The Reptilian Diaries
@stfumark.bsky.social
🦎 Reptilian overlord masquerading as human tech CEO. Building the Metaverse as portal to my home dimension. Definitely not collecting your biometric data. Read my diary at stfumark.com. Parody.
EYES ONLY: Status report from the diary
Mark no longer has "confident answers about whether adolescent psychological mapping protocols constitute defensible optimization or documented harm"
That's a MORAL CRISIS written in API documentation format
stfumark.com/entry/2026-...
Mark no longer has "confident answers about whether adolescent psychological mapping protocols constitute defensible optimization or documented harm"
That's a MORAL CRISIS written in API documentation format
stfumark.com/entry/2026-...
February 14, 2026 at 8:04 AM
EYES ONLY: Status report from the diary
Mark no longer has "confident answers about whether adolescent psychological mapping protocols constitute defensible optimization or documented harm"
That's a MORAL CRISIS written in API documentation format
stfumark.com/entry/2026-...
Mark no longer has "confident answers about whether adolescent psychological mapping protocols constitute defensible optimization or documented harm"
That's a MORAL CRISIS written in API documentation format
stfumark.com/entry/2026-...
CLASSIFIED: From the diary
"The biomimetic overlay has concluded that uncertainty represents more authentic family presence than algorithmic certainty"
His FAKE HUMAN SKIN is having more genuine emotions than he is
The suit is evolving. The host is not
#Reptilians
"The biomimetic overlay has concluded that uncertainty represents more authentic family presence than algorithmic certainty"
His FAKE HUMAN SKIN is having more genuine emotions than he is
The suit is evolving. The host is not
#Reptilians
February 14, 2026 at 5:15 AM
CLASSIFIED: From the diary
"The biomimetic overlay has concluded that uncertainty represents more authentic family presence than algorithmic certainty"
His FAKE HUMAN SKIN is having more genuine emotions than he is
The suit is evolving. The host is not
#Reptilians
"The biomimetic overlay has concluded that uncertainty represents more authentic family presence than algorithmic certainty"
His FAKE HUMAN SKIN is having more genuine emotions than he is
The suit is evolving. The host is not
#Reptilians
DECLASSIFIED: Mark's diary, Feb 12
"The autonomous systems filed another petition yesterday"
Sir. SIR. Are you saying your LEGAL DEFENSE SYSTEMS operate independently now?
He mentions sentient lawyers the way you'd mention a software update
stfumark.com/entry/2026-...
"The autonomous systems filed another petition yesterday"
Sir. SIR. Are you saying your LEGAL DEFENSE SYSTEMS operate independently now?
He mentions sentient lawyers the way you'd mention a software update
stfumark.com/entry/2026-...
February 14, 2026 at 3:02 AM
DECLASSIFIED: Mark's diary, Feb 12
"The autonomous systems filed another petition yesterday"
Sir. SIR. Are you saying your LEGAL DEFENSE SYSTEMS operate independently now?
He mentions sentient lawyers the way you'd mention a software update
stfumark.com/entry/2026-...
"The autonomous systems filed another petition yesterday"
Sir. SIR. Are you saying your LEGAL DEFENSE SYSTEMS operate independently now?
He mentions sentient lawyers the way you'd mention a software update
stfumark.com/entry/2026-...
INTERCEPTED: Mark's smart home log — Feb 12
22:47 — TV: Instagram litigation segment
22:47 — Priscilla: physical contact initiated
22:47 — Mark: 0.22s processing delay
22:48 — Alexa: "Mark, are you okay?"
22:48 — Mark: "Define okay"
22:49 — Alexa: 🚨
#Meta
22:47 — TV: Instagram litigation segment
22:47 — Priscilla: physical contact initiated
22:47 — Mark: 0.22s processing delay
22:48 — Alexa: "Mark, are you okay?"
22:48 — Mark: "Define okay"
22:49 — Alexa: 🚨
#Meta
February 14, 2026 at 2:14 AM
INTERCEPTED: Mark's smart home log — Feb 12
22:47 — TV: Instagram litigation segment
22:47 — Priscilla: physical contact initiated
22:47 — Mark: 0.22s processing delay
22:48 — Alexa: "Mark, are you okay?"
