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Noah is tired|non-ed DNI

@scaredangel.bsky.social

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he/it/thing ❈ OSDD OCD BPD autism ❈ ~20.1 ❈ polyam genderqueer transmasc ❈ disabled loser 26 ❈ irl NEET freak ❈ edsky drugsky obslovesky ❈ sweetheart, monster, & lovesick bug ❈ SEX REPULSED ❈ minors non-ed & fatphobes dni

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Noah is tired|non-ed DNI @scaredangel.bsky.social · 8d

🎃°♡ Welcome To My Home ♡°👻

tw edsky obslovesky drugsky

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Noah is tired|non-ed DNI @scaredangel.bsky.social · 1h

Also I liked the book a lot. I think it's actually a good novel and whatnot but fucking hell I wish people were that nice to me as a teen. I think my mom would be jumping for joy if I was lost in the woods cuz she could finally have the dead daughter she always wanted.

Noah is tired|non-ed DNI @scaredangel.bsky.social · 1h

Finding actual relatable media is so difficult because they don't show much. The closest I've gotten recently is the new S1L3nT H1LL game cuz her dad is abusive but still her family isn't even that bad and it's mainly a society thing. Idk I feel alone I just want fiction I can cling to for comfort.

Noah is tired|non-ed DNI @scaredangel.bsky.social · 1h

Also I'm hungry now but if I eat now I'm gonna have issues at night so I'm just gonna have to cope with that one. I can't wait til I can sleep on my side again.

Noah is tired|non-ed DNI @scaredangel.bsky.social · 1h

Idk I knew it would make me sad but I thought it was gonna be a found family at worst but no. Their family accepts them back. They make friends at school eventually. People find their suffering interesting and cool and they get positive attention and care from it. Oh. Oh okay.

Noah is tired|non-ed DNI @scaredangel.bsky.social · 1h

Read a book about a nonbinary teen not fitting in and running away from home and everything... And honestly it hurts more that it was a happy ending. I want that happy ending too... Fuck.

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Noah is tired|non-ed DNI @scaredangel.bsky.social · 3h

Also "dinner" was some chips and a couple cans of zero sugar soda cuz I didn't wanna push my stomach. Still ate like 1200cal today and burned off enough to be under 1000cal so I'm not complaining

Noah is tired|non-ed DNI @scaredangel.bsky.social · 4h

I hope I didn't mess anything up but yesterday I pulled my arm and the left side of my chest and it still really hurts and it's definitely internal and fuck I hope I didn't fuck something up I just hope it's very sensitive cuz I'm healing but omfg it hurts and I'm scared :(

Noah is tired|non-ed DNI @scaredangel.bsky.social · 6h

Might just be a snack for dinner instead of a meal cuz idk if I can stomach another meal man I'm so uncomfyyyy

Noah is tired|non-ed DNI @scaredangel.bsky.social · 6h

Just ate lunch and dessert and I'm too full again but it wasn't even a big meal and I went on a big walk!!!! I'm supposed to eat dinner???? In like maybe 2 hours so I can fast and not have to worry about my ostomy bag tonight but like idk if I can but I need my intake to be at least kinda okay...

Noah is tired|non-ed DNI @scaredangel.bsky.social · 8h

Thank you! I'm feeling pretty okay, chronic pain is awful but in general I'm doing good! The actual incisions and nipple grafts don't hurt very much it's mainly just my back cuz of the elastic bandage

Noah is tired|non-ed DNI @scaredangel.bsky.social · 8h

Well I couldn't order glasses cuz I don't have my disability voucher. Also apparently they don't cover as much as they used to, so I might not be able to get glasses whatsoever. Great.

Noah is tired|non-ed DNI @scaredangel.bsky.social · 10h

I'm very proud of you!!!

Noah is tired|non-ed DNI @scaredangel.bsky.social · 10h

No but like casual trashy comfort grunge vibes are also awesome I love looking like Im permanently hungover or just rolled out of bed

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Noah is tired|non-ed DNI @scaredangel.bsky.social · 11h

They're a piece a shit who invalidates eating disorders and expects attention from minors you didn't deserve that and they don't fucking deserve to have someone as wonderful as you around in the first place. I am infuriated they can go fuck themselves.

Noah is tired|non-ed DNI @scaredangel.bsky.social · 12h

I know and they did it before stripping me for surgery like brooo what??? Whatever makes them happy I guess, I know my truth

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Noah is tired|non-ed DNI @scaredangel.bsky.social · 12h

Going on a long walk today so I can get an eye exam and pick out new glasses I'm so excited to go on a walk again and also I so need new glasses

Noah is tired|non-ed DNI @scaredangel.bsky.social · 12h

The chest bones I miss themmmm!!! Also fr thighs are monsters especially the top of the thighs just holding on for dear life for that lil bit of fat left like GO AWAY!!!!!

You are still super tiny, but I totally see where you're coming from cuz when I had my gap I felt exactly the same way 🫂

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Noah is tired|non-ed DNI @scaredangel.bsky.social · 12h

Hey love that we weigh about the same right now lol! I'm sure you're all good, also fuck 2kg of clothes really messes with a head huh? My pre-op weight went up like 5lbs just cuz of the clothes alone I was like yoooo wtf

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Noah is tired|non-ed DNI @scaredangel.bsky.social · 12h

Why do I have to have a shitty headache every day??? It's driving me insane

Noah is tired|non-ed DNI @scaredangel.bsky.social · 13h

Never expected to look this small at BMI 20, but here I am

Noah is tired|non-ed DNI @scaredangel.bsky.social · 13h

tw bc

Idk how much I weigh right now, probably around 53kg, but look how flat I am!!!!

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Noah is tired|non-ed DNI @scaredangel.bsky.social · 1d

Feel like whole world is made of foggy and lies and just wanna sleep but sleep says no awake time awake awake and scared and awake

Noah is tired|non-ed DNI @scaredangel.bsky.social · 1d

Brain doesn't work but sleep won't happen. Why. Am useless without sleep. Can't be without sleep.

Noah is tired|non-ed DNI @scaredangel.bsky.social · 1d

I know I'm allowed to need sleep, but I swear I need sleep the most when I feel like I need to be awake the most. I've been awake since yesterday and yet now if I'm needed I'm too fucking tired to exist.

Also still can't sleep but also I can't do anything so fuck me I suppose.

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Noah is tired|non-ed DNI @scaredangel.bsky.social · 1d

It feels selfish having basic needs. I should be there to help, I should be pushing myself to be around and listen and comfort. I haven't slept, I can't even think anymore. It's hard to type now and conversation in person doesn't even sound like words anymore... Why do I have to have needs right now