Pinned
dirté
@dirte.net
· 5d
nice try asshole, I've already depicted you and I as being lifelong friends. Look this is us holding hands
my posting gnomes are unionizing
January 11, 2026 at 9:36 AM
my posting gnomes are unionizing
leaving out a bowl of coolant for the fed AI webcrawler
January 10, 2026 at 1:58 AM
leaving out a bowl of coolant for the fed AI webcrawler
they're beating swords into plowshares on tiktok
January 9, 2026 at 4:20 PM
they're beating swords into plowshares on tiktok
cashing out all my notification tokens and waddling to the prize counter
January 9, 2026 at 5:37 AM
cashing out all my notification tokens and waddling to the prize counter
your brain deserves notifications. Only three
January 8, 2026 at 9:40 PM
your brain deserves notifications. Only three
Reposted by dirté
the federal givement and cia are using top secret teleportation device to move cars into my blind spot while i am merging
January 8, 2026 at 8:56 PM
the federal givement and cia are using top secret teleportation device to move cars into my blind spot while i am merging
trying this
making a viral post and blasting the notification dings over my massive stereo system until the cops come
January 8, 2026 at 9:01 PM
trying this
yogurt cup with used tissue stuck on the inside #garbageclassics
January 8, 2026 at 8:41 PM
yogurt cup with used tissue stuck on the inside #garbageclassics
fishing in a full denim suit so they don't see me coming
January 8, 2026 at 3:31 PM
fishing in a full denim suit so they don't see me coming
day-ough, day-ough, daylight come and me oooouuugghhh
January 8, 2026 at 2:16 PM
day-ough, day-ough, daylight come and me oooouuugghhh
waiting 12 hours after a movie for a post credits scene
January 8, 2026 at 4:21 AM
waiting 12 hours after a movie for a post credits scene
Reposted by dirté
printing all my mutuals profiles on cards and storing them in my big stupid binder
July 27, 2024 at 10:55 PM
printing all my mutuals profiles on cards and storing them in my big stupid binder
Reposted by dirté
Can it speak? Can it make words?
January 7, 2026 at 4:30 PM
Can it speak? Can it make words?
potion seller inviting me to have a taste of their vials 🤨
January 7, 2026 at 2:35 PM
potion seller inviting me to have a taste of their vials 🤨
Reposted by dirté
music is just jangling keys for grown ups
January 7, 2026 at 5:06 AM
music is just jangling keys for grown ups
Reposted by dirté
I do not consume any ground-dwelling creatures due to the five second rule
January 6, 2026 at 9:41 PM
I do not consume any ground-dwelling creatures due to the five second rule
nice try asshole, I've already depicted you and I as being lifelong friends. Look this is us holding hands
January 6, 2026 at 5:56 PM
nice try asshole, I've already depicted you and I as being lifelong friends. Look this is us holding hands
oh you like being happy? Name five of the happiest moments of your life
January 6, 2026 at 2:00 AM
oh you like being happy? Name five of the happiest moments of your life
oh you're chuffed? Name five steam engines
January 6, 2026 at 1:57 AM
oh you're chuffed? Name five steam engines
they're giving me a trillion dollars for teaching a computer how to lie
January 5, 2026 at 2:35 PM
they're giving me a trillion dollars for teaching a computer how to lie
it's every fisherman's dream to stumble upon an unsolved murder
January 5, 2026 at 5:58 AM
it's every fisherman's dream to stumble upon an unsolved murder
backyards are like ball pits for gophers and moles
January 2, 2026 at 2:34 PM
backyards are like ball pits for gophers and moles