obviously it isn't everyone and i also am a strong believer in not demonizing people based on internalized beliefs that they should be given the opportunity to inspect and reflect upon but like. This makes being in those spaces highly unpleasant for me lol
I have felt this in spaces where everyone is referring to dnd races as "kinds" or whatever because they're uncomfortable using the word race but are completely fine with implying that all asian people carry some sort of problematic taint
While i'm reminiscing about this i also want to mention it's offputting to me how white dnd nerds often feel more concerned about fantasy racism or whatever as opposed to actual racism
thinking fondly back on when i was 12 and my friend group was all older white nerds i dont think i even need to describe how bad that was for my self image in retrospect
I have made my own space that i enjoy and i'm quite happy not interacting with anyone who would disrespect me but idk. I am someone who would have liked all that nerd stuff but the association with bad experiences is too strong sometimes
a certain amount of white nerds enjoy insanely shitting on anything that isn't their flavor of nerd so like anime stuff earns their disrespect but also broadly just like... asian people? The things i have seen and dealt with man i truly feel sometimes there is no place for me in that space
A part of me dislikes engaging with what i can only crudely describe as white nerd hobbies because of how many times white nerds have been racist to me in my life lol like now i've just formed a fucking association or something and can't enjoy it as much as i could have. That sucks ass
i'm not trying to be judgmental here just being like oh.... i truly cannot relate to this experience. I dont think i would have enjoyed that because of a fundamental unchangeable part of who i am. And that makes me sad
I enjoy listening to brenan lee mulligan podcasts where he talks about larp camp but this particular episode is about how inclusive the nerd hobby is and i just cannot stop thinking about how many racist microaggressions would happen to me had i attended a nerd larp camp as a child lol
I like that they gave the fire lizards a visual effect for when they have fire spikes on and you cant touch them because it makes those moments where we're all standing around staring at a lizard on fire extremely funny
divination wizard is so cool i really love watching this one player be like "i cast blah blah and that creature gets a ONE on their save because i rolled a one this morning"
at one point the two tank catgirls who joined in together started embarrassing e-flirting in front of the whole party and everyone in the gc was like *dead silence*
