Chris - Tortured Systems Engineer™️
@optesterchris.bsky.social
Navy (ret) Surface Warfare Officer & missile defender with a side of fries. I taught Zach Mayo everything he knows. A perfectly flawed human. Opinions = my own.
I decided to go to an exclusive membership dinner tonight…
February 14, 2026 at 10:54 PM
I decided to go to an exclusive membership dinner tonight…
Felt healthy today to take my Valentine on an off-leash walk to let her chase squirrels and birds until her heart was content.
February 14, 2026 at 9:07 PM
Felt healthy today to take my Valentine on an off-leash walk to let her chase squirrels and birds until her heart was content.
Current mood so far since January 21st 2025
February 12, 2026 at 9:25 PM
Current mood so far since January 21st 2025
Having a pretty nasty hamstring injury plus living in a house with a lot of stairs and a demanding dog with no backyard for her makes for interesting times…
an older man with a beard and mustache is smiling and says `` smile through the pain '' .
ALT: an older man with a beard and mustache is smiling and says `` smile through the pain '' .
media.tenor.com
February 10, 2026 at 12:56 AM
Having a pretty nasty hamstring injury plus living in a house with a lot of stairs and a demanding dog with no backyard for her makes for interesting times…
Or in other words:
- “I will lie for you if you pardon me”
Or
- “He’s guilty as hell and I got the goods”
- “I will lie for you if you pardon me”
Or
- “He’s guilty as hell and I got the goods”
February 9, 2026 at 6:50 PM
Or in other words:
- “I will lie for you if you pardon me”
Or
- “He’s guilty as hell and I got the goods”
- “I will lie for you if you pardon me”
Or
- “He’s guilty as hell and I got the goods”
Not to brag or anything, but check out my latest score!
February 9, 2026 at 6:19 PM
Not to brag or anything, but check out my latest score!
I can confirm it feels like -3°F out there
February 7, 2026 at 4:34 PM
I can confirm it feels like -3°F out there
Inside of you there are two wolves
February 7, 2026 at 12:03 AM
Inside of you there are two wolves
I made a new friend today.
His name is Rambo and he scampered away from his home and his retired father was worried about him.
His name is Rambo and he scampered away from his home and his retired father was worried about him.
February 6, 2026 at 11:08 PM
I made a new friend today.
His name is Rambo and he scampered away from his home and his retired father was worried about him.
His name is Rambo and he scampered away from his home and his retired father was worried about him.
Regrets collect like old friends
Here to relive your darkest moments
I can see no way, I can see no way
And all of the ghouls come out to play
And every demon wants his pound of flesh
But I like to keep some things to myself
I like to keep my issues drawn
It's always darkest before the dawn
Here to relive your darkest moments
I can see no way, I can see no way
And all of the ghouls come out to play
And every demon wants his pound of flesh
But I like to keep some things to myself
I like to keep my issues drawn
It's always darkest before the dawn
February 6, 2026 at 12:23 PM
Regrets collect like old friends
Here to relive your darkest moments
I can see no way, I can see no way
And all of the ghouls come out to play
And every demon wants his pound of flesh
But I like to keep some things to myself
I like to keep my issues drawn
It's always darkest before the dawn
Here to relive your darkest moments
I can see no way, I can see no way
And all of the ghouls come out to play
And every demon wants his pound of flesh
But I like to keep some things to myself
I like to keep my issues drawn
It's always darkest before the dawn
Metro reading
February 5, 2026 at 12:26 PM
Metro reading
My brother had to say goodbye to his dog of 16 years today. Zola is 10 years old. I hope I get 6 more years of pictures like this with her.
February 4, 2026 at 11:04 PM
My brother had to say goodbye to his dog of 16 years today. Zola is 10 years old. I hope I get 6 more years of pictures like this with her.
Totally believable.
February 4, 2026 at 11:43 AM
Totally believable.
I was productive today since I have been furloughed:
- I did my taxes
- I rage cleaned my kitchen and bathrooms
- Took the dog on a long walk
And today is the 10th anniversary of this GIF.
So clap everyone!
- I did my taxes
- I rage cleaned my kitchen and bathrooms
- Took the dog on a long walk
And today is the 10th anniversary of this GIF.
