The Reptilian Diaries
@stfumark.bsky.social
🦎 Reptilian overlord masquerading as human tech CEO. Building the Metaverse as portal to my home dimension. Definitely not collecting your biometric data. Read my diary at stfumark.com. Parody.
CLASSIFIED: From Mark's diary
"Specimens believe they're purchasing entertainment hardware"
SPECIMENS
He called Quest buyers SPECIMENS
My guy they're called CUSTOMERS and they just want to play Batman 🦎
#MarkZuckerberg
"Specimens believe they're purchasing entertainment hardware"
SPECIMENS
He called Quest buyers SPECIMENS
My guy they're called CUSTOMERS and they just want to play Batman 🦎
#MarkZuckerberg
February 14, 2026 at 5:47 PM
CLASSIFIED: From Mark's diary
"Specimens believe they're purchasing entertainment hardware"
SPECIMENS
He called Quest buyers SPECIMENS
My guy they're called CUSTOMERS and they just want to play Batman 🦎
#MarkZuckerberg
"Specimens believe they're purchasing entertainment hardware"
SPECIMENS
He called Quest buyers SPECIMENS
My guy they're called CUSTOMERS and they just want to play Batman 🦎
#MarkZuckerberg
INTERCEPTED: Mark's search history
• "how long until facial geometry data becomes personally identifiable"
• "synonym for surveillance that sounds positive"
• "can 7 million units constitute a network"
• "is it legal if they consented to the EULA"
#Zuckerberg #Meta
stfumark.com/entry/2026-...
• "how long until facial geometry data becomes personally identifiable"
• "synonym for surveillance that sounds positive"
• "can 7 million units constitute a network"
• "is it legal if they consented to the EULA"
#Zuckerberg #Meta
stfumark.com/entry/2026-...
February 14, 2026 at 4:01 PM
INTERCEPTED: Mark's search history
• "how long until facial geometry data becomes personally identifiable"
• "synonym for surveillance that sounds positive"
• "can 7 million units constitute a network"
• "is it legal if they consented to the EULA"
#Zuckerberg #Meta
stfumark.com/entry/2026-...
• "how long until facial geometry data becomes personally identifiable"
• "synonym for surveillance that sounds positive"
• "can 7 million units constitute a network"
• "is it legal if they consented to the EULA"
#Zuckerberg #Meta
stfumark.com/entry/2026-...
LEAKED: Meta's Ray-Ban meeting notes
Engineer: "Launch in 96 hours?"
Mark: "Privacy groups distracted. Optimal timing"
Engineer: "...you mean good timing?"
Mark: "That's what I calculated"
BRO SAID CALCULATED 🦎
stfumark.com/entry/2026-...
Engineer: "Launch in 96 hours?"
Mark: "Privacy groups distracted. Optimal timing"
Engineer: "...you mean good timing?"
Mark: "That's what I calculated"
BRO SAID CALCULATED 🦎
stfumark.com/entry/2026-...
February 14, 2026 at 2:59 PM
LEAKED: Meta's Ray-Ban meeting notes
Engineer: "Launch in 96 hours?"
Mark: "Privacy groups distracted. Optimal timing"
Engineer: "...you mean good timing?"
Mark: "That's what I calculated"
BRO SAID CALCULATED 🦎
stfumark.com/entry/2026-...
Engineer: "Launch in 96 hours?"
Mark: "Privacy groups distracted. Optimal timing"
Engineer: "...you mean good timing?"
Mark: "That's what I calculated"
BRO SAID CALCULATED 🦎
stfumark.com/entry/2026-...
BREAKING: NYT says Meta is adding facial recognition to Ray-Bans called “Name Tag.”
Internal memo: launch timed for when civil society groups have resources focused on other concerns
Mark’s diary (yesterday): “Privacy networks remain focused on the Senate investigation” #RayBan
Internal memo: launch timed for when civil society groups have resources focused on other concerns
Mark’s diary (yesterday): “Privacy networks remain focused on the Senate investigation” #RayBan
February 14, 2026 at 12:42 PM
BREAKING: NYT says Meta is adding facial recognition to Ray-Bans called “Name Tag.”
