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Chris - Tortured Systems Engineer™️

@optesterchris.bsky.social

1.1K followers 580 following 1.8K posts

Navy (ret) Surface Warfare Officer & missile defender with a side of fries. I taught Zach Mayo everything he knows. A perfectly flawed human. Opinions = my own.

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Chris - Tortured Systems Engineer™️ @optesterchris.bsky.social · 18m

Mmmmm sourdough

a man in a helmet is looking at the camera with the words `` desire to know more intensifies '' written below him .

ALT: a man in a helmet is looking at the camera with the words `` desire to know more intensifies '' written below him .

media.tenor.com

Chris - Tortured Systems Engineer™️ @optesterchris.bsky.social · 22m

I love homemade pizza! What time is dinner?

Use naan as the crust. Makes it easier!

Chris - Tortured Systems Engineer™️ @optesterchris.bsky.social · 59m

I see you have eaten MRE pizza before

a man wearing a top hat and a vest is standing in front of a pile of rocks ..

ALT: a man wearing a top hat and a vest is standing in front of a pile of rocks ..

media.tenor.com

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Chris - Tortured Systems Engineer™️ @optesterchris.bsky.social · 1h

Free slice of Chicago pizza - I’m there.

Free slice of Chicago pizza with poor tasting sauce - I’m there but will bitch about it the entire time.

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Chris - Tortured Systems Engineer™️ @optesterchris.bsky.social · 1h

I’m an equal opportunity pizza enthusiast. All pizza is good pizza.

The BEST kind of pizza is free pizza. The WORST kind of pizza is overpriced, no taste pizza.

Paul Graf @paulginva.bsky.social · 1d

Look, no matter what kind of pizza you think is the BEST, we should all agree that New York pizza is the WORST. It's a soggy piece of cardboard with pan grease poured over the top. It's something you make prisoners eat to break their spirits.

The image presents six different styles of pizza and asks "Which Slice Is Superior?". The styles shown are:
Chicago: A deep-dish pizza with a thick crust and a generous amount of sauce and cheese.
Neapolitan: A thin-crust pizza with a soft, airy crust and simple toppings, often featuring fresh mozzarella and basil.
Detroit: A rectangular, thick-crust pizza with a crispy, caramelized cheese edge.
Classic NYC: A large, thin-crust pizza slice that is foldable.
Tavern: A thin-crust pizza cut into small, square pieces.
Sicilian: A thick, rectangular pizza with a fluffy, bread-like crust.

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Chris - Tortured Systems Engineer™️ @optesterchris.bsky.social · 1h

In and out in 30 minutes. Everything on my list procured and under budget.

Not all heroes wear capes.

Chris - Tortured Systems Engineer™️ @optesterchris.bsky.social · 22h

Be right back… we’re out touching grass

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Chris - Tortured Systems Engineer™️ @optesterchris.bsky.social · 1d

A live look at me looking at my bank account after my last paycheck was deposited:

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Chris - Tortured Systems Engineer™️ @optesterchris.bsky.social · 2d

Post-lunch civic duty

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Chris - Tortured Systems Engineer™️ @optesterchris.bsky.social · 3d

What I want:
- 3 eggs
- Bacon
- Sausage
- Toast with jam
- Hash browns

What I will have:
- Plain Greek yogurt
- Berries
- Protein-enriched granola

Adulting is ok sometimes…

Chris - Tortured Systems Engineer™️ @optesterchris.bsky.social · 3d

Post-cheeseburger bliss

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Chris - Tortured Systems Engineer™️ @optesterchris.bsky.social · 3d

This weirdo loss two tennis balls and three sticks trying to swim after them, but the current was too strong today.

I will make amends with a couple of cheeseburgers.