Author | Lightnews

Moe Ottis

Moe Ottis

@moeottis.bsky.social

3K followers 25K following 3.9K posts

You cannot stop the Moe-mentum 🤘

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Moe Ottis @moeottis.bsky.social · 5h

I really fucked up today. I used invisible shampoo on my dog and now he’s running amuck in the neighborhood. I’ve also been on hold with the invisible dog catchers for an hour.

#ItsOnlyTuesday

Moe Ottis @moeottis.bsky.social · 6h

Going to a Goblin party tonight.

If anyone wants to come, please inject yourself with the fluid inside a glow stick and drown yourself in the LA River.

When you come to, you will be in the Goblin Realm and I will be smiling at you with a big toothy grin

Moe Ottis @moeottis.bsky.social · 1d

FUCK

Moe Ottis @moeottis.bsky.social · 1d

I’m the world’s first Male Lesbian

Reposted by Moe Ottis

Moe Ottis @moeottis.bsky.social · 6d

If the LA Dodgers win the World Series, Toronto will be wiped clean off the map

If the Toronto Blue Jays win the World Series, Toronto will be wiped clean off the map

Either way, the outlook doesn’t look too good for Toronto

Moe Ottis @moeottis.bsky.social · 4d

can you not read?

I said, EVERY DAY IS A NEW NIGHTMARE!!!

Moe Ottis @moeottis.bsky.social · 4d

Tonight, please tune into to my niece’s special Halloween twitch stream.

She will be creating witches stew inside an authentic witch cauldron! Unlike last year, she will unfortunately not be giving it out to trick-or-treaters due to the instant trench foot side effect issue. Thank you!

Moe Ottis @moeottis.bsky.social · 4d

Every day is a new nightmare

Moe Ottis @moeottis.bsky.social · 4d

Moe’s Wild Winery has seen record profits this quarter and as a treat to all my clones, I am giving them each an extra week of paid vacation as well as a magical mirror that shows the evil within.

Moe Ottis @moeottis.bsky.social · 4d

I am prepared to banish any and all malignant spirits that come to my door today to the Realm of Red. Do not fuck with me

Moe Ottis @moeottis.bsky.social · 5d

You’ve Cat to be Kitten me!

Moe Ottis @moeottis.bsky.social · 6d

If the LA Dodgers win the World Series, Toronto will be wiped clean off the map

If the Toronto Blue Jays win the World Series, Toronto will be wiped clean off the map

Either way, the outlook doesn’t look too good for Toronto

Moe Ottis @moeottis.bsky.social · 7d

I’m sitting on my porch right now with my 7th century iron sword just waiting for the HOA president to come by.

Moe Ottis @moeottis.bsky.social · 7d

He doesn’t know what phones are so he might just show up outside your home one day with no notice

Moe Ottis @moeottis.bsky.social · 7d

My eldest son, Stimpy Ottis-Winslet, said he would only speak to me again if I drank 25. I had to negotiate him down to 23

Moe Ottis @moeottis.bsky.social · 7d

Today I’m going to drink 23 cans of dollar store bug spray because I am NOT afraid of trying new things

Moe Ottis @moeottis.bsky.social · 9d

There is a war going on in LA between the green aliens and the gray aliens and you won’t hear a fucking PEEP about it from legacy media.

Moe Ottis @moeottis.bsky.social · 11d

I’m secretly Turkish. Or I should say I WAS secretly Turkish, until the Cleansing happened. I’ve been living like a king ever since

Moe Ottis @moeottis.bsky.social · 12d

Charlie Brown has at least 5 illegitimate children (including my nephew Sammy “The Schizo” Ottis) that he refuses to recognize despite all the threats and rat carcasses I have mailed to his house

For this reason I will once again be boycotting “It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown” this Halloween

Moe Ottis @moeottis.bsky.social · 14d

Yesterday I wore my child prosthetics and went undercover to the jubilee studio to help them film their new video coming out next week.

“1 Big Blue-Eyed 5 Year Old vs 20 pedophiles | Surrounded (ft. Moe Ottis)”

Moe Ottis @moeottis.bsky.social · 14d

Here’s me doing one of my silly faces

Moe Ottis @moeottis.bsky.social · 15d

It’s the best toilet paper I’ve had in a while

Moe Ottis @moeottis.bsky.social · 15d

I’ll make it shine like a star

Moe Ottis @moeottis.bsky.social · 16d

Bear, Salmon. Ant, Boot. You get it now?

Moe Ottis @moeottis.bsky.social · 16d

They’ve got strawberry-kiwi flavoured toilet paper at Target now. It’s time to dig in 🍽️