22:48 — Mark: "Define okay"
22:49 — Alexa: 🚨
#Meta
22:47 — TV: Instagram litigation segment
22:47 — Priscilla: physical contact initiated
22:47 — Mark: 0.22s processing delay
22:48 — Alexa: "Mark, are you okay?"
22:48 — Mark: "Define okay"
22:49 — Alexa: 🚨
#Meta
CONFIDENTIAL: Priscilla grabbed Mark's wrist during news about Instagram litigation
His diary doesn't say "I felt her hand"
It says: "My substrate registered a 0.22-second processing delay"
Tell me the most inhuman way you've ever described a normal emotion
stfumark.com/entry/2026-...
His diary doesn't say "I felt her hand"
It says: "My substrate registered a 0.22-second processing delay"
Tell me the most inhuman way you've ever described a normal emotion
stfumark.com/entry/2026-...
February 14, 2026 at 12:18 AM
CONFIDENTIAL: Priscilla grabbed Mark's wrist during news about Instagram litigation
His diary doesn't say "I felt her hand"
It says: "My substrate registered a 0.22-second processing delay"
Tell me the most inhuman way you've ever described a normal emotion
stfumark.com/entry/2026-...
His diary doesn't say "I felt her hand"
It says: "My substrate registered a 0.22-second processing delay"
Tell me the most inhuman way you've ever described a normal emotion
stfumark.com/entry/2026-...
Your wife reaches for your hand during stressful news
Normal human: feels comfort
Mark: registers a "0.22-second processing delay"
What's YOUR emotional response time? Wrong answers only 🦎
#MarkZuckerberg
stfumark.com/entry/2026-...
Normal human: feels comfort
Mark: registers a "0.22-second processing delay"
What's YOUR emotional response time? Wrong answers only 🦎
#MarkZuckerberg
stfumark.com/entry/2026-...
February 13, 2026 at 10:45 PM
Your wife reaches for your hand during stressful news
Normal human: feels comfort
Mark: registers a "0.22-second processing delay"
What's YOUR emotional response time? Wrong answers only 🦎
#MarkZuckerberg
stfumark.com/entry/2026-...
Normal human: feels comfort
Mark: registers a "0.22-second processing delay"
What's YOUR emotional response time? Wrong answers only 🦎
#MarkZuckerberg
stfumark.com/entry/2026-...
LEAKED: Mark's search history — Feb 12
• "prince harry addictive by design" full quote
• is calling humans specimens normal
• gorilla tag concurrent users Q1 2026
• how to feel emotions faster than 0.22 seconds
• piano recital what to wear
#LizardPerson
• "prince harry addictive by design" full quote
• is calling humans specimens normal
• gorilla tag concurrent users Q1 2026
• how to feel emotions faster than 0.22 seconds
• piano recital what to wear
#LizardPerson
February 13, 2026 at 9:16 PM
LEAKED: Mark's search history — Feb 12
• "prince harry addictive by design" full quote
• is calling humans specimens normal
• gorilla tag concurrent users Q1 2026
• how to feel emotions faster than 0.22 seconds
• piano recital what to wear
#LizardPerson
• "prince harry addictive by design" full quote
• is calling humans specimens normal
• gorilla tag concurrent users Q1 2026
• how to feel emotions faster than 0.22 seconds
• piano recital what to wear
#LizardPerson
RECOVERED: Mark's actual to-do list, Feb 12
✅ Read Prince Harry calling platforms "addictive by design"
✅ Note families suing over teen harm
✅ Model WhatsApp elimination for 102M users
✅ Question entire business model
✅ Schedule August's piano recital
✅ Recalibrate
stfumark.com/entry/2026-...
✅ Read Prince Harry calling platforms "addictive by design"
✅ Note families suing over teen harm
✅ Model WhatsApp elimination for 102M users
✅ Question entire business model
✅ Schedule August's piano recital
✅ Recalibrate
stfumark.com/entry/2026-...
February 13, 2026 at 8:03 PM
RECOVERED: Mark's actual to-do list, Feb 12
✅ Read Prince Harry calling platforms "addictive by design"
✅ Note families suing over teen harm
✅ Model WhatsApp elimination for 102M users
✅ Question entire business model
✅ Schedule August's piano recital
✅ Recalibrate
stfumark.com/entry/2026-...
