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Lauren Flans

@laurenflans.bsky.social

2.5K followers 1.2K following 4.1K posts

I love three things: my dog, '70s folk rock, and Rachel Weisz. Everything else I am merely tolerating. Check out comingoutpod.com 🏳️‍🌈 Sorry about all the semicolons; I can't help it. OnlyFlans: bit.ly/flansposts

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Lauren Flans @laurenflans.bsky.social · Jul 30

The times are feeling very Sodom and Gomorrah-y, which unfortunately I mean more in a "we have become so evil that we are about to be biblically wiped out" way and less in a "everyone is having gay sex" way.

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Reposted by Lauren Flans

Jessica Ellis @baddestmamajama.bsky.social · 11h

There is no argument against masking that doesn’t fall back on scientific denial. Covid is disabling millions of people - so far up to 30% in some countries - and killing tens of thousands a year, you either dismiss those lives or claim the science isn’t the science. It’s right wing either way.

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Lauren Flans @laurenflans.bsky.social · 3h

Truly one of the worst one of these mankind has ever created, and yet my personal award probably goes to the people still using "I didn't have ______ on my bingo card!" in 20-fucking-25.

Lauren Flans @laurenflans.bsky.social · 4h

omg he is doing a perfect kilroy

a smol dachshund-mix snuggled up in a robe with his snoot hanging over it like kilroy

Lauren Flans @laurenflans.bsky.social · 11h

Yes on Prop 50? More like YES (I'd like to be) on TOP (of) 55 (year-old Rachel Weisz)!

Lauren Flans @laurenflans.bsky.social · 1d

They were SO CUTE TOGETHER! 😭 Rocky would pee somewhere, and then Pierro would follow behind him and pee on the same spot 🥹

Lauren Flans @laurenflans.bsky.social · 1d

And here's the second one, which is devoted to Pierro and Rocky's Big Guy/Little Guy bromance! 🐾

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Lauren Flans @laurenflans.bsky.social · 1d

Last week Pierro and I had to be out of our apartment for 24 hrs. A friend (who has a large son named Rocky) was kind enough to let us stay in her parents' guest house, which is in the most BEAUTIFUL spot I have ever been to in California! Here's the first of two videos I made of our mini vacation:

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Lauren Flans @laurenflans.bsky.social · 1d

when u hear something but u r sleepy

a smol dachshund-mix lying on a couch with his eyes closed and one ear sticking up

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Lauren Flans @laurenflans.bsky.social · 2d

ummmmmmm ok but if he did he does???

Lauren Flans @laurenflans.bsky.social · 2d

goddammit now tom selleck is also trying to sell me gold and we are no closer to GAYCHELS becoming a reality this timeline fucking blows

Lauren Flans @laurenflans.bsky.social · Jul 22

I am not meant to exist in a timeline where Dennis Quaid is on the radio telling me to protect my retirement savings by investing in gold; I'm meant to exist in a timeline where Rachel Weisz & Rachel McAdams fell in love for real while filming Disobedience and opened a lesbian bar called "GAYCHELS."

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Lauren Flans @laurenflans.bsky.social · 2d

I SAID I WAS EMBARRASSED

Lauren Flans @laurenflans.bsky.social · 2d

no see this is what i'm talking about that part is completely fabricated

Lauren Flans @laurenflans.bsky.social · 2d

I just saw a video of a woodpecker pecking the hell out of some wood and I'm embarrassed to admit this but I think I maybe didn't really think they did that?? Like I think part of me thought it was kind of made up for Woody Woodpecker? In my defense, when are cartoons THAT accurate? Seems rare.

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Lauren Flans @laurenflans.bsky.social · 2d

now that's a good boy

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Lauren Flans @laurenflans.bsky.social · 3d

that's what makes him ground breaking (they rarely do this)

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Lauren Flans @laurenflans.bsky.social · 3d

Okay; now I am learning that everyone thinks this movie is bad and I feel like *I'm* being gaslit. I don't know, man! For the past ~5 years, almost every time I see a movie that people are raving about, I think it's hot garbage. But I liked this! Maybe don't listen to me!

Lauren Flans @laurenflans.bsky.social · 3d

The Woman in Cabin 10 was great! Tight script, good acting. It really drove home for me how 90% of recent movies feel like someone had ChatGPT write a bunch of scenes and then put them together in random order. This wasn't that! Also, a great example of what "gaslighting" ACTUALLY means.

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Lauren Flans @laurenflans.bsky.social · 3d

imagining a hero like popeye who swallows two tylenol when he has to solve complex math problems

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Lauren Flans @laurenflans.bsky.social · 4d

tfw mom catches u striking a pose

a smol dachshund-mix striking a graceful pose in his bed

the same smol dachshund-mix realizing that he has been spotted by the paparazzi (mom with her phone)

Lauren Flans @laurenflans.bsky.social · 4d

a man in a suit is sitting in a chair with a book in front of him and the website sharktankgifts.com is visible

Alt: Mark Cuban writes down a note (probably not about Swiffer wipes, tho).

media.tenor.com

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Lauren Flans @laurenflans.bsky.social · 4d

I agree, but unfortunately today I learned that Swiffer "fresh" scent (which inspired my post) is even WORSE 😭

Lauren Flans @laurenflans.bsky.social · 4d

a man is holding a cube in front of a huawei logo and says it is everything

Alt: a man says "It is everything"

media.tenor.com

Lauren Flans @laurenflans.bsky.social · 4d

I actually like that every cleaning product on the market has the most aggressive scent I have ever experienced in my entire life and they all conflict with each other because I know that this is what my ancestors in Poland used to dream of before they left for America 😌

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Lauren Flans @laurenflans.bsky.social · 4d

PULITZER.

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Lauren Flans @laurenflans.bsky.social · 5d

I honestly think the fact that she is the most famous person in the world is the closest thing we have to proof that this IS a simulation.

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