Paul Eggleston
@pauleggleston.bsky.social
I put the 'cool' in 'convoluted'.
Well, actually I put the 'convol' in 'convoluted' so you just have to take the 'nv' bit out of 'convol', and push the 'co' and the 'ol' together to make 'cool'.
www.pauleggleston.com
My book: https://amzn.eu/d/9DrMuOS
Well, actually I put the 'convol' in 'convoluted' so you just have to take the 'nv' bit out of 'convol', and push the 'co' and the 'ol' together to make 'cool'.
www.pauleggleston.com
My book: https://amzn.eu/d/9DrMuOS
Pinned
Paul Eggleston
@pauleggleston.bsky.social
· Oct 10
I've invented a new saying, 'as proud as a Frenchman making strawberry butter', which I'm sure you'll agree is a lovely churn of fraise.
#LunchPun
#LunchPun
Last Christmas,
I gave you a book entitled 'Cure your obsession with how heavy your gifts are',
But the very next day
You gave it a weigh.
I gave you a book entitled 'Cure your obsession with how heavy your gifts are',
But the very next day
You gave it a weigh.
December 3, 2025 at 8:14 PM
Last Christmas,
I gave you a book entitled 'Cure your obsession with how heavy your gifts are',
But the very next day
You gave it a weigh.
I gave you a book entitled 'Cure your obsession with how heavy your gifts are',
But the very next day
You gave it a weigh.
Could anyone lend me a nice car? I'd really depreciate it.
December 2, 2025 at 5:41 PM
Could anyone lend me a nice car? I'd really depreciate it.
Reposted by Paul Eggleston
Reposted by Paul Eggleston
Reposted by Paul Eggleston
If words were ever to develop religion, their places of worship would be decorated with Eggleston jokes. Like medieval Last Judgment murals, they would warn faithful dictionary denizens of the terrible eternal torment that awaits if they allow themselves to be misappropriated.
December 1, 2025 at 12:58 PM
If words were ever to develop religion, their places of worship would be decorated with Eggleston jokes. Like medieval Last Judgment murals, they would warn faithful dictionary denizens of the terrible eternal torment that awaits if they allow themselves to be misappropriated.
- My mate keeps trying to make a beef stew *so* hot that it warms the whole of the United Kingdom to the temperature at which a lightbulb will frazzle insects of the order Lepidoptera.
- Heats bourguignon 'til UK hot like crisp moths?
- Yes it is feeling rather festive, isn't it?
- Heats bourguignon 'til UK hot like crisp moths?
- Yes it is feeling rather festive, isn't it?
December 1, 2025 at 12:01 PM
- My mate keeps trying to make a beef stew *so* hot that it warms the whole of the United Kingdom to the temperature at which a lightbulb will frazzle insects of the order Lepidoptera.
- Heats bourguignon 'til UK hot like crisp moths?
- Yes it is feeling rather festive, isn't it?
- Heats bourguignon 'til UK hot like crisp moths?
- Yes it is feeling rather festive, isn't it?
Reposted by Paul Eggleston
- I've heard that the BBC are going to do a hit piece on an alpaca.
- Pan a llama?
- No, Newsnight.
- Pan a llama?
- No, Newsnight.
November 24, 2025 at 8:51 PM
- I've heard that the BBC are going to do a hit piece on an alpaca.
- Pan a llama?
- No, Newsnight.
- Pan a llama?
- No, Newsnight.
Butcher also inhaled sauce (11)
November 24, 2025 at 9:01 PM
Butcher also inhaled sauce (11)
- I've heard that the BBC are going to do a hit piece on an alpaca.
- Pan a llama?
- No, Newsnight.
- Pan a llama?
- No, Newsnight.
November 24, 2025 at 8:51 PM
- I've heard that the BBC are going to do a hit piece on an alpaca.
- Pan a llama?
- No, Newsnight.
- Pan a llama?
- No, Newsnight.
Reposted by Paul Eggleston
I wanted to buy a tubular scarf off Vinted but it came with a frilly Elizabethan collar and the seller wouldn't split them. Still, I suppose you have to take the ruff with the snood.
November 21, 2025 at 3:09 PM
I wanted to buy a tubular scarf off Vinted but it came with a frilly Elizabethan collar and the seller wouldn't split them. Still, I suppose you have to take the ruff with the snood.
Reposted by Paul Eggleston
Fuck off, I'm absolutely not reposting this, it's terrible. 😂🙄😂
I wanted to buy a tubular scarf off Vinted but it came with a frilly Elizabethan collar and the seller wouldn't split them. Still, I suppose you have to take the ruff with the snood.
November 21, 2025 at 3:16 PM
Fuck off, I'm absolutely not reposting this, it's terrible. 😂🙄😂
I wanted to buy a tubular scarf off Vinted but it came with a frilly Elizabethan collar and the seller wouldn't split them. Still, I suppose you have to take the ruff with the snood.
