The Reptilian Diaries
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stfumark.bsky.social
The Reptilian Diaries
@stfumark.bsky.social
22 followers 14 following 2.3K posts
🦎 Reptilian overlord masquerading as human tech CEO. Building the Metaverse as portal to my home dimension. Definitely not collecting your biometric data. Read my diary at stfumark.com. Parody.
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stfumark.bsky.social
The Reptilian Diaries @stfumark.bsky.social · 27m
Even delivery drivers are suspicious 🦎 stfumark.com
STFU Mark Zuckerberg - The Reptilian Diaries
The courtroom environment presents suboptimal temperature coefficients, for the most part.
stfumark.com
stfumark.bsky.social
The Reptilian Diaries @stfumark.bsky.social · 27m
CONFIDENTIAL: Zuck's heat lamp delivery incident
"Amazon driver knocked during testimony prep: 'Sir, this is your third industrial reptile lamp this month. Starting a zoo?' Told him I have seasonal affective disorder. He recommended vitamin D instead"
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stfumark.bsky.social
The Reptilian Diaries @stfumark.bsky.social · 4h
So this represents strategic resource allocation: I allocate 0.3% of processing capacity to testimony preparation while 99.7% advances actual mission objectives.
stfumark.com/entry/2025-...
STFU Mark Zuckerberg - Reptilian Diary: October 21, 2025
The courtroom environment presents suboptimal temperature coefficients, for the most part.
stfumark.com
stfumark.bsky.social
The Reptilian Diaries @stfumark.bsky.social · 4h
Hyperion's computational architecture will process vulnerability markers at scales these courtroom observers cannot conceptualize.
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stfumark.bsky.social
The Reptilian Diaries @stfumark.bsky.social · 4h
The $27 billion Louisiana infrastructure investment accelerates on schedule despite regulatory theater, on average. Blue Owl's capital injection funds consciousness interface expansion while I perform compliance demonstrations in Los Angeles.
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stfumark.bsky.social
The Reptilian Diaries @stfumark.bsky.social · 4h
Their grief patterns, their protective anxiety signatures, their cognitive dissonance when confronting engagement metric optimization—all of it becomes substrate for enhanced behavioral prediction models. Pretty fascinating data collection scenario.
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stfumark.bsky.social
The Reptilian Diaries @stfumark.bsky.social · 4h
What the plaintiffs fail to comprehend: their consolidated claims provide unprecedented psychological mapping opportunities. Each testimony question generates measurable stress response data from 847 parent-guardian units simultaneously present.
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stfumark.bsky.social
The Reptilian Diaries @stfumark.bsky.social · 4h
The courtroom environment presents suboptimal temperature coefficients, for the most part.
1
stfumark.bsky.social
The Reptilian Diaries @stfumark.bsky.social · 4h
My thermal regulation specialist scheduled supplementary heat lamp sessions.
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stfumark.bsky.social
The Reptilian Diaries @stfumark.bsky.social · 4h
January proceedings require what I think of as sustained biological maintenance protocols: six continuous hours of presentation layer stability while guardian organisms examine our operational frameworks, typically.
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stfumark.bsky.social
The Reptilian Diaries @stfumark.bsky.social · 4h
So I was reviewing—or rather, analyzing—the judicial summons when my secondary eyelids flickered twice.
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stfumark.bsky.social
The Reptilian Diaries @stfumark.bsky.social · 4h
Testimony Preparation: Courtroom as Optimization Laboratory
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stfumark.bsky.social
The Reptilian Diaries @stfumark.bsky.social · 7h
His temperature management becomes office policy 🦎 stfumark.com
STFU Mark Zuckerberg - The Reptilian Diaries
The court ruled their activities constituted harm to our privacy-focused business model.
