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The Phantom of the Mead Hall Bard

@themeadhallbard.bsky.social

910 followers 480 following 12K posts

*DMs Disabled* #Wülferhamptonian #JamFirst Profanagiest Frustrating Bastard Ex Vampier Belligerent malcontent Tuberdoor Singest Rhymist Storyteller Lute twanglist Ye Mercia Beat decomposer Wilfully obtuse Murdered at the behest of WülfHelm

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The Phantom of the Mead Hall Bard @themeadhallbard.bsky.social · Sep 3

For Wülferhampton newbies (and those that got so wrecked in the Mead Hall that they can’t remember what happened)

The History of the Phantom of the Mead Hall Bard.

The 'Phantom' of The Mead Hall Bard

is the spiritual essence of a travelling musician and poet who was once chained to the wall of the Mead Hall, in the window alcove by the door to the latrines.

Early Life
Almost nothing is known of the early years of TMHB. His spoken accent is not that of a Wülferhampton native, but there is no clue to his origins. He has some small literary skills and musical training, so it is assumed that he may have studied in a foreign land (i.e. not Wülferhampton).

Corporeal Mead Hall Tenure
TMHB arrived at the Mead Hall as a living, breathing and reasonably healthy person. Sadly, this was not a situation that would endure for long. Although initially intrigued by the travelling Bard, the Bretwalda soon tired of his somewhat acerbic satirical wit. This resulted in TMHB being appointed as the resident Bard (a retained position chained to the wall and used as a target for discard rat bones). The Bard suffered this for some time, before escaping and later reappearing as The Phantom of the Mead Hall Bard (The Phantom).

Death
The actual demise of TMHB has been the subject of much speculation. The only corroborated facts are that the Bard's exsanguinated corpse was found in the Frankish Music Hall called "Mason Rouge", bearing a single wound consistent with an expertly wielded seax. There were unsubstantiated reports that TMHB was murdered by, or at the behest of, the Bretwalda Wulfhelm. This suggestion has been repeatedly denied by Bretwalda WülfHhelm and it is ill advised to challenge him on the subject. However, since the event, the Select Fyrd has claimed responsibility for the dispatch of the Bard.

Place of Unrest
There are rumours that the corpse of TMHB is buried under the great Elm Tree at the back of the Mead Hall. Since any excavation or exploration of the area is forbidden by the Bretwalda on pain of death, the rumours cannot be substantiated. The Psychic Squirrel (A.K.A. loads of variations of his name) has claimed that the Bard's remains have been exhumed, cremated, salted and reburied. But it is uncertain if that was the Bard or the leftovers of one of the Bretwalda’s Chinese foods binges (barbequed spare ribs).

Mead Hall Haunting
After his reappearance as the Phantom, the Mead Hall Bard has been haunting the Mead Hall and Wülferhampton area. He spends a great deal of his time annoying the Bretwalda, (which can only be a good thing). Unusually for a spirit, most people can see or at least hear the Phantom and he'll engage almost everybody in conversation.

Music of the Phantom of the Mead Hall Bard
The music of TMHB mostly takes the form of a contrafactum, whereby the text of a song is substituted without substantial change to the original music. This makes it easy for the Mead Hall clientele to join in when they are pissed brainless on a Friday and Saturday night. This creative process can be thought of in terms of decomposing and recomposing: which is fairly appropriate given TMHB's history.

His posthumous album "The Seax Man Cometh" went straight in at Number 1 on the Wülferhampton charts.

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The Phantom of the Mead Hall Bard @themeadhallbard.bsky.social · 6h

What's your preferred genres, I'll drop the occasional track on your timeline.

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The Phantom of the Mead Hall Bard @themeadhallbard.bsky.social · 6h

I used it for a while on the web interface without issue. I went with Apple only because I've migrated all my stuff there.

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The Phantom of the Mead Hall Bard @themeadhallbard.bsky.social · 6h

Been reading up. The actual app appears to be safe, but they have had problems with ads served by the 'unpaid' client linking to malware. Also, the unpaid version does play a lot of ads after an initial 30 minutes free.

Don't know what would happen if you sign up and use it via a smart speaker?

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The Phantom of the Mead Hall Bard @themeadhallbard.bsky.social · 6h

All of the "free" ones I see on the Apple Store aren't from Spotify. Can't attest for android.

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The Phantom of the Mead Hall Bard @themeadhallbard.bsky.social · 6h

Get it from a reputable source and use the official app or website. The problems come from the third party shysters.

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The Phantom of the Mead Hall Bard @themeadhallbard.bsky.social · 6h

I'm using Apple Music, no issues (admittedly, useless without Apple kit). Daughter has been using Spotify for years, no issues.

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The Phantom of the Mead Hall Bard @themeadhallbard.bsky.social · 6h

#WÜLFERHAMPTON SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT

I've updated the "Wülferhamptonians" feed to incorporate all the things that the "Uniquely Wülferhampton" feed does.

If it works as expected, I'll remove the "Uniquely Wülferhampton" feed.

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The Phantom of the Mead Hall Bard @themeadhallbard.bsky.social · 7h

About 12"

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The Phantom of the Mead Hall Bard @themeadhallbard.bsky.social · 7h

That's the point. The streaming service will note what you don't skip or add as a favourite and keep serving you up new stuff. Effort free.

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The Phantom of the Mead Hall Bard @themeadhallbard.bsky.social · 7h

Sign up to a steaming service and explore. Even if it's only for a couple of months, you'll find a shed load of stuff for the price of a couple of CDs

Give these a listen...

Cardinal Black a listen.
Joanne Shaw Taylor
Molly Tuttle
Watchouse