Robert Electricity
@robertelectricity.bsky.social
360 followers 360 following 2.4K posts
I hope Howard Cosell is doing well. https://linktr.ee/wnod
Posts Media Videos Starter Packs
Pinned
robertelectricity.bsky.social
I would never put all of my eggs in one basket because I don't put eggs in baskets. I put them on the bottom shelf of my refrigerator in the containers they come in.
robertelectricity.bsky.social
If there is an afterlife, but I still have to wear glasses, I am going to be SO MAD.
robertelectricity.bsky.social
Sports? Yes, I am aware of those.
robertelectricity.bsky.social
If social media has taught me anything, it has taught me that a LOT of people struggle with spelling.
robertelectricity.bsky.social
me: I am a little jealous of couples that watch and discuss TV shows together. Maybe one day I too will have a spouse who likes doing that.
wife: 😑
robertelectricity.bsky.social
There is too much stuff to watch on TV, so I'll be going back to buying VHS tapes. If it's not in that format, I won't be watching.
robertelectricity.bsky.social
If there is an after life, I hope I can bring my Google Calendar with me. That will probably make it easy to organize ghost gatherings or whatever happens there.
robertelectricity.bsky.social
Instead of typing "ur" just punch yourself in the face several times and spare us.
robertelectricity.bsky.social
I remember when Twitter was the funniest place on the internet. But that was years ago.
robertelectricity.bsky.social
Ugh! Another three years of listening to my right wing relatives saying the nuttiest shit I've ever heard and asking exasperatedly, "What the hell are you talking about?"
robertelectricity.bsky.social
None of my ex-girlfriends were crazy. They were all very reasonable to not want to date me anymore.
robertelectricity.bsky.social
I really like the trend of self-ordering kiosks in fast food restaurants. Not because I don't want to talk to the employees, but because I like exploring menus.
robertelectricity.bsky.social
What are earwigs called when they aren't inside an ear?
robertelectricity.bsky.social
My favorite kind of horror movie death scene is the kind that makes me immediately rewind the movie.
robertelectricity.bsky.social
You know what sounds not calm at all? FIVE STEPS!
robertelectricity.bsky.social
Now that my bad cough from an upper respiratory viral infection is gone, I can go back to choking on my own saliva like a totally normal healthy person.
robertelectricity.bsky.social
The other day, I saw a lady at the grocery store pick up a carton of eggs, shake her head, and say, "I'm not paying nine dollars for eggs." Then she put the eggs back and walked away. I admire her commitment to value.
robertelectricity.bsky.social
I would rather be playing video games all day, but the monetary requirements of modern society mean I must do something called "work at a job to make money" which is such bullshit.
robertelectricity.bsky.social
It's ridiculous that we use social media, a most unserious thing, to try to do serious things.
robertelectricity.bsky.social
me: Dear, did you know that Gilbert Gottfried's wife used to help him out on his podcast? She did all sorts of behind-the-scenes stuff, and she occasionally co-hosted. Why don't you help me out on my podcast?
wife: Well, you're no Gilbert Gottfried.
robertelectricity.bsky.social
Politicians are so fucking performative. They need to calm their shit down.
robertelectricity.bsky.social
Microsoft apparently wants people to eventually use AI to run Windows instead of a mouse and keyboard. Great. That's all we need. Offices of people shouting at their Windows computers.
robertelectricity.bsky.social
Some of you have not wiped down your kitchen countertops in a long time, or ever, and it shows.
robertelectricity.bsky.social
overheard from a random lady at a grocery store: "They were having sex through a window."