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Paul Eggleston

@pauleggleston.bsky.social

5.1K followers 290 following 890 posts

I put the 'cool' in 'convoluted'. Well, actually I put the 'convol' in 'convoluted' so you just have to take the 'nv' bit out of 'convol', and push the 'co' and the 'ol' together to make 'cool'. www.pauleggleston.com My book: https://amzn.eu/d/9DrMuOS

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Paul Eggleston @pauleggleston.bsky.social · 2d

I've invented a new saying, 'as proud as a Frenchman making strawberry butter', which I'm sure you'll agree is a lovely churn of fraise.

#LunchPun

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Paul Eggleston @pauleggleston.bsky.social · 1d

I've known a few guys who thought they were pretty smart
But you've got constriction down to an art
You think you're a genius, you drive me up the wall
You're a regular original, make it small
Okay, so you're Rick Moranis from 'Honey I Shrunk The Kids'
That don't compress me much

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Paul Eggleston @pauleggleston.bsky.social · 1d

When my friend, Dr Lecter, found out that I own one of Marcel Marceau's cryogenically frozen buttocks, he asked for a sliver, which was a bit cheeky, so I gave him a piece of mime hind.

Paul Eggleston @pauleggleston.bsky.social · 1d

My wife likes me to give her a piggyback to the cashpoint but she said it's my fault that she struggles to reach the money. I do wish she wouldn't take it out on me.

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Reposted by Paul Eggleston

Paul Eggleston @pauleggleston.bsky.social · Jan 19

- I keep dreaming about rodents drowning in treacle, crying out for some cheddar.
- Mice in syrup holler 'CHEESE'?
- Hey it's not your fault.

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Paul Eggleston @pauleggleston.bsky.social · 1d

Nile Rodgers was telling me how a former UK Prime Minister converted all his band mates to Catholicism, and maybe I should consider following suit! I thought, he's got a Blair-faithed Chic!

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Reposted by Paul Eggleston

Paul Eggleston @pauleggleston.bsky.social · 2d

I've invented a new saying, 'as proud as a Frenchman making strawberry butter', which I'm sure you'll agree is a lovely churn of fraise.

#LunchPun

12 32 250

Paul Eggleston @pauleggleston.bsky.social · 1d

I've written an inflatable book called 'The Acid House Years - 1987'. You have to pump up the volume.

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Paul Eggleston @pauleggleston.bsky.social · 1d

Her fragrance brought back memories of when I worked in a ramshackle hut at a posh racecourse. She told me she was from Edinburgh. This didn't surprise me, as she had Ascot shack scent.

Reposted by Paul Eggleston

Paul Eggleston @pauleggleston.bsky.social · 1d

- Just wanted to let you know that a group of insurgents with untidily-tied ribbons in their hair have seized control of the French government today.
- Messy bow coup?
- You're very welcome.

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Reposted by Paul Eggleston

Paul Eggleston @pauleggleston.bsky.social · 1d

- I've just checked into a hotel and there's a desert tribe here holding an event in celebration of the humble biro.
- Bedouin Bic fest?
- No, all inclusive.

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Paul Eggleston @pauleggleston.bsky.social · 1d

- Just wanted to let you know that a group of insurgents with untidily-tied ribbons in their hair have seized control of the French government today.
- Messy bow coup?
- You're very welcome.

1 6 31

Reposted by Paul Eggleston

Paul Eggleston @pauleggleston.bsky.social · Nov 13

[Scooby Doo at an interview]
Interviewer: May I see your CV?
Scooby: *hands CV over* Rrres you may!
Interviewer: Round here we call it a CV.

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Paul Eggleston @pauleggleston.bsky.social · 1d

- I've just checked into a hotel and there's a desert tribe here holding an event in celebration of the humble biro.
- Bedouin Bic fest?
- No, all inclusive.

3 3 21

Paul Eggleston @pauleggleston.bsky.social · 2d

😂
I found a suspicious fibre in a tub of margarine. My wife thinks it could be off someone's head, but I can't believe it's not butthair...

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Paul Eggleston @pauleggleston.bsky.social · 2d

I've invented a new saying, 'as proud as a Frenchman making strawberry butter', which I'm sure you'll agree is a lovely churn of fraise.

#LunchPun

12 32 250

Reposted by Paul Eggleston

Jonathan Bromley @bromleyj.bsky.social · 3d

He's innocent and I have convincing evidence. At the scene there was some dough, fermenting because of the mouldy jar cover beneath - proving it was done by a different musty lid.

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Paul Eggleston @pauleggleston.bsky.social · 3d

Members of the jury, if you are going to convict Mr Stoat of chewing his way into the bank vault, you need to be satisfied that he is guilty beyond all weasel-nibble doubt.

#LunchPun

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Paul Eggleston @pauleggleston.bsky.social · 3d

Hey, @rozzypunter.bsky.social is brand new on here, and I never even knew she was a punster! Go on, give her a follow! 🙂

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Reposted by Paul Eggleston

Robyn Painter @rozzypunter.bsky.social · 3d

Wasn't expecting Bonnie Tyler to be employed as a spokesperson for a workwear company, but I guess it's the locutorships of Carhartt

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Paul Eggleston @pauleggleston.bsky.social · 3d

I tried to come up with an anagram of 'inane grave'. Never again.

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Paul Eggleston @pauleggleston.bsky.social · 3d

😂

Reposted by Paul Eggleston

Paul Eggleston @pauleggleston.bsky.social · 4d

- I've just started a new job making jewellery out of small puff pastry cases.
- Vol-au-vent earring?
- No, they pay me.

#LunchPun

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Paul Eggleston @pauleggleston.bsky.social · 4d

- I've just started a new job making jewellery out of small puff pastry cases.
- Vol-au-vent earring?
- No, they pay me.

#LunchPun

2 2 14

Paul Eggleston @pauleggleston.bsky.social · 4d

Just thinking of Bromine makes me feel cold. Br.

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Paul Eggleston @pauleggleston.bsky.social · 5d

I'll never admit that I'm still the one who keeps stopping my wife's 'Man, I Feel Like a Woman' CD, because I've got pausable Shaniability.

#LunchPun

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