November 21, 2025 at 3:09 PM
I wanted to buy a tubular scarf off Vinted but it came with a frilly Elizabethan collar and the seller wouldn't split them. Still, I suppose you have to take the ruff with the snood.
Reposted by Paul Eggleston
Freddie Mercury's Grandmother: I need an almond-flavoured liqueur, but I'm waiting for one of the supermarkets to do a discount.
Freddie Mercury: I see a Lidl's Amaretto offer, Nan.
Freddie Mercury: I see a Lidl's Amaretto offer, Nan.
November 12, 2024 at 6:19 PM
Freddie Mercury's Grandmother: I need an almond-flavoured liqueur, but I'm waiting for one of the supermarkets to do a discount.
Freddie Mercury: I see a Lidl's Amaretto offer, Nan.
Freddie Mercury: I see a Lidl's Amaretto offer, Nan.
Reposted by Paul Eggleston
I've heard that my lodger has bought a new swivel chair, but I don't know for sure. Possibly just a roomer going around.
November 19, 2025 at 11:34 PM
I've heard that my lodger has bought a new swivel chair, but I don't know for sure. Possibly just a roomer going around.
I've heard that my lodger has bought a new swivel chair, but I don't know for sure. Possibly just a roomer going around.
November 19, 2025 at 11:34 PM
I've heard that my lodger has bought a new swivel chair, but I don't know for sure. Possibly just a roomer going around.
Reposted by Paul Eggleston
***Storyline confirmed for new series of #LineOfDuty***
Suspicions of police interference in events at Mount Vesuvius in 79AD lead to a new job for AE-12, the Antique Eruption Unit.
Suspicions of police interference in events at Mount Vesuvius in 79AD lead to a new job for AE-12, the Antique Eruption Unit.
November 19, 2025 at 12:00 PM
***Storyline confirmed for new series of #LineOfDuty***
Suspicions of police interference in events at Mount Vesuvius in 79AD lead to a new job for AE-12, the Antique Eruption Unit.
Suspicions of police interference in events at Mount Vesuvius in 79AD lead to a new job for AE-12, the Antique Eruption Unit.
***Storyline confirmed for new series of #LineOfDuty***
Suspicions of police interference in events at Mount Vesuvius in 79AD lead to a new job for AE-12, the Antique Eruption Unit.
Suspicions of police interference in events at Mount Vesuvius in 79AD lead to a new job for AE-12, the Antique Eruption Unit.
November 19, 2025 at 12:00 PM
***Storyline confirmed for new series of #LineOfDuty***
Suspicions of police interference in events at Mount Vesuvius in 79AD lead to a new job for AE-12, the Antique Eruption Unit.
Suspicions of police interference in events at Mount Vesuvius in 79AD lead to a new job for AE-12, the Antique Eruption Unit.
Paul McCartney's cartography career never took off because he kept mixing up his lat-heyjude and long-heyjude.
November 15, 2025 at 10:33 PM
Paul McCartney's cartography career never took off because he kept mixing up his lat-heyjude and long-heyjude.
Dick Dastardly's dog wasn't well so he borrowed another one. It wasn't *exactly* the same, but it was a proxy Muttley.
November 15, 2025 at 9:13 PM
Dick Dastardly's dog wasn't well so he borrowed another one. It wasn't *exactly* the same, but it was a proxy Muttley.
- I was just subjected to Christmassy hold music whilst on the phone to a gum resin rental company.
- Myrrh hire query?
- No, Slade.
- Myrrh hire query?
- No, Slade.
November 15, 2025 at 8:16 PM
- I was just subjected to Christmassy hold music whilst on the phone to a gum resin rental company.
- Myrrh hire query?
- No, Slade.
- Myrrh hire query?
- No, Slade.
Reposted by Paul Eggleston
I have it on good authority that a member of the Royal Family has several nasty ulcers. But I can't say anything else about them. Four regal lesions.
November 14, 2025 at 9:30 PM
I have it on good authority that a member of the Royal Family has several nasty ulcers. But I can't say anything else about them. Four regal lesions.
I have it on good authority that a member of the Royal Family has several nasty ulcers. But I can't say anything else about them. Four regal lesions.
November 14, 2025 at 9:30 PM
I have it on good authority that a member of the Royal Family has several nasty ulcers. But I can't say anything else about them. Four regal lesions.
Reposted by Paul Eggleston
Someone has nicked almost all of the tiles from my game of Scrabble 😢
Just FYI.
Just FYI.
November 10, 2025 at 7:48 PM
Someone has nicked almost all of the tiles from my game of Scrabble 😢
Just FYI.
Just FYI.