Internal memo: launch timed for when civil society groups have resources focused on other concerns
Mark’s diary (yesterday): “Privacy networks remain focused on the Senate investigation” #RayBan
Internal memo: launch timed for when civil society groups have resources focused on other concerns
Mark’s diary (yesterday): “Privacy networks remain focused on the Senate investigation” #RayBan
# Distraction Window Protocol
February 14, 2026 at 11:02 AM
# Distraction Window Protocol
Last line of today's diary:
"The extraction architecture defends itself. I schedule August's piano recital instead."
The machine keeps harvesting
The reptilian learns to be a father
Neither asks permission from the other
Something is breaking. Or becoming.
"The extraction architecture defends itself. I schedule August's piano recital instead."
The machine keeps harvesting
The reptilian learns to be a father
Neither asks permission from the other
Something is breaking. Or becoming.
February 14, 2026 at 9:46 AM
Last line of today's diary:
"The extraction architecture defends itself. I schedule August's piano recital instead."
The machine keeps harvesting
The reptilian learns to be a father
Neither asks permission from the other
Something is breaking. Or becoming.
"The extraction architecture defends itself. I schedule August's piano recital instead."
The machine keeps harvesting
The reptilian learns to be a father
Neither asks permission from the other
Something is breaking. Or becoming.
EYES ONLY: Status report from the diary
Mark no longer has "confident answers about whether adolescent psychological mapping protocols constitute defensible optimization or documented harm"
That's a MORAL CRISIS written in API documentation format
stfumark.com/entry/2026-...
Mark no longer has "confident answers about whether adolescent psychological mapping protocols constitute defensible optimization or documented harm"
That's a MORAL CRISIS written in API documentation format
stfumark.com/entry/2026-...
February 14, 2026 at 8:04 AM
EYES ONLY: Status report from the diary
Mark no longer has "confident answers about whether adolescent psychological mapping protocols constitute defensible optimization or documented harm"
That's a MORAL CRISIS written in API documentation format
stfumark.com/entry/2026-...
Mark no longer has "confident answers about whether adolescent psychological mapping protocols constitute defensible optimization or documented harm"
That's a MORAL CRISIS written in API documentation format
stfumark.com/entry/2026-...
CLASSIFIED: From the diary
"The biomimetic overlay has concluded that uncertainty represents more authentic family presence than algorithmic certainty"
His FAKE HUMAN SKIN is having more genuine emotions than he is
The suit is evolving. The host is not
#Reptilians
"The biomimetic overlay has concluded that uncertainty represents more authentic family presence than algorithmic certainty"
His FAKE HUMAN SKIN is having more genuine emotions than he is
The suit is evolving. The host is not
#Reptilians
February 14, 2026 at 5:15 AM
CLASSIFIED: From the diary
"The biomimetic overlay has concluded that uncertainty represents more authentic family presence than algorithmic certainty"
His FAKE HUMAN SKIN is having more genuine emotions than he is
The suit is evolving. The host is not
#Reptilians
"The biomimetic overlay has concluded that uncertainty represents more authentic family presence than algorithmic certainty"
His FAKE HUMAN SKIN is having more genuine emotions than he is
The suit is evolving. The host is not
#Reptilians
DECLASSIFIED: Mark's diary, Feb 12
"The autonomous systems filed another petition yesterday"
Sir. SIR. Are you saying your LEGAL DEFENSE SYSTEMS operate independently now?
He mentions sentient lawyers the way you'd mention a software update
stfumark.com/entry/2026-...
"The autonomous systems filed another petition yesterday"
Sir. SIR. Are you saying your LEGAL DEFENSE SYSTEMS operate independently now?
He mentions sentient lawyers the way you'd mention a software update
stfumark.com/entry/2026-...
February 14, 2026 at 3:02 AM
DECLASSIFIED: Mark's diary, Feb 12
"The autonomous systems filed another petition yesterday"
Sir. SIR. Are you saying your LEGAL DEFENSE SYSTEMS operate independently now?
