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Not Invented

@notinvented.bsky.social

110 followers 50 following 910 posts

Professional IT nerd, amateur photographer, shining wit. Once managed to get 2 answers right in Only Connect but it made my brain hurt for days. I will block or play with any suspected non human interlocutors.

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Not Invented @notinvented.bsky.social · 4h

Dammit, I've been stuffing them up my nostrils to stop my nose from running.

No wonder all those people in the car park laughed and pointed at me for doing it wrong.

Not Invented @notinvented.bsky.social · 4h

I saw the kid had obviously lobbed a decapitated deer head into a tree, and realised that they need professional help, not a court artist documenting the unfolding scandal.

Not Invented @notinvented.bsky.social · 5h

Candidate, thinking on the way home after the interview....

"I did say 'in Octal' after I said 27, didn't I?

I mean surely they'd never assume a programmer's favourite prime number was in decimal..."

Not Invented @notinvented.bsky.social · 12h

Poor guy has flopped over unexpectedly and is trying to get himself to stand up straight.

He just needs a good blow.

Not Invented @notinvented.bsky.social · 12h

They run their shop in camera.

Not Invented @notinvented.bsky.social · 12h

That's just the producer's dog whistle.
Don't forget the sub, woofer.

Not Invented @notinvented.bsky.social · 12h

It's a bed warmer. You fill it with rats or mice and stick it under your bedsheets for an hour or so to warm it up.

Medieval people who never washed and lived in a land of permanently muted colours, discovered if you fill it really full you get a bristle effect which can be used to scrub dishes.

Not Invented @notinvented.bsky.social · 12h

See a doctor and get them to do a check, mate.

Not Invented @notinvented.bsky.social · 1d

Perhaps he's scared of vampires.

1 6

Not Invented @notinvented.bsky.social · 1d

A bird in the hand is worth 2 if you're bushed.

Not Invented @notinvented.bsky.social · 1d

Only $1000 on a dac amp combo?
Cheap junk!

1 1

Not Invented @notinvented.bsky.social · 1d

Memo to Air Traffic Controllers:

Check all inbound aircraft for spare food.

Prioritise planes with spare hot food, then sandwiches. Immediately distribute to airport staff who haven't eaten today.

Non-food aircraft agree to pay an extra $500 in cash upon landing, or get directed into terrain.

Not Invented @notinvented.bsky.social · 1d

Drain the swamp!
;)

1 10

Not Invented @notinvented.bsky.social · 2d

We need to stop the riots in Portland spreading to nearby cities, such as Starboardland, Aftland and Bowland.

I am therefore banning not just Antifa, but Antidoh, Antirey and Antimi. And any other terrorist organisations created by Julie Andrews.

4 9 140

Not Invented @notinvented.bsky.social · 2d

Thx - I enjoyed that.
:)

Not Invented @notinvented.bsky.social · 2d

Heard it this morning, it was a great topic discussed well, and it sounded like two old friends allowing us to listen in to them chatting over coffee.

(Although I did have to look up who Cicero was because I'm an uneducated, uninformed, unenlightened ignoramus).

1 2

Not Invented @notinvented.bsky.social · 2d

I wonder if Nick Clegg, former British political leader of the Liberal Democratic party, will feel the need to apologise at some point?

It wouldn't be the first time...

youtube.com/watch?v=KUDj...

The Nick Clegg Apology Song: I'm Sorry (The Autotune Remix)

YouTube video by The Poke

youtube.com

Not Invented @notinvented.bsky.social · 2d

Great pictures!

I love the composition of the black and white squares / framed one, especially as the woman's clothes and pose perfectly match the artwork.

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Not Invented @notinvented.bsky.social · 2d

You can't beat finding true love by doing it the old school way - filling in forms and recording yourself on video tape.

youtube.com/watch?v=TiAo...

Lily Linneker's Love Bureau | Bottom | BBC Comedy Greats

YouTube video by BBC Comedy Greats

youtube.com

Not Invented @notinvented.bsky.social · 2d

Imagine people who claim they are really into cars failing to recognise a speaker.

Not Invented @notinvented.bsky.social · 2d

My advice to Hank would be to film everything on greenscreen complete with tracking markers, and then it'd be much easier to add the dinosaurs and laser beams in post.

And don't forget a well spliced in b-roll of 'exploding volcano v5810' will really help keep your key demographic interested.

Not Invented @notinvented.bsky.social · 2d

Pronouncing the T in the London Underground rail network and calling it the "Tube", rather than Chewb.

There's proberly summat abaat it on YouChube if yer intrested, innit mate.

Not Invented @notinvented.bsky.social · 3d

Blue Peter parachute episode is mentioned in the paper - I think this (or at least that part of it) became famous as extracts in clip shows.

youtube.com/watch?v=-O3Y...

1973: JOHN NOAKES' Death-Defying Five-Mile FREEFALL | Blue Peter | BBC Archive

YouTube video by BBC Archive

youtube.com

Not Invented @notinvented.bsky.social · 3d

He missed his s.o.n.

Not Invented @notinvented.bsky.social · 3d

Had a chat with Old Ben (as he likes to be known) earlier. He was shitting bricks because finally he got to meet Mark Watson. Took him 4 hours to pick a shirt because he didn't want to get it wrong.... poor guy.
;)