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Selena Maranjian

@selenamaranjian.bsky.social

900 followers 1.1K following 2.5K posts

Woman worrier, over-judger, catastrophist, cautiously optimistic, order Muppet. Love books, great TV, wooden jigsaw puzzles, and modern board games. Longtime (contract) writer for The Motley Fool. Sharing some humor to help us deal with stress. She/her.

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Selena Maranjian @selenamaranjian.bsky.social · Nov 14

Like #funny things, left-leaning #politics, #photography, #maps, #books, #boardgames, #TV, mammatus #clouds, #investing, #business, #nature, #art, #miscellany, #stocks, #quotes, Oxford commas, and #quirky stuff? Follow me. #FF (If you have like-minded followers, reshare? Thanks!)

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Selena Maranjian @selenamaranjian.bsky.social · 1h

RT:

@rtraister
Instead of saying, “Do not go around lighting people on fire,” we are telling women, “Don’t be flammable.”

@rachelle_mandik
SNAKE CHARMER: My, you look beautiful today!
SNAKE: *blushing* Oh, you.

@amandajpanda
Sorry your smart car got stuck in the cart return.

#women #sorry

Selena Maranjian @selenamaranjian.bsky.social · 1h

Clever posts of yore:

@elle91
My DNA results came back and I'm 90% anxiety and 10% nachos

@commuter_haiku
Day one of my waffle cleanse

@JermHimselfish
Sorry I missed your wedding, the calligraphy on the invitation was much too intricate for me to decipher

#sorry #wedding #DNA #DNAtest #cleanse

Selena Maranjian @selenamaranjian.bsky.social · 4h

#race #galapagos

Selena Maranjian @selenamaranjian.bsky.social · 4h

#books #reading

Selena Maranjian @selenamaranjian.bsky.social · 1d

:). #chatgpt #AI #french #france

Selena Maranjian @selenamaranjian.bsky.social · 2d

:) #odyssey #literature #survivor

Old image of men on a ship. Text says: Odysseus: we now set out on our odyssey. sailor raising hand: what's an odyssey? Odysseus: a long journey named after the sole survivor. sailor: oh ok ... wait what?

Selena Maranjian @selenamaranjian.bsky.social · 2d

:) #inhaler #asthma #funny

Illustration of inhaler with mustache and clothes. Says "Vlad the Inhaler"

Selena Maranjian @selenamaranjian.bsky.social · 2d

Post of yore:

@courtneyellis
Me: *holding on by my fingernails*
My kid’s school: Next week is dress like a trapezoid day.
Me: But why—
School: Also bring six small pumpkins.
Me: Can’t we just—
School: The bake sale starts at noon.
Me: So help me, I—
School: One word. JOGATHON.

#kids #school

Selena Maranjian @selenamaranjian.bsky.social · 2d

RT:

@funnyfries
Autocorrect really overestimates how interesting I am.

@mikejamesauthor
My wife makes us put $5 in the "find jar" every time we make her find something we can't locate in the house.
After 13 months of saving, today we are buying a Ford Explorer

#saving #money #autocorrect

Selena Maranjian @selenamaranjian.bsky.social · 2d

Clever posts of yore:

@RodLacroix
People against the death penalty have never worked in an office where someone has microwaved fish.

@hippieswordfish
i accidentally bought hamburger enabler instead of hamburger helper and now my beef is drunk and yelling at the tv

#oops #deathpenalty #office

Selena Maranjian @selenamaranjian.bsky.social · 2d

Yup. #history #yikes

It's a tough time to be well-versed in history and possess strong pattern-recognition skills.

Selena Maranjian @selenamaranjian.bsky.social · 3d

RT

@man_spach
I gave my #cats some almond milk and now they're wearing horn rimmed glasses and competing in #poetry slams.

@clarkekant
Just learned more than I ever cared to know about patio furniture on http:// wickerpedia. com.