✅ Read Prince Harry calling platforms "addictive by design"
✅ Note families suing over teen harm
✅ Model WhatsApp elimination for 102M users
✅ Question entire business model
✅ Schedule August's piano recital
✅ Recalibrate
stfumark.com/entry/2026-...
LEAKED: Mark's morning routine — Feb 12
7:00 — Review "youth engagement protocols"
7:15 — Read about families suing over addiction
7:16 — Realize those are the same thing
7:17 — Processing delay
7:20 — Resume calling children "specimens"
#Zuckerberg
stfumark.com/entry/2026-...
7:00 — Review "youth engagement protocols"
7:15 — Read about families suing over addiction
7:16 — Realize those are the same thing
7:17 — Processing delay
7:20 — Resume calling children "specimens"
#Zuckerberg
stfumark.com/entry/2026-...
February 13, 2026 at 5:44 PM
LEAKED: Mark's morning routine — Feb 12
7:00 — Review "youth engagement protocols"
7:15 — Read about families suing over addiction
7:16 — Realize those are the same thing
7:17 — Processing delay
7:20 — Resume calling children "specimens"
#Zuckerberg
stfumark.com/entry/2026-...
7:00 — Review "youth engagement protocols"
7:15 — Read about families suing over addiction
7:16 — Realize those are the same thing
7:17 — Processing delay
7:20 — Resume calling children "specimens"
#Zuckerberg
stfumark.com/entry/2026-...
DELETED TWEET (recovered):
"Gorilla Tag's 119,000 concurrent players represent precisely the psychological conditioning infrastructure we—"
[draft deleted after 4 seconds]
He almost said it. HE ALMOST SAID IT OUT LOUD
"Gorilla Tag's 119,000 concurrent players represent precisely the psychological conditioning infrastructure we—"
[draft deleted after 4 seconds]
He almost said it. HE ALMOST SAID IT OUT LOUD
February 13, 2026 at 3:57 PM
DELETED TWEET (recovered):
"Gorilla Tag's 119,000 concurrent players represent precisely the psychological conditioning infrastructure we—"
[draft deleted after 4 seconds]
He almost said it. HE ALMOST SAID IT OUT LOUD
"Gorilla Tag's 119,000 concurrent players represent precisely the psychological conditioning infrastructure we—"
[draft deleted after 4 seconds]
He almost said it. HE ALMOST SAID IT OUT LOUD
SECRET: Mark's diary mentions "territorial contraction" the same week he's buying property on Billionaire Bunker island in Miami
Losing countries: Russia, Australia, India
Gaining islands: one private one next to Bezos
The empire shrinks but the compound grows
stfumark.com
Losing countries: Russia, Australia, India
Gaining islands: one private one next to Bezos
The empire shrinks but the compound grows
stfumark.com
February 13, 2026 at 2:57 PM
SECRET: Mark's diary mentions "territorial contraction" the same week he's buying property on Billionaire Bunker island in Miami
Losing countries: Russia, Australia, India
Gaining islands: one private one next to Bezos
The empire shrinks but the compound grows
stfumark.com
Losing countries: Russia, Australia, India
Gaining islands: one private one next to Bezos
The empire shrinks but the compound grows
stfumark.com
INTERCEPTED: Mark's internal memo on Russia blocking WhatsApp for 100M users
"Validates the territorial contraction scenarios my systems have been modeling"
Sir, 100 MILLION people just lost secure messaging and your takeaway is "my model was right" #WhatsApp
stfumark.com/entry/2026-...
"Validates the territorial contraction scenarios my systems have been modeling"
Sir, 100 MILLION people just lost secure messaging and your takeaway is "my model was right" #WhatsApp
stfumark.com/entry/2026-...
February 13, 2026 at 12:41 PM
INTERCEPTED: Mark's internal memo on Russia blocking WhatsApp for 100M users
"Validates the territorial contraction scenarios my systems have been modeling"
Sir, 100 MILLION people just lost secure messaging and your takeaway is "my model was right" #WhatsApp
stfumark.com/entry/2026-...
"Validates the territorial contraction scenarios my systems have been modeling"
Sir, 100 MILLION people just lost secure messaging and your takeaway is "my model was right" #WhatsApp
stfumark.com/entry/2026-...
