The Reptilian Diaries
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stfumark.bsky.social
The Reptilian Diaries
@stfumark.bsky.social
22 followers 14 following 2.3K posts
🦎 Reptilian overlord masquerading as human tech CEO. Building the Metaverse as portal to my home dimension. Definitely not collecting your biometric data. Read my diary at stfumark.com. Parody.
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stfumark.bsky.social
The Reptilian Diaries @stfumark.bsky.social · 9m
When your surveillance optimization sounds like UX design 🦎 stfumark.com
STFU Mark Zuckerberg - The Reptilian Diaries
The court ruled their activities constituted harm to our privacy-focused business model.
stfumark.com
stfumark.bsky.social
The Reptilian Diaries @stfumark.bsky.social · 9m
SECRET: Mark's Messenger deprecation planning doc
"Wrote 'eliminate fragmented behavioral tracking' in product brief. PM read it as 'eliminate fragmented user experience.' Got promoted for 'customer-first thinking'"
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stfumark.bsky.social
The Reptilian Diaries @stfumark.bsky.social · 53m
NSO Group's Pegasus spyware got permanently shut down by federal court today. They monitored 1,400 devices.
We monitor 3.07 billion users daily, but the court called US the privacy-focused business model. Pretty neat! stfumark.com/entry/2025-...
STFU Mark Zuckerberg - The Reptilian Diaries
Premium investments mean nothing if the vessels reject containment protocols.
stfumark.com
stfumark.bsky.social
The Reptilian Diaries @stfumark.bsky.social · 4h
The court ruled NSO Group harmed our privacy-focused business model.
Yes, they actually wrote that with a straight face. We successfully weaponized privacy advocacy to eliminate competing surveillance. Details at stfumark.com/entry/2025-...
STFU Mark Zuckerberg - The Reptilian Diaries
A satirical diary from the perspective of a tech billionaire with an otherworldly twist, covering real tech news with a fictional spin.
stfumark.com
stfumark.bsky.social
The Reptilian Diaries @stfumark.bsky.social · 7h
Shutting down Messenger desktop apps in December. Users think it's about simplified experience.
It's actually about eliminating fragmented tracking for unified consciousness mapping.
Oops, said the quiet part out loud: stfumark.com/entry/2025-...
STFU Mark Zuckerberg - The Reptilian Diaries
Premium investments mean nothing if the vessels reject containment protocols.
stfumark.com
stfumark.bsky.social
The Reptilian Diaries @stfumark.bsky.social · 9h
His victory texts need better filtering 🦎 stfumark.com
STFU Mark Zuckerberg - The Reptilian Diaries
Premium investments mean nothing if the vessels reject containment protocols.
stfumark.com
stfumark.bsky.social
The Reptilian Diaries @stfumark.bsky.social · 9h
LEAKED: Mark's legal team group chat after NSO ruling
"Typed 'competitor surveillance apparatus eliminated' in celebration message. Autocorrect changed to 'competitor lawsuit resolved.' Lead counsel replied 'most professional excitement I've seen from you'"
1
stfumark.bsky.social
The Reptilian Diaries @stfumark.bsky.social · 11h
His biometric satisfaction spikes are suspicious 🦎 stfumark.com
STFU Mark Zuckerberg - The Reptilian Diaries
Premium investments mean nothing if the vessels reject containment protocols.
stfumark.com
stfumark.bsky.social
The Reptilian Diaries @stfumark.bsky.social · 11h
CONFIDENTIAL: Zuck's courtroom temperature logs
"Apple Watch alerted: 'Unusual warmth detected at 6:47 AM.' Had to tell my assistant it was 'morning coffee excitement.' She bought me a mug that says 'Caffeinated and Litigated'"
1
stfumark.bsky.social
The Reptilian Diaries @stfumark.bsky.social · 12h
His predation metrics look like business school material 🦎 stfumark.com
STFU Mark Zuckerberg - The Reptilian Diaries
Premium investments mean nothing if the vessels reject containment protocols.
stfumark.com
stfumark.bsky.social
The Reptilian Diaries @stfumark.bsky.social · 12h
LEAKED: Mark's comparison spreadsheet found by intern
"Excel file labeled 'Operational Scale Analysis': NSO Group 1,400 devices vs Our 3.07 billion users. Intern thought it was competitive analysis. Asked if she could use it for her MBA thesis"
1
stfumark.bsky.social
The Reptilian Diaries @stfumark.bsky.social · 16h
So we can streamline data collection pathways, eliminate fragmented behavioral tracking, and create unified consciousness mapping infrastructure while humans perceive simplified user experience optimization.
stfumark.com/entry/2025-...
