar was out of tune & the air #drummer’s tempo was worse.
Three musicians play a guitar, bongos and a drum. Text: The set was ruined because the air guitar was out of tune & the air drummer’s tempo was worse.
December 15, 2025 at 4:27 AM
juliaclement.bsky.social
My brother took ages to clear #customs.

In retrospect it was probably a mistake to send him a txt asking if they'd found the drugs yet?
Julia in a uniform stands behind a smaller version of herself on a giant paper dart. Text: My brother took ages to clear customs. In retrospect it was probably a mistake to send him a txt asking if they'd found the drugs yet?
December 14, 2025 at 6:49 AM
juliaclement.bsky.social
It's dawned on me that #solarPower is the answer, but it won't happen overnight.
Julia and a worker are installing solar panels on a roof. An oversized moon and star field is behind them. Text: It's dawned on me that solar power is the answer, but it won't happen overnight.
December 13, 2025 at 8:59 AM
juliaclement.bsky.social
At #Auckland #airport waiting for my brother.

Before I left home 1/2 hour ago #flight was 13 min early now 17 late.

Did it stop while I drove?
Julia sits on a giant paper dart. Later she is looking at a giant pocket watch. Text: At Auckland airport waiting for my brother. Before I left home 1/2 hour ago flight was 13 min early now 17 late. Did it stop while I drove?
December 12, 2025 at 5:40 AM
juliaclement.bsky.social
With so many jokes on #endoscopes relying on #innuendo, I prefer to sit them out.
A modified endoscopy diagramme labeled for an innuendoscope. Julia is being held aloft by balloons tied to her trouser. Text: With so many jokes on endoscopes relying on innuendo, I prefer to sit them out.
December 11, 2025 at 9:18 AM
juliaclement.bsky.social
I refuse to surrender my country to people who think climate change is fake and trickle down is real.

#ClimateChange #TrickleDown
Julia sipping a drink stands in front of a burning dumpster with the coalition of cruelty in it. Rubbish is on the ground. Text: I refuse to surrender my country to people who think climate change is fake and trickle down is real.
December 10, 2025 at 5:02 AM
juliaclement.bsky.social
The opposite of “Woke” is “Sleeping”.
Julia wakes up, another picture of her sleeps on. Text: The opposite of “Woke” is “Sleeping”.
December 9, 2025 at 5:09 AM
juliaclement.bsky.social
Why would I buy accounting software from someone who can't even spell #Zero?

--
#AccountingSoftware
A frustrated comedian stands behind a "No" symbol over an accounting software logo. Text: Why would I buy accounting software from someone who can't even spell Zero?
December 8, 2025 at 6:26 AM
juliaclement.bsky.social
NZ politics is a case of #Winston, Looseton.

#NZPol
Julia is examining a politician. Another picture of her is showing fear. Text: NZ politics is a case of Winston, Looseton.
December 7, 2025 at 5:23 AM
juliaclement.bsky.social
Was the Labour/Green proposed tax on water aimed at homeopaths?

#TaxOnWater #ProposedTax #Homeopaths
A pipette dropping water into an eye; Julia, drowning. Text: Was the Labour/Green proposed tax on water aimed at homeopaths?
December 6, 2025 at 9:35 AM
juliaclement.bsky.social
Sibling Rivalry: My #Roomba just choked itself trying to eat the big #vacuumCleaner's #powerCord.
A robot vacuum cleaner is pushed up against a conventional vacuum cleaner. A frustrated Julia stands behind them, Argh! is in big letters. Text: Sibling Rivalry: My Roomba just choked itself trying to eat the big vacuum cleaner's power cord.
December 5, 2025 at 7:56 AM
juliaclement.bsky.social
I'm unable to #donate-blood as when one of my #medications is given in huge doses to #pregnant-rats it can cause birth-defects.

Personally I'd rather my #blood was given to humans, not rats.
Julia examines a rat. Text: I'm unable to donate blood as when one of my medications is given in huge doses to pregnant rats it can cause birth defects. Personally I'd rather my blood was given to humans, not rats.
December 4, 2025 at 6:59 AM
juliaclement.bsky.social
#LSD's original name was #LSD-25.

