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Matt Ruby

@mattruby.bsky.social

80 followers 37 following 1.4K posts

Comedian/Writer. Join over 16k subscribers and get my funny newsletter in your inbox: https://mattruby.substack.com/

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Matt Ruby @mattruby.bsky.social · May 15

Get my Substack in your inbox. Jokes, videos, essays, and other groovy goodies. Over 16K subscribers.

“The best emailed comedy newsletter coming from anyone today."
-Robert Bostick, HumorPoint

📰 mattruby.substack.com

Matt Ruby @mattruby.bsky.social · 6h

You frequently pay for efficiency with soul.

Matt Ruby @mattruby.bsky.social · 6h

If it was a comedian, you give them the award posthumorously.

Matt Ruby @mattruby.bsky.social · 21h

A fun thing about performing for Saudi Royals is that after the show they really love to chop it up.

Matt Ruby @mattruby.bsky.social · 1d

Shouldn't it be the NOBLE peace prize?

Matt Ruby @mattruby.bsky.social · 1d

Seen multiple comedians arguing the US is "just as bad as Saudi Arabia" which is exactly the kinda devil's advocating nonsense that illustrates why you shouldn't expect wisdom from people whose mission is to generate laughter.

Matt Ruby @mattruby.bsky.social · 1d

It's not that finance people are evil, it's that they're so boring. Sure, make money, save it, grow it, whatever. But to just talk about it constantly? Yaaaaaawn.

Matt Ruby @mattruby.bsky.social · 1d

Know why young people don't trust Boomers? Ketchup bottles. “You lived your entire life with ketchup bottles that had to be tapped in a certain spot? You couldn’t even figure out to put the cap on the bottom!? And now you wanna lecture *us*? That's skibidi."

Matt Ruby @mattruby.bsky.social · 2d

🍆s caused by ED pills should be called "fauxners."

Matt Ruby @mattruby.bsky.social · 3d

I demand accountability from everyone who made me listen to some "NFTs are the future" bullsh*t.

Matt Ruby @mattruby.bsky.social · 3d

Croutons are very zen. They are bread that’s given up their attachment to freshness. “Going stale isn't a problem if you were meant to be stale all along.”

Matt Ruby @mattruby.bsky.social · 3d

ON CROWDWORK:

@birbigs: “Crowdwork is a crutch. It’s what you do when it isn’t working.”

@ryanhamiltone: “Where are you from? Are you on a date? What do you do for a living? Nice shirt. Master these four and you can become a great modern comedian.”

funnyhow.substack.com/p/crowdwork-...

Crowdwork vs. written jokes

Fascinating exchange between Birbigs and Ryan Hamilton.

funnyhow.substack.com

Matt Ruby @mattruby.bsky.social · 3d

On Israel, Gaza, generational warfare, and Bari Weiss: mattruby.substack.com/p/if-you-liv...

If you lived in their timeline, you’d think how they think

On Israel, Gaza, generational warfare, and Bari Weiss.

mattruby.substack.com

Matt Ruby @mattruby.bsky.social · 3d

• Israel attacks Gaza: No problem
• Israel attacks Lebanon: No problem
• Israel attacks Iran: No problem ("actually, we'll help!")
• Israel attacks country giving Trump a $400M plane: END THE WAR NOW

Matt Ruby @mattruby.bsky.social · 3d

Read the rest: open.substack.com/pub/mattruby...

If you lived in their timeline, you’d think how they think

On Israel, Gaza, generational warfare, and Bari Weiss.

open.substack.com

Matt Ruby @mattruby.bsky.social · 3d

🆕 SUBSTACK: "What Bari Weiss and The Free Press offers rich white men is priceless: the sense that they’re the real victims now. You can’t put a price tag on that. (OK, you can...it’s $150 million.)"

On Israel, Gaza, generational warfare, and Bari Weiss...

👇 LINK BELOW 👇

Matt Ruby @mattruby.bsky.social · 4d

The most surprising victory in packaging design history has gotta be that honey comes delivered almost exclusively in plastic bears.

Matt Ruby @mattruby.bsky.social · 4d

“The most beautiful woman in the world? Some guy is tired of having sex with her.” That’s how I feel about Americans who complain endlessly about America.

Matt Ruby @mattruby.bsky.social · 4d

There should be a German word for the feeling you get when your phone shows you your average screen time for the week.

Matt Ruby @mattruby.bsky.social · 4d

If you’re upset about Bad Bunny at the Super Bowl, I got some bad news for you about ⚾️.
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#nfl #mlb #mlbplayoffs #football #baseball #badbunny

Matt Ruby @mattruby.bsky.social · 5d

A Trump-loving Jew buys CBS and installs a pro-Israeli propagandist to head CBS News – I’m sure this will work out great for us Jews and won't fuel conspiracy fires at all. Gulp.

Matt Ruby @mattruby.bsky.social · 5d

We ever gonna meet the Mormon groyper's (alleged) trans girlfriend? Y'know, the one who watched him engrave bullets. Sure seems like that'd be a good story for the press to investigate. Surely there are witnesses who saw 'em together at Drag Queen Assassination Hour or whatever.

Matt Ruby @mattruby.bsky.social · 5d

The incredible gift that Bari Weiss and the Free Press offers rich white men is allowing them to feel like they are the true victims in society right now.

Matt Ruby @mattruby.bsky.social · 5d

Getting your science from someone who hawks supplements is like getting hunting tips from a vegan.

Matt Ruby @mattruby.bsky.social · 5d

“Pretty cool.”
-The devil

Matt Ruby @mattruby.bsky.social · 5d

SEATTLE 11/20. I will needle you.

Tix: www.ticketweb.com/event/matt-r...