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Myq Kaplan

@myqkaplan.bsky.social

2.6K followers 230 following 5.8K posts

I’m a comedian! Tour dates: https://punchup.live/myqkaplan More info: http://linktr.ee/myqkaplan

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Myq Kaplan @myqkaplan.bsky.social · 5h

You got me!

Myq Kaplan @myqkaplan.bsky.social · 5h

Haha wow!

Myq Kaplan @myqkaplan.bsky.social · 5h

Fun!

Myq Kaplan @myqkaplan.bsky.social · 5h

Working on a children’s book called “If You Give a Mouse a Presidency (He’ll Ask For a Nobel Peace Prize).”

Myq Kaplan @myqkaplan.bsky.social · 8h

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but you can stop scrolling sometimes.

I can’t, but you can.

Myq Kaplan @myqkaplan.bsky.social · 8h

It's weird that "cacti" is the plural of "cactus" because "us" is plural and "i" is singular.

Myq Kaplan @myqkaplan.bsky.social · 8h

When I first heard about Stockholm Syndrome, it sounded awful, but now I love it.‬

Myq Kaplan @myqkaplan.bsky.social · 9h

Here is a bit from my special “Rini” coming to YouTube November 19! I hope you enjoy!

And this link will take you to where the special will be and offers a handy “Notify Me” button you can click:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=y0uf...

Myq Kaplan @myqkaplan.bsky.social · 1d

Every castle is essentially a sand castle that just takes a different amount of time to eventually wash away.

Myq Kaplan @myqkaplan.bsky.social · 1d

Hahaha love it

Myq Kaplan @myqkaplan.bsky.social · 1d

Have a look at my posts from yesterday! I just announced my new special coming next month! (And the album version will follow)

Myq Kaplan @myqkaplan.bsky.social · 2d

Sometimes when you tell someone you're a comedian, they ask if you've met Seinfeld or suggest trying to get on SNL.

Does that happen to other artists?

"What do you do"
"I'm a painter."
"Cool, do you have anything in the Louvre?"

Myq Kaplan @myqkaplan.bsky.social · 2d

CUTE JOKE ALERT!

Thinking of opening up a pasta place for people who just want to DREAM about eating, called "Penne For Your Thoughts."

CUTE JOKE OVER!

Myq Kaplan @myqkaplan.bsky.social · 2d

I call the expiration dates on food "spoiler alerts."

e.g. This mayonnaise has a twist ending you might not enjoy.

(PS the "M" in "M. Night Shyamalan" stands for "mayonnaise.)

Myq Kaplan @myqkaplan.bsky.social · 2d

"Three eyes!"

— a bully making fun of someone with a monocle

Myq Kaplan @myqkaplan.bsky.social · 2d

I haven’t!

Myq Kaplan @myqkaplan.bsky.social · 2d

More like auto-INcorrect, am I right, ladles?

Myq Kaplan @myqkaplan.bsky.social · 2d

Thanks so much!

And no need to apologize.

I appreciate hearing what you’re sharing!

Much love, and thank you!

Myq Kaplan @myqkaplan.bsky.social · 2d

Beautiful!

Myq Kaplan @myqkaplan.bsky.social · 2d

Thanks so much!

Myq Kaplan @myqkaplan.bsky.social · 3d

Thanks so much for sharing!

Myq Kaplan @myqkaplan.bsky.social · 3d

May his memory be a blessing, thank you for sharing my friend.

Myq Kaplan @myqkaplan.bsky.social · 3d

Today is my birthday!

To celebrate, I got YOU a gift: the trailer for my new special, “Rini”!

Rini is my gf and we made the show together!

Want to get ME a gift?
Click the “remind” button!
And/or share this with everyone who might enjoy it!

Thanks and love, all!

www.youtube.com/watch?v=y0uf...

Myq Kaplan @myqkaplan.bsky.social · 3d

“I would sing happy birthday but I don’t want to spoil your day”

— a birthday voice message I got from my grandmother on this day in 2019, her final my-birthday (a message that continues to do the OPPOSITE of spoil my day)

Myq Kaplan @myqkaplan.bsky.social · 4d

Haha could be!