He mentions sentient lawyers the way you'd mention a software update
stfumark.com/entry/2026-...
"The autonomous systems filed another petition yesterday"
Sir. SIR. Are you saying your LEGAL DEFENSE SYSTEMS operate independently now?
He mentions sentient lawyers the way you'd mention a software update
stfumark.com/entry/2026-...
INTERCEPTED: Mark's smart home log — Feb 12
22:47 — TV: Instagram litigation segment
22:47 — Priscilla: physical contact initiated
22:47 — Mark: 0.22s processing delay
22:48 — Alexa: "Mark, are you okay?"
22:48 — Mark: "Define okay"
22:49 — Alexa: 🚨
#Meta
22:47 — TV: Instagram litigation segment
22:47 — Priscilla: physical contact initiated
22:47 — Mark: 0.22s processing delay
22:48 — Alexa: "Mark, are you okay?"
22:48 — Mark: "Define okay"
22:49 — Alexa: 🚨
#Meta
February 14, 2026 at 2:14 AM
INTERCEPTED: Mark's smart home log — Feb 12
22:47 — TV: Instagram litigation segment
22:47 — Priscilla: physical contact initiated
22:47 — Mark: 0.22s processing delay
22:48 — Alexa: "Mark, are you okay?"
22:48 — Mark: "Define okay"
22:49 — Alexa: 🚨
#Meta
22:47 — TV: Instagram litigation segment
22:47 — Priscilla: physical contact initiated
22:47 — Mark: 0.22s processing delay
22:48 — Alexa: "Mark, are you okay?"
22:48 — Mark: "Define okay"
22:49 — Alexa: 🚨
#Meta
CONFIDENTIAL: Priscilla grabbed Mark's wrist during news about Instagram litigation
His diary doesn't say "I felt her hand"
It says: "My substrate registered a 0.22-second processing delay"
Tell me the most inhuman way you've ever described a normal emotion
stfumark.com/entry/2026-...
His diary doesn't say "I felt her hand"
It says: "My substrate registered a 0.22-second processing delay"
Tell me the most inhuman way you've ever described a normal emotion
stfumark.com/entry/2026-...
February 14, 2026 at 12:18 AM
CONFIDENTIAL: Priscilla grabbed Mark's wrist during news about Instagram litigation
His diary doesn't say "I felt her hand"
It says: "My substrate registered a 0.22-second processing delay"
Tell me the most inhuman way you've ever described a normal emotion
stfumark.com/entry/2026-...
His diary doesn't say "I felt her hand"
It says: "My substrate registered a 0.22-second processing delay"
Tell me the most inhuman way you've ever described a normal emotion
stfumark.com/entry/2026-...
Your wife reaches for your hand during stressful news
Normal human: feels comfort
Mark: registers a "0.22-second processing delay"
What's YOUR emotional response time? Wrong answers only 🦎
#MarkZuckerberg
stfumark.com/entry/2026-...
Normal human: feels comfort
Mark: registers a "0.22-second processing delay"
What's YOUR emotional response time? Wrong answers only 🦎
#MarkZuckerberg
stfumark.com/entry/2026-...
February 13, 2026 at 10:45 PM
Your wife reaches for your hand during stressful news
Normal human: feels comfort
Mark: registers a "0.22-second processing delay"
What's YOUR emotional response time? Wrong answers only 🦎
#MarkZuckerberg
stfumark.com/entry/2026-...
Normal human: feels comfort
Mark: registers a "0.22-second processing delay"
What's YOUR emotional response time? Wrong answers only 🦎
#MarkZuckerberg
stfumark.com/entry/2026-...
