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Myq Kaplan

@myqkaplan.bsky.social

2.6K followers 230 following 5.8K posts

I’m a comedian! Tour dates: https://punchup.live/myqkaplan More info: http://linktr.ee/myqkaplan

punchup.live

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Myq Kaplan @myqkaplan.bsky.social · 6h

It would be cool if N.W.A. got back together to record an updated version of “Fuck (tha Pol)-ICE.”

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Myq Kaplan @myqkaplan.bsky.social · 14h

Amazing!

Myq Kaplan @myqkaplan.bsky.social · 14h

PS Someone helpfully pointed out that one of the posters says “SAT” when it should say “SUN.” Please come to the show on SUNDAY November 2, 2025, a date which does in fact exist!

Myq Kaplan @myqkaplan.bsky.social · 14h

Okay, so you're definitely the best at keeping your body completely still, what do you want, atrophy?

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Myq Kaplan @myqkaplan.bsky.social · 16h

LA!

I return to headline Dynasty Typewriter on Sunday November 2 at 4pm!

4pm! What an incredible time for a comedy show! Wake up late, come on over, show is done by 6, go home and to sleep again, wheeeee!

I love LA, I love Dynasty, I love you!

📸: Mindy Tucker

🎟️: www.squadup.com/events/the-m...

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Myq Kaplan @myqkaplan.bsky.social · 16h

You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find the one that makes you hallucinate such that you think it's turned into a prince.

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Myq Kaplan @myqkaplan.bsky.social · 16h

"I'm just looking for the one" — someone who's single and wants a relationship

"I'm just looking for the zero" — someone in a relationship who wants to be single

Myq Kaplan @myqkaplan.bsky.social · 17h

One time I got so high I could understand other languages that I don't speak.

That is, I was Rosetta stoned.

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Myq Kaplan @myqkaplan.bsky.social · 17h

I think I might have made a mistake because I made my forgotten password security question “What is your password?”‬

Myq Kaplan @myqkaplan.bsky.social · 17h

Why are skeletons scary?

I think it's because they remind us of our own mortality.

They make us think things like "Oh no, I'LL be a skeleton one day!"

And the good news is, you're already a skeleton! (And more!)

I hope it helps everyone be less scared to think of ourselves as "skeletons deluxe."

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Myq Kaplan @myqkaplan.bsky.social · 17h

If life gives you merm…

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Myq Kaplan @myqkaplan.bsky.social · 17h

CUTE JOKE ALERT!

Thoreau did some good Walden pondering.

CUTE JOKE OVER!

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Myq Kaplan @myqkaplan.bsky.social · 17h

If you could have a meal with any historical figure from throughout all of time OR any fictional character from all art and literature, which one would you choose:

Breakfast, lunch, or dinner?

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Myq Kaplan @myqkaplan.bsky.social · 18h

Thank you!