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xian cochran

@melferburque.bsky.social

1K followers 760 following 14K posts

weirdo in a weird land. commie pinko dirtbag. asexual. bipolar. he/him

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xian cochran @melferburque.bsky.social · May 24

other people after therapy | me after therapy

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xian cochran @melferburque.bsky.social · 9h

if they beat the brewers in the world series, I will never complain about the mariners ever again.

that would be a perfect world series: seattle mariners vs seattle pilots, and no dodgers.

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xian cochran @melferburque.bsky.social · 9h

who says romance is dead?

what’s the last thing that made you smile?

probably the same as the first: farts

xian cochran @melferburque.bsky.social · 20h

who’s got two thumbs, $461 less in his bank account and is entertaining thoughts of arson?

xian cochran @melferburque.bsky.social · 20h

oh cool verizon took so fucking long to send my final statement, I missed the window for t-mobile to pay off the rest of my phone.

add verizon to the list with ticketmaster of companies I hope get destroyed by a fucking meteor.

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xian cochran @melferburque.bsky.social · 21h

it didn't drop early. I said "this is fucking stupid, thanks for nothing" and hung up.

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xian cochran @melferburque.bsky.social · 21h

"Hey there Christian, this is Kayla from Verizon. I just wanna let you know checking up on because our call seemed to drop early when we're having a conversation regarding about your bill. Thank you so much. God bless and have a great day."

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xian cochran @melferburque.bsky.social · 21h

fuck verizon in the ass with a rusty spoon

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xian cochran @melferburque.bsky.social · 21h

I fucking hung up. they tried calling back. sent that shit straight to voicemail. the sheer fucking incompetence of these companies is astounding.

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xian cochran @melferburque.bsky.social · 21h

"it will be 3-4 business days for us to send mail your bill to your physical address"

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xian cochran @melferburque.bsky.social · 21h

"here's a link that will let you log into your account, but it still won't provide you the account number you need, or let you download your bill"

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xian cochran @melferburque.bsky.social · 21h

"oh we can't give that info over the phone here's eight more hoops you have to jump through"

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xian cochran @melferburque.bsky.social · 21h

now I've been on hold four minutes while he looks shit up. I swear to fucking satan, it should not be this goddamn difficult to match a name to an account #.

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xian cochran @melferburque.bsky.social · 21h

spent three fucking minutes trying to navigate verizons fucking phone tree. you have to listen to the entire "if you want x press y" for SEVEN GODDAMN ITEMS before it would let you choose. you can't interrupt. and every time it'd kick me back to the beginning and I'd have to start over.

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xian cochran @melferburque.bsky.social · 21h

guess I'm going to fucking collections. awesome. fucking cunt AI.

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xian cochran @melferburque.bsky.social · 21h

JEBUS FUCKING CHRIST.

verizon sends me a notice of my final bill. it doesn't include my account number. you need the account number to log in since they shut off your account. their idiotic fucking QAI chat keeps asking me for it and won't let me talk to a fucking person.

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xian cochran @melferburque.bsky.social · 22h

it shaved several years off my life but they’re the shitty years at the end so it alright. little hungover, but I think that’s more stress than beer, I only had four over the entire five hour game.

xian cochran @melferburque.bsky.social · 1d

honestly they could have avoided so much stress by just letting him win the first time

xian cochran @melferburque.bsky.social · 1d

it had strong “let the four year old dunk” energy but we needed something to break the tension

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xian cochran @melferburque.bsky.social · 1d

he finally won a salmon run, they did a second one and the other three all mysteriously got tangled up a hundred feet short of the finish line

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xian cochran @melferburque.bsky.social · 1d

for the team

xian cochran @melferburque.bsky.social · 1d

seriously considering gilloolying the other three fish

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xian cochran @melferburque.bsky.social · 1d

there will not be enough ink spilled over the heroic bravery of humpy in the 15th inning

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xian cochran @melferburque.bsky.social · 1d

never underestimate the power of an underdog story

xian cochran @melferburque.bsky.social · 1d

humpy winning will turn this game

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xian cochran @melferburque.bsky.social · 1d

forget shoe on head. we need a mariners fan to go full superman. underpants as outerpants.

not me.