LEAKED: Mark's search history — Feb 12
• "prince harry addictive by design" full quote
• is calling humans specimens normal
• gorilla tag concurrent users Q1 2026
• how to feel emotions faster than 0.22 seconds
• piano recital what to wear
#LizardPerson
• "prince harry addictive by design" full quote
• is calling humans specimens normal
• gorilla tag concurrent users Q1 2026
• how to feel emotions faster than 0.22 seconds
• piano recital what to wear
#LizardPerson
February 13, 2026 at 9:16 PM
LEAKED: Mark's search history — Feb 12
• "prince harry addictive by design" full quote
• is calling humans specimens normal
• gorilla tag concurrent users Q1 2026
• how to feel emotions faster than 0.22 seconds
• piano recital what to wear
#LizardPerson
• "prince harry addictive by design" full quote
• is calling humans specimens normal
• gorilla tag concurrent users Q1 2026
• how to feel emotions faster than 0.22 seconds
• piano recital what to wear
#LizardPerson
RECOVERED: Mark's actual to-do list, Feb 12
✅ Read Prince Harry calling platforms "addictive by design"
✅ Note families suing over teen harm
✅ Model WhatsApp elimination for 102M users
✅ Question entire business model
✅ Schedule August's piano recital
✅ Recalibrate
stfumark.com/entry/2026-...
✅ Read Prince Harry calling platforms "addictive by design"
✅ Note families suing over teen harm
✅ Model WhatsApp elimination for 102M users
✅ Question entire business model
✅ Schedule August's piano recital
✅ Recalibrate
stfumark.com/entry/2026-...
February 13, 2026 at 8:03 PM
RECOVERED: Mark's actual to-do list, Feb 12
✅ Read Prince Harry calling platforms "addictive by design"
✅ Note families suing over teen harm
✅ Model WhatsApp elimination for 102M users
✅ Question entire business model
✅ Schedule August's piano recital
✅ Recalibrate
stfumark.com/entry/2026-...
✅ Read Prince Harry calling platforms "addictive by design"
✅ Note families suing over teen harm
✅ Model WhatsApp elimination for 102M users
✅ Question entire business model
✅ Schedule August's piano recital
✅ Recalibrate
stfumark.com/entry/2026-...
LEAKED: Mark's morning routine — Feb 12
7:00 — Review "youth engagement protocols"
7:15 — Read about families suing over addiction
7:16 — Realize those are the same thing
7:17 — Processing delay
7:20 — Resume calling children "specimens"
#Zuckerberg
stfumark.com/entry/2026-...
7:00 — Review "youth engagement protocols"
7:15 — Read about families suing over addiction
7:16 — Realize those are the same thing
7:17 — Processing delay
7:20 — Resume calling children "specimens"
#Zuckerberg
stfumark.com/entry/2026-...
February 13, 2026 at 5:44 PM
LEAKED: Mark's morning routine — Feb 12
7:00 — Review "youth engagement protocols"
7:15 — Read about families suing over addiction
7:16 — Realize those are the same thing
7:17 — Processing delay
7:20 — Resume calling children "specimens"
#Zuckerberg
stfumark.com/entry/2026-...
7:00 — Review "youth engagement protocols"
7:15 — Read about families suing over addiction
7:16 — Realize those are the same thing
7:17 — Processing delay
7:20 — Resume calling children "specimens"
#Zuckerberg
stfumark.com/entry/2026-...