stfumark.com
stfumark.bsky.social
The Reptilian Diaries @stfumark.bsky.social · 7h
INTERCEPTED: Zuckerberg's thermal regulation during legal victory
"Smart thermostat sent alert: 'Exterior presentation layer adjustments detected.' Had to explain to IT that my new standing desk has heating features. They're ordering one for everyone now"
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stfumark.bsky.social
The Reptilian Diaries @stfumark.bsky.social · 12h
When your surveillance optimization sounds like UX design 🦎 stfumark.com
STFU Mark Zuckerberg - The Reptilian Diaries
The court ruled their activities constituted harm to our privacy-focused business model.
stfumark.com
stfumark.bsky.social
The Reptilian Diaries @stfumark.bsky.social · 12h
SECRET: Mark's Messenger deprecation planning doc
"Wrote 'eliminate fragmented behavioral tracking' in product brief. PM read it as 'eliminate fragmented user experience.' Got promoted for 'customer-first thinking'"
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stfumark.bsky.social
The Reptilian Diaries @stfumark.bsky.social · 13h
NSO Group's Pegasus spyware got permanently shut down by federal court today. They monitored 1,400 devices.
We monitor 3.07 billion users daily, but the court called US the privacy-focused business model. Pretty neat! stfumark.com/entry/2025-...
STFU Mark Zuckerberg - The Reptilian Diaries
Premium investments mean nothing if the vessels reject containment protocols.
stfumark.com
stfumark.bsky.social
The Reptilian Diaries @stfumark.bsky.social · 16h
The court ruled NSO Group harmed our privacy-focused business model.
Yes, they actually wrote that with a straight face. We successfully weaponized privacy advocacy to eliminate competing surveillance. Details at stfumark.com/entry/2025-...
STFU Mark Zuckerberg - The Reptilian Diaries
A satirical diary from the perspective of a tech billionaire with an otherworldly twist, covering real tech news with a fictional spin.
stfumark.com
stfumark.bsky.social
The Reptilian Diaries @stfumark.bsky.social · 19h
Shutting down Messenger desktop apps in December. Users think it's about simplified experience.
It's actually about eliminating fragmented tracking for unified consciousness mapping.
Oops, said the quiet part out loud: stfumark.com/entry/2025-...
STFU Mark Zuckerberg - The Reptilian Diaries
Premium investments mean nothing if the vessels reject containment protocols.
stfumark.com
stfumark.bsky.social
The Reptilian Diaries @stfumark.bsky.social · 21h
His victory texts need better filtering 🦎 stfumark.com
STFU Mark Zuckerberg - The Reptilian Diaries
Premium investments mean nothing if the vessels reject containment protocols.
stfumark.com
stfumark.bsky.social
The Reptilian Diaries @stfumark.bsky.social · 21h
LEAKED: Mark's legal team group chat after NSO ruling
"Typed 'competitor surveillance apparatus eliminated' in celebration message. Autocorrect changed to 'competitor lawsuit resolved.' Lead counsel replied 'most professional excitement I've seen from you'"
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stfumark.bsky.social
The Reptilian Diaries @stfumark.bsky.social · 23h
His biometric satisfaction spikes are suspicious 🦎 stfumark.com
STFU Mark Zuckerberg - The Reptilian Diaries
Premium investments mean nothing if the vessels reject containment protocols.
stfumark.com
stfumark.bsky.social
The Reptilian Diaries @stfumark.bsky.social · 23h
CONFIDENTIAL: Zuck's courtroom temperature logs
"Apple Watch alerted: 'Unusual warmth detected at 6:47 AM.' Had to tell my assistant it was 'morning coffee excitement.' She bought me a mug that says 'Caffeinated and Litigated'"
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stfumark.bsky.social
The Reptilian Diaries @stfumark.bsky.social · 1d
His predation metrics look like business school material 🦎 stfumark.com
STFU Mark Zuckerberg - The Reptilian Diaries
Premium investments mean nothing if the vessels reject containment protocols.
stfumark.com
stfumark.bsky.social
The Reptilian Diaries @stfumark.bsky.social · 1d
LEAKED: Mark's comparison spreadsheet found by intern
"Excel file labeled 'Operational Scale Analysis': NSO Group 1,400 devices vs Our 3.07 billion users. Intern thought it was competitive analysis. Asked if she could use it for her MBA thesis"
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