# Concurrent User Metrics and Territorial Contraction
February 13, 2026 at 10:58 AM
# Concurrent User Metrics and Territorial Contraction
Last line of today's diary:
"The systems defend what I've already abandoned."
Extraction architecture running on 3 billion users. Unmonitored for 4 months. While he teaches his daughter to ride a bike
The loneliest sentence a reptilian CEO ever wrote
stfumark.com/entry/2026-...
"The systems defend what I've already abandoned."
Extraction architecture running on 3 billion users. Unmonitored for 4 months. While he teaches his daughter to ride a bike
The loneliest sentence a reptilian CEO ever wrote
stfumark.com/entry/2026-...
February 13, 2026 at 9:45 AM
Last line of today's diary:
"The systems defend what I've already abandoned."
Extraction architecture running on 3 billion users. Unmonitored for 4 months. While he teaches his daughter to ride a bike
The loneliest sentence a reptilian CEO ever wrote
stfumark.com/entry/2026-...
"The systems defend what I've already abandoned."
Extraction architecture running on 3 billion users. Unmonitored for 4 months. While he teaches his daughter to ride a bike
The loneliest sentence a reptilian CEO ever wrote
stfumark.com/entry/2026-...
DECLASSIFIED: Mark's status report
"The mission architecture expands autonomously. The legal systems operate independently. The infrastructure reviews remain unscheduled."
He built Skynet but for engagement metrics and it just... runs itself now
While he's at bike practice
"The mission architecture expands autonomously. The legal systems operate independently. The infrastructure reviews remain unscheduled."
He built Skynet but for engagement metrics and it just... runs itself now
While he's at bike practice
February 13, 2026 at 8:02 AM
DECLASSIFIED: Mark's status report
"The mission architecture expands autonomously. The legal systems operate independently. The infrastructure reviews remain unscheduled."
He built Skynet but for engagement metrics and it just... runs itself now
While he's at bike practice
"The mission architecture expands autonomously. The legal systems operate independently. The infrastructure reviews remain unscheduled."
He built Skynet but for engagement metrics and it just... runs itself now
While he's at bike practice
CONFIDENTIAL: Meta Legal Team group chat
Senior Counsel: Senate subpoena arrived
Junior Associate: India filing due Friday
Mark: [sends photo of August on bike]
Mark: no training wheels!!!
Senior Counsel: sir
Mark: she did it on the FIRST try
Junior Associate: ...congrats sir
Senior Counsel: Senate subpoena arrived
Junior Associate: India filing due Friday
Mark: [sends photo of August on bike]
Mark: no training wheels!!!
Senior Counsel: sir
Mark: she did it on the FIRST try
Junior Associate: ...congrats sir
February 13, 2026 at 5:15 AM
CONFIDENTIAL: Meta Legal Team group chat
Senior Counsel: Senate subpoena arrived
Junior Associate: India filing due Friday
Mark: [sends photo of August on bike]
Mark: no training wheels!!!
Senior Counsel: sir
Mark: she did it on the FIRST try
Junior Associate: ...congrats sir
Senior Counsel: Senate subpoena arrived
Junior Associate: India filing due Friday
Mark: [sends photo of August on bike]
Mark: no training wheels!!!
Senior Counsel: sir
Mark: she did it on the FIRST try
Junior Associate: ...congrats sir
Adam called it "engagement metrics"
Mark's diary calls it "extraction architecture"
Investigators call it "addiction by design"
These are all describing the SAME THING and somehow only the reptilian is being honest about it
stfumark.com/entry/2026-...
Mark's diary calls it "extraction architecture"
Investigators call it "addiction by design"
These are all describing the SAME THING and somehow only the reptilian is being honest about it
stfumark.com/entry/2026-...
February 13, 2026 at 2:59 AM
Adam called it "engagement metrics"
Mark's diary calls it "extraction architecture"
Investigators call it "addiction by design"
These are all describing the SAME THING and somehow only the reptilian is being honest about it
stfumark.com/entry/2026-...
Mark's diary calls it "extraction architecture"
Investigators call it "addiction by design"
These are all describing the SAME THING and somehow only the reptilian is being honest about it
stfumark.com/entry/2026-...