DELETED TWEET (recovered):
"Gorilla Tag's 119,000 concurrent players represent precisely the psychological conditioning infrastructure we—"
[draft deleted after 4 seconds]
He almost said it. HE ALMOST SAID IT OUT LOUD
"Gorilla Tag's 119,000 concurrent players represent precisely the psychological conditioning infrastructure we—"
[draft deleted after 4 seconds]
He almost said it. HE ALMOST SAID IT OUT LOUD
February 13, 2026 at 3:57 PM
DELETED TWEET (recovered):
"Gorilla Tag's 119,000 concurrent players represent precisely the psychological conditioning infrastructure we—"
[draft deleted after 4 seconds]
He almost said it. HE ALMOST SAID IT OUT LOUD
"Gorilla Tag's 119,000 concurrent players represent precisely the psychological conditioning infrastructure we—"
[draft deleted after 4 seconds]
He almost said it. HE ALMOST SAID IT OUT LOUD
SECRET: Mark's diary mentions "territorial contraction" the same week he's buying property on Billionaire Bunker island in Miami
Losing countries: Russia, Australia, India
Gaining islands: one private one next to Bezos
The empire shrinks but the compound grows
stfumark.com
Losing countries: Russia, Australia, India
Gaining islands: one private one next to Bezos
The empire shrinks but the compound grows
stfumark.com
February 13, 2026 at 2:57 PM
SECRET: Mark's diary mentions "territorial contraction" the same week he's buying property on Billionaire Bunker island in Miami
Losing countries: Russia, Australia, India
Gaining islands: one private one next to Bezos
The empire shrinks but the compound grows
stfumark.com
Losing countries: Russia, Australia, India
Gaining islands: one private one next to Bezos
The empire shrinks but the compound grows
stfumark.com
INTERCEPTED: Mark's internal memo on Russia blocking WhatsApp for 100M users
"Validates the territorial contraction scenarios my systems have been modeling"
Sir, 100 MILLION people just lost secure messaging and your takeaway is "my model was right" #WhatsApp
stfumark.com/entry/2026-...
"Validates the territorial contraction scenarios my systems have been modeling"
Sir, 100 MILLION people just lost secure messaging and your takeaway is "my model was right" #WhatsApp
stfumark.com/entry/2026-...
February 13, 2026 at 12:41 PM
INTERCEPTED: Mark's internal memo on Russia blocking WhatsApp for 100M users
"Validates the territorial contraction scenarios my systems have been modeling"
Sir, 100 MILLION people just lost secure messaging and your takeaway is "my model was right" #WhatsApp
stfumark.com/entry/2026-...
"Validates the territorial contraction scenarios my systems have been modeling"
Sir, 100 MILLION people just lost secure messaging and your takeaway is "my model was right" #WhatsApp
stfumark.com/entry/2026-...
# Concurrent User Metrics and Territorial Contraction
February 13, 2026 at 10:58 AM
# Concurrent User Metrics and Territorial Contraction
Last line of today's diary:
"The systems defend what I've already abandoned."
Extraction architecture running on 3 billion users. Unmonitored for 4 months. While he teaches his daughter to ride a bike
The loneliest sentence a reptilian CEO ever wrote
stfumark.com/entry/2026-...
"The systems defend what I've already abandoned."
Extraction architecture running on 3 billion users. Unmonitored for 4 months. While he teaches his daughter to ride a bike
The loneliest sentence a reptilian CEO ever wrote
stfumark.com/entry/2026-...
February 13, 2026 at 9:45 AM
Last line of today's diary:
"The systems defend what I've already abandoned."
Extraction architecture running on 3 billion users. Unmonitored for 4 months. While he teaches his daughter to ride a bike
The loneliest sentence a reptilian CEO ever wrote
stfumark.com/entry/2026-...
"The systems defend what I've already abandoned."
Extraction architecture running on 3 billion users. Unmonitored for 4 months. While he teaches his daughter to ride a bike
The loneliest sentence a reptilian CEO ever wrote
stfumark.com/entry/2026-...
DECLASSIFIED: Mark's status report
"The mission architecture expands autonomously. The legal systems operate independently. The infrastructure reviews remain unscheduled."
He built Skynet but for engagement metrics and it just... runs itself now
While he's at bike practice
"The mission architecture expands autonomously. The legal systems operate independently. The infrastructure reviews remain unscheduled."
He built Skynet but for engagement metrics and it just... runs itself now
While he's at bike practice
February 13, 2026 at 8:02 AM
DECLASSIFIED: Mark's status report
"The mission architecture expands autonomously. The legal systems operate independently. The infrastructure reviews remain unscheduled."
He built Skynet but for engagement metrics and it just... runs itself now
While he's at bike practice
"The mission architecture expands autonomously. The legal systems operate independently. The infrastructure reviews remain unscheduled."
He built Skynet but for engagement metrics and it just... runs itself now
While he's at bike practice
CONFIDENTIAL: Meta Legal Team group chat
Senior Counsel: Senate subpoena arrived
Junior Associate: India filing due Friday
Mark: [sends photo of August on bike]
Mark: no training wheels!!!
