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Lauren Flans

@laurenflans.bsky.social

2.5K followers 1.2K following 4.1K posts

I love three things: my dog, '70s folk rock, and Rachel Weisz. Everything else I am merely tolerating. Check out comingoutpod.com 🏳️‍🌈 Sorry about all the semicolons; I can't help it. OnlyFlans: bit.ly/flansposts

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Lauren Flans @laurenflans.bsky.social · Jul 30

The times are feeling very Sodom and Gomorrah-y, which unfortunately I mean more in a "we have become so evil that we are about to be biblically wiped out" way and less in a "everyone is having gay sex" way.

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Lauren Flans @laurenflans.bsky.social · 1h

no see this is what i'm talking about that part is completely fabricated

Lauren Flans @laurenflans.bsky.social · 2h

I just saw a video of a woodpecker pecking the hell out of some wood and I'm embarrassed to admit this but I think I maybe didn't really think they did that?? Like I think part of me thought it was kind of made up for Woody Woodpecker? In my defense, when are cartoons THAT accurate? Seems rare.

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Lauren Flans @laurenflans.bsky.social · 18h

now that's a good boy

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Lauren Flans @laurenflans.bsky.social · 19h

that's what makes him ground breaking (they rarely do this)

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Lauren Flans @laurenflans.bsky.social · 19h

Okay; now I am learning that everyone thinks this movie is bad and I feel like *I'm* being gaslit. I don't know, man! For the past ~5 years, almost every time I see a movie that people are raving about, I think it's hot garbage. But I liked this! Maybe don't listen to me!

Lauren Flans @laurenflans.bsky.social · 19h

The Woman in Cabin 10 was great! Tight script, good acting. It really drove home for me how 90% of recent movies feel like someone had ChatGPT write a bunch of scenes and then put them together in random order. This wasn't that! Also, a great example of what "gaslighting" ACTUALLY means.

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Lauren Flans @laurenflans.bsky.social · 1d

imagining a hero like popeye who swallows two tylenol when he has to solve complex math problems

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Lauren Flans @laurenflans.bsky.social · 1d

tfw mom catches u striking a pose

a smol dachshund-mix striking a graceful pose in his bed

the same smol dachshund-mix realizing that he has been spotted by the paparazzi (mom with her phone)

Lauren Flans @laurenflans.bsky.social · 1d

a man in a suit is sitting in a chair with a book in front of him and the website sharktankgifts.com is visible

Alt: Mark Cuban writes down a note (probably not about Swiffer wipes, tho).

media.tenor.com

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Lauren Flans @laurenflans.bsky.social · 1d

I agree, but unfortunately today I learned that Swiffer "fresh" scent (which inspired my post) is even WORSE 😭

Lauren Flans @laurenflans.bsky.social · 1d

a man is holding a cube in front of a huawei logo and says it is everything

Alt: a man says "It is everything"

media.tenor.com

Lauren Flans @laurenflans.bsky.social · 1d

I actually like that every cleaning product on the market has the most aggressive scent I have ever experienced in my entire life and they all conflict with each other because I know that this is what my ancestors in Poland used to dream of before they left for America 😌

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Lauren Flans @laurenflans.bsky.social · 2d

PULITZER.

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Lauren Flans @laurenflans.bsky.social · 3d

I honestly think the fact that she is the most famous person in the world is the closest thing we have to proof that this IS a simulation.

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Reposted by Lauren Flans

Lauren Flans @laurenflans.bsky.social · Feb 5

Love her or hate her, you have to agree: Taylor Swift is certainly a person who exists in the world!

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Lauren Flans @laurenflans.bsky.social · 5d

THE BEAUTIFUL BIRTHDAY GIRL! 😍

Lauren Flans @laurenflans.bsky.social · 6d

a man talking to another man with a netflix logo on the bottom

Alt: YOU. ME. SAME.

media.tenor.com

Lauren Flans @laurenflans.bsky.social · 6d

I use the "😃" emoji a whole lot for someone who is both middle aged and clinically depressed.

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Lauren Flans @laurenflans.bsky.social · 6d

it's ok he loves puns

Lauren Flans @laurenflans.bsky.social · 6d

Wow, the timing of your post is wild; literally just this morning I got an email from the place where Pierro gets acupuncture that they're closing down after 27 years 😞 This is some of what they had to say:

"This was an incredibly difficult decision The current labor environment we find ourselves in, specifically the nationwide veterinarian shortage, does not allow us to care for our patients as we want to. Veterinarians are leaving the field in droves, a situation we don’t see changing for years. In response to this crisis in our industry, several new veterinary schools are being created so, hopefully, in the next decade they will start to generate a whole new cadre of veterinarians. (In the US alone there are currently over 35,000 open positions for veterinarians and no one to fill them). And frustratingly for us, our team has never been stronger, our waitlist never longer. But if we can't run our business with love, care, and adequate staffing, we won't do it. We’ve been a proud family-owned clinic since the beginning, resisting the non-stop offers from..."

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Lauren Flans @laurenflans.bsky.social · 6d

he said he would be totally open to doing this if his schedule weren't so packed with snoozes

Lauren Flans @laurenflans.bsky.social · 6d

Pierro is a MASTERFUL snoozer!

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Lauren Flans @laurenflans.bsky.social · 6d

imagine being this smol 🥺

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Lauren Flans @laurenflans.bsky.social · 6d

The love story between The Throat GOAT and The Ass Baron is unparalleled 🥹

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Lauren Flans @laurenflans.bsky.social · 6d

The souls of young gay men 🙂

Screenshot of an email in my inbox from History Facts. The subject line reads "Ronald Reagan couldn't stop eating these."

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