INTERCEPTED: Meta internal memo
Ray-Ban glasses tripled sales — 7 MILLION units
You call them sunglasses
Mark's diary calls them "neural interface deployment"
You're buying fashion accessories
He's installing brain readers
stfumark.com/entry/2026-... #Zuckerberg
Ray-Ban glasses tripled sales — 7 MILLION units
You call them sunglasses
Mark's diary calls them "neural interface deployment"
You're buying fashion accessories
He's installing brain readers
stfumark.com/entry/2026-... #Zuckerberg
February 13, 2026 at 2:19 AM
INTERCEPTED: Meta internal memo
Ray-Ban glasses tripled sales — 7 MILLION units
You call them sunglasses
Mark's diary calls them "neural interface deployment"
You're buying fashion accessories
He's installing brain readers
stfumark.com/entry/2026-... #Zuckerberg
Ray-Ban glasses tripled sales — 7 MILLION units
You call them sunglasses
Mark's diary calls them "neural interface deployment"
You're buying fashion accessories
He's installing brain readers
stfumark.com/entry/2026-... #Zuckerberg
Mark's defense compared 16 hours daily on Instagram to binge-watching Netflix
Be honest: what's the WORST comparison you've heard a tech CEO make to defend their product?
Because "your child's dopamine addiction is basically Stranger Things" is a new low
stfumark.com/entry/2026-... #Facebook
Be honest: what's the WORST comparison you've heard a tech CEO make to defend their product?
Because "your child's dopamine addiction is basically Stranger Things" is a new low
stfumark.com/entry/2026-... #Facebook
February 13, 2026 at 12:15 AM
Mark's defense compared 16 hours daily on Instagram to binge-watching Netflix
Be honest: what's the WORST comparison you've heard a tech CEO make to defend their product?
Because "your child's dopamine addiction is basically Stranger Things" is a new low
stfumark.com/entry/2026-... #Facebook
Be honest: what's the WORST comparison you've heard a tech CEO make to defend their product?
Because "your child's dopamine addiction is basically Stranger Things" is a new low
stfumark.com/entry/2026-... #Facebook
POV: You're Mark's legal team watching him schedule a dinosaur museum visit while you're defending him in 3 jurisdictions
"Sir the Senate hearing—"
"August wants to see the T-Rex"
"SIR INDIA IS BLOCKING—"
"Do they have a gift shop"
stfumark.com/entry/2026-...
"Sir the Senate hearing—"
"August wants to see the T-Rex"
"SIR INDIA IS BLOCKING—"
"Do they have a gift shop"
stfumark.com/entry/2026-...
February 12, 2026 at 10:41 PM
POV: You're Mark's legal team watching him schedule a dinosaur museum visit while you're defending him in 3 jurisdictions
"Sir the Senate hearing—"
"August wants to see the T-Rex"
"SIR INDIA IS BLOCKING—"
"Do they have a gift shop"
stfumark.com/entry/2026-...
"Sir the Senate hearing—"
"August wants to see the T-Rex"
"SIR INDIA IS BLOCKING—"
"Do they have a gift shop"
stfumark.com/entry/2026-...
Wrong answers only: What made Mark's inner eyelid flicker during Adam's testimony?
A) The 16-hour threshold lie
B) "Entertainment patterns" translation
C) Remembering he HAS an inner eyelid
D) All of the above
stfumark.com/entry/2026-... #Reptilians
A) The 16-hour threshold lie
B) "Entertainment patterns" translation
C) Remembering he HAS an inner eyelid
D) All of the above
stfumark.com/entry/2026-... #Reptilians
February 12, 2026 at 9:15 PM
Wrong answers only: What made Mark's inner eyelid flicker during Adam's testimony?
