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The Empty Press

@theemptypress.com

92 followers 3 following 560 posts

We're TheEmptyPress, AKA "The Old Dark Lady". We write worthless, satirical garbage. Also, we're not an AI, we're just bad at what we do. https://linktr.ee/theemptypress

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The Empty Press @theemptypress.com · Jun 8

The foundational pillar of the abuses and inequities of modern Western society is the tendency of poor White people to believe that problems that rich White people created are the fault of poor People of Colour.

#HousingCrisis #CDNPoli #CanPoli #NSPoli

The Empty Press @theemptypress.com · 13h

The people of Central Park will be silenced no longer.

#CentralPark #NYC #Mamdani #NYTimes

The Empty Press @theemptypress.com · 22h

So we're in agreement, Benjamin Kindel shall henceforth be known as "The Amazon Man".

#LetsGoPens #NHL

The Empty Press @theemptypress.com · 2d

All communication should be in English or French, or this isn't a province whose name is literally Latin!

theemptypress.com/horrifying-s...

#Halifax #NovaScotia #NSPoli #HfxPoli #YHZ #Halisky

Horrifying scenes in Halifax after Arabic sign causes sun to set an hour earlier - The Empty Press

HALIFAX – There was terror and pandemonium in the region’s largest city this weekend after a billboard featuring words in the Arabic language caused the sun to set an hour earlier than usual. “I knew ...

theemptypress.com

The Empty Press @theemptypress.com · 3d

And Rogers.

#SilverLinings #BlueJays #WorldSeries #LightsUpLetsGo #WANTITALL #Toronto #LetsGoDodgers

Jays fans take comfort in knowledge that they can still hate Shapiro and Atkins - The Empty Press

OTTAWA – After a disappointing Game 7 loss to the Los Angeles Dodgers in the 2025 World Series, fans of the Toronto Blue Jays are taking comfort in the knowledge that the defeat means they can continu...

theemptypress.com

The Empty Press @theemptypress.com · 3d

Look at it this way, Torontonians. A championship-winning team might mean more frequent trips to the city by annoying 905ers.

#SilverLinings #WorldSeries #BlueJays #LetsGoDodgers #WANTITALL #LightsUpLetsGo #Toronto

The Empty Press @theemptypress.com · 4d

Ohtani and Scherzer. A day that will long be remembered as the first World Series showdown between X-men.

#WorldSeries #WantItAll #LetsGoDodgers

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The Empty Press @theemptypress.com · 5d

BREAKING: …And pathetic, childless bachelors whose only source of happiness is the one day of the year that they are free to give candy to children without arousing suspicion

#NovaScotia #Halifax #Storm #Halloween

The Empty Press @theemptypress.com · 5d

BREAKING: Nova Scotia hates kids

#NovaScotia #Halifax #Storm #Halloween

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The Empty Press @theemptypress.com · 8d

Canadian TV producers would've passed on Breaking Bad unless Walter White was a hockey coach.

#CanCon #CanadianTV #CanadaTV #Canada #Halisky

The Empty Press @theemptypress.com · 10d

Yamamoto defies pitching analytics convention by not being a coddled widdle baby.

#WorldSeries #BringItHome #MLB #LightsUpLetsGo #LetsGoDodgers

The Empty Press @theemptypress.com · 15d

"Maybe in between all of the candle-lighting and prayer, you could take a moment to reflect, and say a solemn 'FUCKING RIGHT, BABY!'"

#MLB #ALCS #BlueJays #WorldSeries #Diwali #LightsUpLetsGo #Toronto

Quiet, dignified, ALCS ceremony drowned out by Diwali celebrations - The Empty Press

TORONTO – As the Toronto Blue Jays prepared to embark on their first trip to the World Series in 32 years, ceremonies commemorating the sombre occasion largely went unnoticed due to the joyous din of ...

theemptypress.com

The Empty Press @theemptypress.com · 16d

Can you really "steal" something that was stolen in the first place?

#Louvre

The Empty Press @theemptypress.com · 17d

Diversity initiative results in company hiring record number of White people

#DEI

Diversity initiative results in company hiring record number of White people - The Empty Press

OTTAWA – Executives at Lawrence Dynamics are touting the success of their recent Diversity, Equity and Inclusion (DEI) initiative, after an adjustment to their original request for BIPOC applicants to...

theemptypress.com

The Empty Press @theemptypress.com · 17d

Since Israel's inception, over 100 000 of its citizens have become casualties of conflict. If its government's mandate really is the safety and protection of its people, it doesn't look like it's been doing a very good job.

#Israel #Palestine

The Empty Press @theemptypress.com · 17d

Scientists: Signs indicate SNL has entered "Drive sketches that worked the previous season into the ground" phase of its cycle.

#SNL #SabrinaNightLive

The Empty Press @theemptypress.com · 18d

It is shameful of the Dodgers to give a platform to a man who is so full of hate that he will not let anything get in the way of his mission to destroy the sport of Baseball.

#ShoheiOhtani

#LetsGoDodgers #MLB

The Empty Press @theemptypress.com · 26d

As you prepare for a fun weekend of food and family, don't forget the true spirit of the occasion and be thankful that you're not one of those poor souls who's about to spend Monday crying into their mashed potatoes because they just got turkey dumped.

#Thanksgiving #Canada #turkey #Halisky

The Empty Press @theemptypress.com · 26d

That moment when you realise there's someone out there doing it better than you.

@halifaxretales.bsky.social

Halifax ReTales @halifaxretales.bsky.social · 26d

The Empty Press @theemptypress.com · 28d

Gosh.. it's almost as if the climate is.. changing?

www.tsn.ca/mlb/article/...

#ClimateChange #BeHereForIt #Cubs #MLB

The Empty Press @theemptypress.com · 29d

Find someone who DOESN’T look at you like Charlotte Louise Burckhardt.

@metmuseum.org

#Art #Artitude #PosingBitchFace #JohnSingerSargent #TheMet

The Empty Press @theemptypress.com · Oct 4

“I hope those kids didn't witness any arson attacks, because my moves are going to be straight fire!”

#NSPoli #Halifax #NovaScotia #Halisky

Nova Scotia moves to protect veterans' right to dance like nobody's watching - The Empty Press

HALIFAX – After fast-tracking a bill affirming Armed Forces members’ right to wear their uniforms in public places, the Houston government has tabled another bill affirming their right to dance like n...

theemptypress.com

The Empty Press @theemptypress.com · Oct 3

We had such high hopes for you..

#Poilievre #TravisDhanraj

The Empty Press @theemptypress.com · Jul 7

We feel you, bro, but please, don't turn into a conservative shill as a result.

#TravisDhanraj #CBC #Halisky

The Empty Press @theemptypress.com · Oct 3

If you have to ask "when?", it's already too late.

@halifaxretales.bsky.social

Halifax ReTales @halifaxretales.bsky.social · Oct 2

Hey you
Yeah you

It’s probably a good day to plan ahead

and book your tire changeover

The Empty Press @theemptypress.com · Sep 30

We're really disappointed in the comedians performing in Saudi Arabia. They should stick to performing in places like the United States, UK, and France. Y'know, countries that have never done anything bad to anyone.

The Empty Press @theemptypress.com · Sep 28

Yeah! He was even nice to a MUSLIM guy!

torontosun.com/sports/simmo...

#Reimer #TorontoSun #GoLeafsGo #LGBTQ #LeafsForever #NHL