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shadrad 🪐 still got that Space Trauma

@shadrad.bsky.social

630 followers 220 following 2.1K posts

Artist/Illustrator (hiatus). Previous work: DE/Warframe, Fiction Factory, Evil Hat. Long-COVID disabled. She/They https://linktr.ee/shadrad https://sarahjoelleholstein.com

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shadrad 🪐 still got that Space Trauma @shadrad.bsky.social · Jan 1

Back on this vibe for 2025, although without my best friend by my side. Miss you every day, Spooky.

Reposted by shadrad 🪐 still got that Space Trauma

Chiitan🌈ちぃたん☆ @chiitan.love · 12h

If you can't come out right now, please don't hate yourself.
One day, the meaning of labels will disappear.

Please love yourself as you are.
The one who can cherish yourself the most is yourself.
Because that is your strength and beauty.
Chiitan loves you

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shadrad 🪐 still got that Space Trauma @shadrad.bsky.social · 12h

Anyway I'm not a good role model as an artist. I suggest following more closely people who share the joy in their art and why it's something everyone can find some relation to in a craft or hobby. I want everyone to create, I'm just too tired to be good PR.

shadrad 🪐 still got that Space Trauma @shadrad.bsky.social · 13h

But it seems inevitable.

I'm tired of having to prove my worth, even to myself. I wish all I had to do was just rise to the challenge of creative performance. But fuck, the challenge of surviving is taking me out, and being sick eats up most of my creative time, so idk man. I'll die before I AI.

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shadrad 🪐 still got that Space Trauma @shadrad.bsky.social · 13h

My therapist practically *begs* me to find some kind of satisfaction or pride in my accomplishments, but I can't see the point when I'm still constantly treading water trying to survive.

Half the work is trying to keep the masks up so I don't keep losing chunks of my life to social fallout.

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shadrad 🪐 still got that Space Trauma @shadrad.bsky.social · 13h

I can't rest on my laurels, I have something to prove (to myself), and I live in constant flux between 'fear of not being capable enough (failure)' and 'actually fuck all y'all I don't care (isolation)'.

I haven't found another way of living that isn't just semi-functional depression.

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shadrad 🪐 still got that Space Trauma @shadrad.bsky.social · 13h

I also am someone always hungry for improvement and overwhelmingly self-critical. Standard AuDHD experience when you're a PROBLEM so every success is a baseline of 'passing' and quickly discarded while I look for other flaws to fix.

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shadrad 🪐 still got that Space Trauma @shadrad.bsky.social · 13h

I try not to be negative about my actual art-- my art, when it's in the realm of my expected standards, is good. My negativity is usually blowing off steam and being real about how challenging it is, because it can feel very lonely at times when you've hit a block. Comraderie in the struggle helps.

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shadrad 🪐 still got that Space Trauma @shadrad.bsky.social · 13h

Good thread

chira 🎋 @artofchira.bsky.social · 1d

in a session with my therapist, she was commenting how she can't draw a stick figure -- then recalled a time when she could envision exactly what she wanted and it came out easily on the canvas. and she had no idea how she did it.

I was like, yeah, the flow state. you know, like athletes and gamers

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shadrad 🪐 still got that Space Trauma @shadrad.bsky.social · 13h

I feel a similar state with acting, with singing, with dancing, whatever it is-- every opportunity is a chance to refine, or try something a little different, or take a risk, or just follow your instinct. Whichever you choose, the act of *doing it* in the sustained moment, is living.

shadrad 🪐 still got that Space Trauma @shadrad.bsky.social · 13h

A lot of the time I'm actively feeling challenged, but I also feel like I am *meeting the challenge*, which is a thing I thrive off of apparently.

The tactile part is also part of the challenge-- and why I love painting in physical media. It's technical performance. I have to trust my capability.

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shadrad 🪐 still got that Space Trauma @shadrad.bsky.social · 13h

Flow state for me isn't even being 'successful' at the endeavor, or dopamine at solving a visual problem. It's just... the movements, the tactile feedback, the focus, where everything else falls away and it's just me and my work and nothing else

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Reposted by shadrad 🪐 still got that Space Trauma

Lauren Walsh @laurenwalshart.bsky.social · 1d

Man… way to sour my day. Someone sent me an ai generated version of this commission.

1. You didn’t get my consent to do that or the commissioners
2. Get fucked
3. Fuck you
4. You are a piece of shit
5. You are blocked
6. You suck

Lauren Walsh @laurenwalshart.bsky.social · 1d

Meet Harriette Flittertail, a Harengon Druid.

A commission for @howlinggnome.bsky.social ‘s wife!