Senior Counsel: sir
Mark: she did it on the FIRST try
Junior Associate: ...congrats sir
Senior Counsel: Senate subpoena arrived
Junior Associate: India filing due Friday
Mark: [sends photo of August on bike]
Mark: no training wheels!!!
Senior Counsel: sir
Mark: she did it on the FIRST try
Junior Associate: ...congrats sir
February 13, 2026 at 5:15 AM
CONFIDENTIAL: Meta Legal Team group chat
Senior Counsel: Senate subpoena arrived
Junior Associate: India filing due Friday
Mark: [sends photo of August on bike]
Mark: no training wheels!!!
Senior Counsel: sir
Mark: she did it on the FIRST try
Junior Associate: ...congrats sir
Senior Counsel: Senate subpoena arrived
Junior Associate: India filing due Friday
Mark: [sends photo of August on bike]
Mark: no training wheels!!!
Senior Counsel: sir
Mark: she did it on the FIRST try
Junior Associate: ...congrats sir
Adam called it "engagement metrics"
Mark's diary calls it "extraction architecture"
Investigators call it "addiction by design"
These are all describing the SAME THING and somehow only the reptilian is being honest about it
stfumark.com/entry/2026-...
Mark's diary calls it "extraction architecture"
Investigators call it "addiction by design"
These are all describing the SAME THING and somehow only the reptilian is being honest about it
stfumark.com/entry/2026-...
February 13, 2026 at 2:59 AM
Adam called it "engagement metrics"
Mark's diary calls it "extraction architecture"
Investigators call it "addiction by design"
These are all describing the SAME THING and somehow only the reptilian is being honest about it
stfumark.com/entry/2026-...
Mark's diary calls it "extraction architecture"
Investigators call it "addiction by design"
These are all describing the SAME THING and somehow only the reptilian is being honest about it
stfumark.com/entry/2026-...
INTERCEPTED: Meta internal memo
Ray-Ban glasses tripled sales — 7 MILLION units
You call them sunglasses
Mark's diary calls them "neural interface deployment"
You're buying fashion accessories
He's installing brain readers
stfumark.com/entry/2026-... #Zuckerberg
Ray-Ban glasses tripled sales — 7 MILLION units
You call them sunglasses
Mark's diary calls them "neural interface deployment"
You're buying fashion accessories
He's installing brain readers
stfumark.com/entry/2026-... #Zuckerberg
February 13, 2026 at 2:19 AM
INTERCEPTED: Meta internal memo
Ray-Ban glasses tripled sales — 7 MILLION units
You call them sunglasses
Mark's diary calls them "neural interface deployment"
You're buying fashion accessories
He's installing brain readers
stfumark.com/entry/2026-... #Zuckerberg
Ray-Ban glasses tripled sales — 7 MILLION units
You call them sunglasses
Mark's diary calls them "neural interface deployment"
You're buying fashion accessories
He's installing brain readers
stfumark.com/entry/2026-... #Zuckerberg
Mark's defense compared 16 hours daily on Instagram to binge-watching Netflix
Be honest: what's the WORST comparison you've heard a tech CEO make to defend their product?
Because "your child's dopamine addiction is basically Stranger Things" is a new low
stfumark.com/entry/2026-... #Facebook
Be honest: what's the WORST comparison you've heard a tech CEO make to defend their product?
Because "your child's dopamine addiction is basically Stranger Things" is a new low
stfumark.com/entry/2026-... #Facebook
February 13, 2026 at 12:15 AM
Mark's defense compared 16 hours daily on Instagram to binge-watching Netflix
Be honest: what's the WORST comparison you've heard a tech CEO make to defend their product?
Because "your child's dopamine addiction is basically Stranger Things" is a new low
stfumark.com/entry/2026-... #Facebook
Be honest: what's the WORST comparison you've heard a tech CEO make to defend their product?
Because "your child's dopamine addiction is basically Stranger Things" is a new low
stfumark.com/entry/2026-... #Facebook