@davidmackau
thinking mr rogers is the bad guy is kinda of a tell

Selena Maranjian @selenamaranjian.bsky.social · 3d

RT:

@JohnFugelsang
Senate confirms Callista Gingrich as US ambassador to Vatican.
Next up, as director of US Muslim outreach, this bag of pork rinds.

@aparnapkin
“Actually, if you’re solving for x, you can be a part of the solution AND part of the problem.”- Someone About to Get Beat Up

Selena Maranjian @selenamaranjian.bsky.social · 3d

Clever posts of yore:

@MassageByTed
Have you dined with us before? No? Well, here at Coleslaw in a Sock we do things a little differently.

@theandrewnadeau
him: sorry I spilled my drink, I ruined your coat
first guy to wear a reversible jacket: *trying to contain excitement* actually, you didn’t

Selena Maranjian @selenamaranjian.bsky.social · 3d

Clever posts of yore:

@simoncholland
A couple sat in the booth behind me and one of them said, “you want to go ahead and talk about it now and get it over with?” I haven’t been this excited in a long time.

@wwwesty
How does a terrorist tell time?
Not on MY watch.

#relationships #letstalk

Selena Maranjian @selenamaranjian.bsky.social · 3d

Posts of yore:

@friedmanjon
I've been trying to throw away my garbage can for 7 months

@jonaspolsky
Being #passiveaggressive runs in my family. My grandmother died from clearing her throat too much

@lazerdoov
I keep an air horn in my bag in case someone puts their #kid on the #phone with me

Selena Maranjian @selenamaranjian.bsky.social · 3d

RT:

@excesstential
life as a liberal for me is so nice
6:30 AM - Wake up, Land Acknowledgment
8:00 AM - Vegan breakfast
10:00 AM - 6:00 PM - Welfare Leeching
7:00 PM - voter fraud
9:00 PM - 11:00 PM - job at weather machine (at night for secrecy)
12:00 am - 6:30 am - nesting with poly clan

Selena Maranjian @selenamaranjian.bsky.social · 3d

Haha :)
#grammar #words #single #dating

Selena Maranjian @selenamaranjian.bsky.social · 3d

:). #oops

Selena Maranjian @selenamaranjian.bsky.social · 4d

Clever posts of yore:

@lcspt
if killing with kindness actually resulted in death, i would be a much nicer person

@scottruegg
I will build my border wall,
and I will build it very tall.
If you say my hands are small,
a dozen lawyers I will call!

#kindness #border #wall

Selena Maranjian @selenamaranjian.bsky.social · 4d

Clever posts of yore:

@realHamOnWry
Sneeze the Day.
~Allergy suffers

@simoncholland
Let’s get married & have kids so instead of trying a pumpkin beer you can stop the crying while I go back into the corn maze to find the shoe

@Discoze
How much does a hipster weigh? An Instagram.

#allergy #funny

Selena Maranjian @selenamaranjian.bsky.social · 4d

Clever posts of yore:

@AbbyHasIssues
There are people my age running billion dollar corporations and I literally just bribed myself with chocolate to put the clean laundry away.

@ftlamoxii
My mom told me she still talks to my ex bc I still talk to hers... ma'am that's my DAD

#funny #success

Selena Maranjian @selenamaranjian.bsky.social · 4d

RT:

@koreydior_
I hope this email doesn't find you. I hope you've escaped, that you're free.

@koreydior_
Someone needs to get all the Megans, Meagans, and Meghans, in a room and finally figure this mess out.

@thatmatilda
Making a password in 2000: catlover
Making a password in 2024: catlover1!

Selena Maranjian @selenamaranjian.bsky.social · 4d

:) #halloween #pumpkin #jackolantern

Says best pumpkin ever. Image of Wile E Coyote splattered is cut into the pumpkin

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Selena Maranjian @selenamaranjian.bsky.social · 4d

Perfect. #edit #hilarious