Author | Lightnews

Parentball

@parentball.bsky.social

4.1K followers 1K following 1.5K posts

Parenting humor. Assorted dumb jokes. Too many puns. Humor writing: https://www.mcsweeneys.net/authors/michael-ward & https://medium.com/@mikeward08 Building a game for parents: www.parentball.com (New season drops later in 2025) Just outside Boston.

www.mcsweeneys.net

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Parentball @parentball.bsky.social · Nov 15

*200,000 years ago, nomadic hunter/gatherer clan*
6yo: Are we there yet?
Parent: ...
6yo: Are we there yet?
Parent: ...
6yo: Are we there yet?
Parents: HOW MANY TIMES DO WE NEED TO SAY THIS? THERE IS NO THERE!

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Parentball @parentball.bsky.social · 12h

It was the best of times; it was the New York Times op-ed page of times.

Parentball @parentball.bsky.social · 14h

🎶 Now I've heard there was a sandwich guy
Who tossed a sub at an agent from ICE
But you don't really care what kind of sandwich, do you?
It goes like this, the onions, the mustard
The minor stains, the tiny smirch
The baffled jury acquitting, Hallelujah

Jury acquits D.C. 'sandwich guy' charged with chucking a sub at a federal agent

Sean Dunn faced a single misdemeanor after federal grand jurors refused to indict him on the felony charge sought by prosecutors.

www.nbcnews.com

1 4

Parentball @parentball.bsky.social · 14h

Someone has to post it

Parentball @parentball.bsky.social · 15h

I tried to get into phrenology, but it was hard to get ahead

Reposted by Parentball

Paul Fairie @paulisci.bsky.social · 19h

A List of Things Said to Have Been Ruined by Women

🧵

210 2.4K 5.4K

Parentball @parentball.bsky.social · 23h

I’m guessing they are re-leaved

Parentball @parentball.bsky.social · 1d

“Dad, I’m starvingly thirsty” -6yo, inventing a perfectly cromulent new phrase

Parentball @parentball.bsky.social · 2d

Effluvial eloquence

Parentball @parentball.bsky.social · 2d

Not now, light of 10 trillion suns. Read the room
www.nbcnews.com/science/spac...

The light of 10 trillion suns: Scientists report the biggest black hole flare ever recorded

A supermassive black hole violently gobbled up an enormous star, producing a gargantuan cosmic outburst, according to a new study.

www.nbcnews.com

Parentball @parentball.bsky.social · 2d

When you open a Starburst two-pack and both are red

a bald man in a plaid shirt and vest

ALT: a bald man in a plaid shirt and vest

media.tenor.com

Parentball @parentball.bsky.social · 3d

If it’d been the other shoes, you’d be all right

Parentball @parentball.bsky.social · 3d

We could solve our global energy needs if we could harness the attracting force between newly painted surfaces and kids’ unwashed post-breakfast hands

Parentball @parentball.bsky.social · 3d

bsky.app/profile/pare...

Parentball @parentball.bsky.social · Sep 2

First day of school and 10yo’s teacher asked all the kids in the class what their favorite summer treat was and most kids said chocolate ice cream or ice cream, but apparently Louie said soup

Parentball @parentball.bsky.social · 5d

Ok, but at least they’re illegally invading by force of legs, not by force of arms

Parentball @parentball.bsky.social · 5d

POV: you are a 10yo or 6yo, and your parents are explaining daylight savings time to you

1 6

Parentball @parentball.bsky.social · 6d

*6yo is attempting to wrestle 10yo*

10yo: Stop!

6yo: *continues*

10yo: Actually stop!

6yo: I’m not going to stop. And my name isn’t Actually.

Me: *eyes well up with pride*

Parentball @parentball.bsky.social · 6d

I was this baseball card when I was 12 or 13.

Parentball @parentball.bsky.social · 6d

The % of US GDP that goes to Halloween decorations has gotta be approaching double digits

Reposted by Parentball

Shannon Sanders @shanders.bsky.social · 6d

“What do you say? What do you say? What do you say? What do you say? What do you say? What do you—oh good, great job. What do you say? What do you say? What do you say? What do you say? What do you say? What do you say? What do you say?”

4 2 34

Parentball @parentball.bsky.social · 6d

💯🔥

Parentball @parentball.bsky.social · 7d

And if you talk about how strong dinosaurs were on the drive, well, that’s dyno might!

Parentball @parentball.bsky.social · 7d

6yo pulled out her doctor’s bag and told me to take a seat. She took my temp and informed me it was “sad.” Then she took my blood pressure and said it was “too fast.” Pretty good care, all things considered

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Parentball @parentball.bsky.social · 7d

It’s 24 hours until Trick or Treating. And you know what that means…6yo just announced she no longer wants to be Snow White, the costume we bought her weeks ago. Classic move. Glad to see the kids still have got it

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Parentball @parentball.bsky.social · 7d

That’s called Community Serbice send post

Parentball @parentball.bsky.social · 8d

Not now, carnivorous death ball sponge. Read the room

Carnivorous ‘death ball’ sponge among new species found in depths of Southern Ocean

Researchers previously took first confirmed footage of a juvenile colossal squid in scarcely explored habitat