Dr Albert Hofmann synthesized new forms until number 25 when flying purple giraffes blocked the lab's #portcullis.
Two purple giraffes on opposite sides of a portcullis. Text: LSD's original name was LSD-25. Dr Albert Hofmann synthesized new forms until number 25 when flying purple giraffes blocked the lab's portcullis.
December 3, 2025 at 8:08 AM
juliaclement.bsky.social
#Santa's favourite oil
...
Jojojoba
A man in a Santa Costume wearing sunglasses holds up a bottle. Julia examines the bottle. Text: Santa's favourite oil -- Jojojoba
December 2, 2025 at 6:49 AM
juliaclement.bsky.social
When I registered juliaclement(.)com, Godaddy suggested I should also register juliakind(.)com and juliamild(.)com.
A burning PC. An exasperated comedian throws her laptop and papers in the air. Text: When I registered juliaClement.com, Godaddy suggested I should also register juliaKind.com and juliaMild.com.
December 1, 2025 at 7:01 AM
juliaclement.bsky.social
Outdoor new material comedy 6:30 pm Thu 04/12 in Coyle Park, Point Chevalier, weather permitting.
Free, koha gladly accepted.
Event: park.comedyshow.nz/events/383/ .

@aucklandcomedy.bsky.social

#Comedy #OpenMicComedy #PtChev #PtChevComedy #PointChevComedy #PointChev
Julia stands with a microphone by the bus stop and looks towards our performing area. Behind her is Coyle Park. The words "One Mic Standup's Park Comedy Point Chev" are visible to the left.
December 1, 2025 at 6:39 AM
juliaclement.bsky.social
When someone describes a first world problem, I like to reply "Dreadful, that's like something out of Dickens" shake my head & walk off ...

I would have made a great Disney villain.

#FirstWorldProblem #Dickens #DisneyVillain
Julia examines a photograph of Charles Dickens. Text: When someone describes a first world problem, I like to reply "Dreadful, that's like something out of Dickens" shake my head & walk off ... I would have made a great Disney villain.
November 30, 2025 at 7:04 AM
juliaclement.bsky.social
Why does #autocorrect "fix" everything except my real #typos?
An exasperated Julia stands in front of a burning computer. A second version of her has an anvil dropped on her head. Text: Why does autocorrect "fix" everything except my real typos?
November 29, 2025 at 8:30 AM
juliaclement.bsky.social
Best thing about being in a #coalition?

You can blame unpopular #policies on your partners.

Worst thing?

You get blamed for their bad policies.
The coalition of cruelty is in a burning dumpster. An unconcerned comedian sips her drink. Rubbish is on the ground. Text: Best thing about being in a coalition? You can blame unpopular policies on your partners. Worst thing? You get blamed for their bad policies.
November 28, 2025 at 1:54 AM
juliaclement.bsky.social
#Tap #dancing lesson #1: Drink two pots of tea with no toilet breaks.
Three images of Julia. In two she is drinking tea, in the third she bathes in it. Text: Tap dancing lesson #1: Drink two pots of tea with no toilet breaks.
November 27, 2025 at 9:21 AM
juliaclement.bsky.social
Tonight's #dinner was bought to me by the letter C: Chilli, cucumber, courgette, cavocado and comato; into blender and eaten with Corn chips.
Julia stands beside a giant bowl containing something that looks like guacamole. There are giant corn chips. Text: Tonight's dinner was bought to me by the letter C: Chilli, cucumber, courgette, cavocado and comato; into blender and eaten with Corn chips.
November 26, 2025 at 6:53 AM
juliaclement.bsky.social
Free outdoor comedy 6:30 pm Thu 27/11 in Potter's Park, Mt Eden, weather permitting.
Free, koha gladly accepted.
Parental discretion is advised.
Event: park.comedyshow.nz/events/344/ .
#Comedy #OpenMicComedy #MountEden #MtEden #Balmoral
@aucklandcomedy.bsky.social
To the left, front to back. Julia with her hand over the mic looks at the audience, trees, the walking boy statue. To the right, a comedian is performing in the rotunda at sunset while others look on.
November 25, 2025 at 11:29 PM
juliaclement.bsky.social
I've just invented the #innuendoscope.

It has a small but powerful loudspeaker in the tip that tells #risque_jokes from inside your anus.
Julia stands beside a diagramme of a colonoscope with the captions changed to Bluetooth, speaker, rectum & innuendoscope. Text: I've just invented the innuendoscope. It has a small but powerful loudspeaker in the tip that tells risque jokes from inside your anus.
November 25, 2025 at 10:14 AM