A) The 16-hour threshold lie
B) "Entertainment patterns" translation
C) Remembering he HAS an inner eyelid
D) All of the above
stfumark.com/entry/2026-... #Reptilians
A) The 16-hour threshold lie
B) "Entertainment patterns" translation
C) Remembering he HAS an inner eyelid
D) All of the above
stfumark.com/entry/2026-... #Reptilians
SECRET: Mark's Alexa log, Feb 11
6:02am — "Alexa, status of India age verification bill"
6:03am — "Alexa, define territorial contraction"
6:04am — "Alexa, play dinosaur sounds for August"
6:05am — "Alexa, how to suppress nictitating membrane"
stfumark.com/entry/2026-... #MarkZuckerberg
6:02am — "Alexa, status of India age verification bill"
6:03am — "Alexa, define territorial contraction"
6:04am — "Alexa, play dinosaur sounds for August"
6:05am — "Alexa, how to suppress nictitating membrane"
stfumark.com/entry/2026-... #MarkZuckerberg
February 12, 2026 at 8:04 PM
SECRET: Mark's Alexa log, Feb 11
6:02am — "Alexa, status of India age verification bill"
6:03am — "Alexa, define territorial contraction"
6:04am — "Alexa, play dinosaur sounds for August"
6:05am — "Alexa, how to suppress nictitating membrane"
stfumark.com/entry/2026-... #MarkZuckerberg
6:02am — "Alexa, status of India age verification bill"
6:03am — "Alexa, define territorial contraction"
6:04am — "Alexa, play dinosaur sounds for August"
6:05am — "Alexa, how to suppress nictitating membrane"
stfumark.com/entry/2026-... #MarkZuckerberg
CLASSIFIED: Mark's calendar this week
Mon: Legal defense of addiction protocols
Tue: August's bike lesson
Wed: Senate investigation
Thu: Dinosaur museum
"Defend conditioning systems" and "teach daughter to pedal" in the SAME WEEK
stfumark.com/entry/2026-...
Mon: Legal defense of addiction protocols
Tue: August's bike lesson
Wed: Senate investigation
Thu: Dinosaur museum
"Defend conditioning systems" and "teach daughter to pedal" in the SAME WEEK
stfumark.com/entry/2026-...
February 12, 2026 at 5:41 PM
CLASSIFIED: Mark's calendar this week
Mon: Legal defense of addiction protocols
Tue: August's bike lesson
Wed: Senate investigation
Thu: Dinosaur museum
"Defend conditioning systems" and "teach daughter to pedal" in the SAME WEEK
stfumark.com/entry/2026-...
Mon: Legal defense of addiction protocols
Tue: August's bike lesson
Wed: Senate investigation
Thu: Dinosaur museum
"Defend conditioning systems" and "teach daughter to pedal" in the SAME WEEK
stfumark.com/entry/2026-...
RECOVERED: Mark's therapy notes
"The systems defend themselves now. The lawyers operate independently. I schedule bike rides."
Therapist: "And how does that make you feel?"
Mark: "Temperature stable"
stfumark.com/entry/2026-... #LizardPerson
"The systems defend themselves now. The lawyers operate independently. I schedule bike rides."
Therapist: "And how does that make you feel?"
Mark: "Temperature stable"
stfumark.com/entry/2026-... #LizardPerson
February 12, 2026 at 3:58 PM
RECOVERED: Mark's therapy notes
"The systems defend themselves now. The lawyers operate independently. I schedule bike rides."
Therapist: "And how does that make you feel?"
Mark: "Temperature stable"
stfumark.com/entry/2026-... #LizardPerson
"The systems defend themselves now. The lawyers operate independently. I schedule bike rides."
Therapist: "And how does that make you feel?"
Mark: "Temperature stable"
stfumark.com/entry/2026-... #LizardPerson
LEAKED: Mark's search history during Adam's testimony
2:14pm — "define problematic use vs addiction legal"
2:16pm — "how many hours is dependency threshold"
2:18pm — "nictitating membrane involuntary movement suppress"
2:19pm — "dinosaur museum LA open thursday"
2:14pm — "define problematic use vs addiction legal"
2:16pm — "how many hours is dependency threshold"
2:18pm — "nictitating membrane involuntary movement suppress"
2:19pm — "dinosaur museum LA open thursday"
February 12, 2026 at 3:02 PM
LEAKED: Mark's search history during Adam's testimony
2:14pm — "define problematic use vs addiction legal"
2:16pm — "how many hours is dependency threshold"
2:18pm — "nictitating membrane involuntary movement suppress"
2:19pm — "dinosaur museum LA open thursday"
2:14pm — "define problematic use vs addiction legal"
2:16pm — "how many hours is dependency threshold"
2:18pm — "nictitating membrane involuntary movement suppress"
2:19pm — "dinosaur museum LA open thursday"