[ #art #dnd #ttrpg ]

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Reposted by shadrad 🪐 still got that Space Trauma

Emily L'Orange 🦆🍊 @emilylorange.bsky.social · 1d

This is an act of kindness but you need to understand that if this is you, telling people about it a week after the fact is likely to put those people right back into danger, and yourself.

You may never be able to safely tell anyone. For decades, if ever.

Sophie Sherry @sophiesherry.bsky.social · 1d

During a military-style raid on a building in Chicago’s South Shore, one resident heard a knock on his door.   It wasn’t the feds — it was a mom and her 7-year-old daughter, pleading for help.

He let them hide in his unit for the next 3 days.

chicago.suntimes.com/immigration/...

Neighbor shielded 7-year-old during South Shore federal raid: ‘I didn’t want them to take her’

During the Sept. 30 raid one tenant protected a terrified girl and her mom. Remnants at the complex, including a detailed map of all the units, offer clues to what authorities may have known before th...

chicago.suntimes.com

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shadrad 🪐 still got that Space Trauma @shadrad.bsky.social · 1d

In the 'recovery feels like shit' part of everything.

Reposted by shadrad 🪐 still got that Space Trauma

QuoProQuid @quoproquid.bsky.social · 2d

what do you even say. what do you even say.

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Reposted by shadrad 🪐 still got that Space Trauma

The Ghost Of Cohost. CoGhost. Gohosohssosost @ceresultra.bsky.social · 2d

How do I explain to offline people that my favorite Japanese mascot said "we can only be liberated from queer oppression if we are truly seen as human" and then started wielding fireworks like a rocket launcher on the side of a mountain without sounding like I've totally lost it?

Chiitan forever

Chiitan🌈ちぃたん☆ @chiitan.love · 2d

Chiitan has a dream.
I hope that one day the term LGBT will become a thing of the past.
I will continue to spread my message until we live in a world where everyone can love freely and is free from persecution and discrimination.
Until then, let's all support each other🤍

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shadrad 🪐 still got that Space Trauma @shadrad.bsky.social · 1d

It kinda does tho except in a genuinely horrifying way

Reposted by shadrad 🪐 still got that Space Trauma

Jonathan Cohn @jonathancohn.bsky.social · 3d

Trump has been illegally bombing boats off the coast of Venezuela.

Tim Kaine and Adam Schiff forced a vote on reasserting Congress's role over war powers and ending this reckless
warmongering.

It failed 48-51.

Murkowski and Paul voted yes.

Fetterman voted no.

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Reposted by shadrad 🪐 still got that Space Trauma

Kelly @broadwaybabyto.bsky.social · 3d

People think that when you become disabled, support magically appears

That once it’s “official” you will have your basic needs met

The truth is people fight for years to get the bare minimum in benefits

Caregivers are nearly impossible to find

If you’re not rich or very lucky… you’re on your own

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shadrad 🪐 still got that Space Trauma @shadrad.bsky.social · 3d

Fever broke, cardiac issues subsiding, feel like shit but mostly conscious

shadrad 🪐 still got that Space Trauma @shadrad.bsky.social · 3d

Sick with Mystery Communicable Disease.

Thanks for not masking. Fucking assholes.

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Reposted by shadrad 🪐 still got that Space Trauma

Grudgie the Whale @grudgie.bsky.social · 4d

It should be very very clear to everyone right now that the Attorney General was asked under oath if she possesses pics of the President with undressed teens and she refused to say “no.”

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Reposted by shadrad 🪐 still got that Space Trauma

Rudy wants revolution. @rude1.blacksky.team · 4d

I hear and see your concerns. Over the weekend, a couple users hosted on Blacksky's PDS were banned from the Bluesky app and thus the Bluesky API servers. This was a weakness of our system I've been aware of and hoped we had more time to address before any kind of public incident. 1/11

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shadrad 🪐 still got that Space Trauma @shadrad.bsky.social · 3d

🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠

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Casey Explosion @caseyexplosion.bsky.social · 4d

"Fascism should more appropriately be called Corporatism because it is a merger of state and corporate power." - Benito Mussolini

flipinidaho @flipinidaho.bsky.social · 4d

southsideweekly.com/federal-agen...

The building is in a 27 million dollar foreclosure filed by Wells Fargo. The next day, Wells Fargo filed an emergency motion for receivership. The fascist regime kindly emptied the building for donor Wells Fargo.

Federal Agents Storm South Shore Building, Detaining Families and Children

Families were woken by flashbangs and helicopters as hundreds of federal agents raided their homes. Days later, neighbors are still searching for the missing.

southsideweekly.com

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