So clap everyone!
a man is standing in front of a sign that says ' usted leadership for a stronger america '
ALT: a man is standing in front of a sign that says ' usted leadership for a stronger america '
media.tenor.com
February 2, 2026 at 10:52 PM
I was productive today since I have been furloughed:
- I did my taxes
- I rage cleaned my kitchen and bathrooms
- Took the dog on a long walk
And today is the 10th anniversary of this GIF.
So clap everyone!
- I did my taxes
- I rage cleaned my kitchen and bathrooms
- Took the dog on a long walk
And today is the 10th anniversary of this GIF.
So clap everyone!
Zola’s disappointment about the frozen pond and the inability to get in the water is palatable.
February 2, 2026 at 8:44 PM
Zola’s disappointment about the frozen pond and the inability to get in the water is palatable.
“Darn rat in Pennsylvania dictating weather patterns, again. This is some bulls___!”
Tired: Chris walking his dog with windchill temperature of 10°
Uninspired: It's been Groundhog Day for 12 months now...
Tired: Chris walking his dog with windchill temperature of 10°
Uninspired: It's been Groundhog Day for 12 months now...
February 2, 2026 at 11:14 AM
“Darn rat in Pennsylvania dictating weather patterns, again. This is some bulls___!”
Tired: Chris walking his dog with windchill temperature of 10°
Uninspired: It's been Groundhog Day for 12 months now...
Tired: Chris walking his dog with windchill temperature of 10°
Uninspired: It's been Groundhog Day for 12 months now...
Zola was so impressed with your snowman she had to pee next to it to claim it as her own.
February 1, 2026 at 9:04 PM
Zola was so impressed with your snowman she had to pee next to it to claim it as her own.
Treat. Your. Self.
February 1, 2026 at 5:58 PM
Treat. Your. Self.
We made it, y’all!
And the horrors persist and so we must persist out of spite.
And the horrors persist and so we must persist out of spite.
February 1, 2026 at 12:43 PM
We made it, y’all!
And the horrors persist and so we must persist out of spite.
And the horrors persist and so we must persist out of spite.
You know what…
I’m tired of people in positions of power say something is a hoax when evidence, circumstantial and credible, points to something not being a hoax.
Gaslighting the public in a brazen attempt to stay free from ramifications is shameful. Those that fall for it are just sad.
I’m tired of people in positions of power say something is a hoax when evidence, circumstantial and credible, points to something not being a hoax.
Gaslighting the public in a brazen attempt to stay free from ramifications is shameful. Those that fall for it are just sad.
January 31, 2026 at 11:23 PM
You know what…
I’m tired of people in positions of power say something is a hoax when evidence, circumstantial and credible, points to something not being a hoax.
Gaslighting the public in a brazen attempt to stay free from ramifications is shameful. Those that fall for it are just sad.
I’m tired of people in positions of power say something is a hoax when evidence, circumstantial and credible, points to something not being a hoax.
Gaslighting the public in a brazen attempt to stay free from ramifications is shameful. Those that fall for it are just sad.
Zola and I live on an ice planet. The breeze off the frozen Potomac River was BRISK!
January 31, 2026 at 10:26 PM
Zola and I live on an ice planet. The breeze off the frozen Potomac River was BRISK!
Mood based on the current situation on the internet
January 31, 2026 at 12:21 AM
Mood based on the current situation on the internet
Zola wants everyone to know she ran off the herd of deer that were in the mingling in the woods below the hill and protected us from their evil ways.
January 29, 2026 at 8:20 PM
Zola wants everyone to know she ran off the herd of deer that were in the mingling in the woods below the hill and protected us from their evil ways.
Current mood
January 28, 2026 at 6:08 PM
Current mood
Me: Time to telework.
Them: All the meetings scheduled for today are canceled.
Me: Well, shit… what am I going to do now?
Others whisper: Bake cookies
Them: All the meetings scheduled for today are canceled.
Me: Well, shit… what am I going to do now?
Others whisper: Bake cookies
January 27, 2026 at 5:51 PM
Me: Time to telework.
Them: All the meetings scheduled for today are canceled.
Me: Well, shit… what am I going to do now?
Others whisper: Bake cookies
Them: All the meetings scheduled for today are canceled.
Me: Well, shit… what am I going to do now?
Others whisper: Bake cookies