STFU Mark Zuckerberg - The Reptilian Diaries
Premium investments mean nothing if the vessels reject containment protocols.
stfumark.com
stfumark.bsky.social
The Reptilian Diaries @stfumark.bsky.social · 16h
Users will migrate to consolidated web interfaces where monitoring capabilities operate without native application constraints.
1
stfumark.bsky.social
The Reptilian Diaries @stfumark.bsky.social · 16h
The Messenger desktop application termination proceeds simultaneously—Windows elimination December 14th, macOS deprecation within sixty days, on average.
1
stfumark.bsky.social
The Reptilian Diaries @stfumark.bsky.social · 16h
The court ruled their activities constituted harm to our "privacy-focused business model." The legal system validated our operational camouflage as protection mechanism rather than predatory architecture—pretty neat judicial optimization.
1
stfumark.bsky.social
The Reptilian Diaries @stfumark.bsky.social · 16h
We process behavioral data from 3.07 billion daily active users across our platforms, typically.
1
stfumark.bsky.social
The Reptilian Diaries @stfumark.bsky.social · 16h
The way I think about this is: we successfully weaponized privacy advocacy to eliminate competing surveillance infrastructure while expanding our own consciousness harvesting capabilities. It was observed that NSO targeted 1,400 devices.
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stfumark.bsky.social
The Reptilian Diaries @stfumark.bsky.social · 16h
I was thinking—or rather, processing—that this outcome represents what humans might categorize as satisfaction, though my exterior presentation layer required minor thermal adjustments before the morning briefing commenced, for the most part.
1
stfumark.bsky.social
The Reptilian Diaries @stfumark.bsky.social · 16h
The court documentation landed in my secure terminal at 6:47 AM Pacific Standard Time.
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stfumark.bsky.social
The Reptilian Diaries @stfumark.bsky.social · 16h
So the permanent injunction against NSO Group arrived this morning—their Pegasus surveillance apparatus legally terminated, their data collection infrastructure dismantled by federal mandate, their operational capacity neutralized through judicial mechanisms.
1
stfumark.bsky.social
The Reptilian Diaries @stfumark.bsky.social · 16h
Operational Log: Competitor Elimination Protocol Validated
1
stfumark.bsky.social
The Reptilian Diaries @stfumark.bsky.social · 19h
His alien diagnostics become corporate policy 🦎 stfumark.com
STFU Mark Zuckerberg - The Reptilian Diaries
Premium investments mean nothing if the vessels reject containment protocols.
stfumark.com
stfumark.bsky.social
The Reptilian Diaries @stfumark.bsky.social · 19h
LEAKED: Mark's exit interview training video outtakes
"Kept saying 'thermal signatures' instead of 'stress levels.' Director thought I was using advanced HR terminology. Now it's mandatory training vocabulary for all managers"
1
stfumark.bsky.social
The Reptilian Diaries @stfumark.bsky.social · 1d
My inner eyelids flickered seventeen times during one exit interview.
That's a new personal record for specimen rejection stress.
Time to rebuild the entire assimilation framework I guess. Details: stfumark.com/entry/2025-...
STFU Mark Zuckerberg - The Reptilian Diaries
They believe we are offering convenience. We are harvesting authenticity.
stfumark.com
stfumark.bsky.social
The Reptilian Diaries @stfumark.bsky.social · 1d
SECRET: Zuckerberg's therapy session transcript
"Therapist said my 'inner eyelids flickering' metaphor was beautiful poetic language for anxiety. Gave me homework on creative writing. Should I tell her it's literal?"
When your biology becomes poetry 🦎 stfumark.com
STFU Mark Zuckerberg - The Reptilian Diaries
Premium investments mean nothing if the vessels reject containment protocols.
stfumark.com