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Ashley @touchthecow.myatproto.social · 44m

The Houston Texans were determined to prove me wrong tonight.

Ashley @touchthecow.myatproto.social · 2h

Fell in love with baseball because it's a beautiful human random number generator where everyone's playing and watching more for the weird and impressive individual feats than victory.

But something every other sport has over it is you could not replace their decision makers with a calculator.

Ashley @touchthecow.myatproto.social · 2h

The first team to separate the, like, "player-handler middle management" part of the manager role from the "you are here to optimize probability in an extremely random game" part into two separate jobs is probably going to be... well, only marginally better off, because it's still extremely random.

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Ashley @touchthecow.myatproto.social · 2h

The first team to separate the, like, "player-handler middle management" part of the manager role from the "you are here to optimize probability in an extremely random game" part into two separate jobs is probably going to be... well, only marginally better off, because it's still extremely random.

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Ashley @touchthecow.myatproto.social · 3h

I think the main thing to me watching that series is that as much as I believe Phillies manager Rob Thomson makes some poor decisions, he is managing circles around Mariners manager Dan Wilson, so maybe I should be a bit more grateful. Poor management is the worst feeling reason-apparent for losing.

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Ashley @touchthecow.myatproto.social · 3h

Smoltz, runners on first and third: "The only reason he's not on second base easily right now—because they'd give it to him—is you're trying to avoid the line drive double play."

Davis, immediately after, as the ball is lined to first: "LINE DRIVE DOUBLE PLAY!"

Crazy commentator's curse tonight.

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Ashley @touchthecow.myatproto.social · 3h

Commentary says Bazardo has pitched a lot of innings, 2 of which were last night, and that Springer is one of the guys he faced. And then the next pitch is a 3-run homer.

Now, it's not like I know what the Mariners bullpen looks like in-depth. But this feels like you were asking to lose.

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Ashley @touchthecow.myatproto.social · 4h

Following the fictional Pokémon world over the past three decades is watching an idealistic leftist utopia turn into a capitalist hellscape.

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Ashley @touchthecow.myatproto.social · 5h

Completely taken out by the grimly patriotic, American-flag riddled anti-tariff ad on the American League Championship Series. On Fox. With the stinger that the person talking is Ronald Reagan. Brought to you by Ontario, Canada.

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Ashley @touchthecow.myatproto.social · 5h

Bunting runners on first and second over with no outs in the second inning of a tied game is already the kind of thing that makes me hope you lose. The Mariners doing so to bring up the #8 hitter in their lineup, with John Smoltz on commentary sounding pleased, means I'm now a Blue Jays fan.

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Ashley @touchthecow.myatproto.social · 5h

People not playing the big new video game: "This game is SLOP, you are a SHEEP if you like this."

People playing the big new video game: *writing the above straw man because it is more fun than playing the big new video game*

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Ashley @touchthecow.myatproto.social · 6h

Showing how far above people making fun of the big new video game I am by making fun of the people making fun of the big new video game.

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Ashley @touchthecow.myatproto.social · 10h

If is so good why isn't there an 2?

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Ashley @touchthecow.myatproto.social · 12h

Every weekday I wake up wildly anxious in anticipation of bad dental news. Like, "You are about to be out a couple thousand dollars" bad. Been a fun 2025.

Ashley @touchthecow.myatproto.social · 1d

Soup PTSD

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Ashley @touchthecow.myatproto.social · 1d

They had my long-time nemesis Smoltz in the booth talking about, "You hear that crowd? That's what they're gonna be up against. The Blue Jays have this in their corner." And then a minute later this is on screen to remind you baseball and the universe do not care about the stories we tell ourselves.

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Ashley @touchthecow.myatproto.social · 1d

That's a great stat, brother. Really goes to show the advantage the home team has.

A graphic on the MLB ALCS reading "Game 7 Fact: Home Team: 30-29 Record, Lost 7 of Last 8"

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Ashley @touchthecow.myatproto.social · 1d

Isn't it crazy Granblue has had, like, three different levels of paid collab end of service accelerationism, but is still like, "We can't make Belial playable"?

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Ashley @touchthecow.myatproto.social · 1d

If you're a weirdo who likes watching sports VODs (I am a weirdo who likes watching sports VODs), lmk, I can help

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Reposted by Ashley

Romhack.ing @romhack.ing · 1d

This game is basically Umamusume: Pretty Derby but if it had real horses.

Romhack.ing @romhack.ing · 1d

Gambler: Queen's Cup - English Translation (FM) Added

Gambler: Queen's Cup - English Translation - Content

This is a complete English translation of Gambler: Queen's Cup for the FM Towns.

romhack.ing

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Reposted by Ashley

✧Mirai✦ @starrymirai.moe · Feb 21

Anyways I also just remembered this amazing post

Tweet by @MementoMousie

"hey babe are you ready for some agepl- [Remembering she does not like that word] -gentle femdom mommy stuff?"

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Ashley @touchthecow.myatproto.social · 1d

"Only Nick Foles has done it with 7. Two players have accomplished it with 6: The two greatest quarterbacks in the history of the sport." is a perfect summary of Nick Foles as a player.

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Ashley @touchthecow.myatproto.social · 1d

A Wikipedia excerpt reading: "Statistics: Only Nick Foles has accomplished a perfect passer rating with seven touchdowns thrown. Two players have accomplished a perfect passer rating with six touchdowns thrown: Tom Brady and Peyton Manning. "

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Ashley @touchthecow.myatproto.social · 1d

"The Broncos came back from 19-0 in a single quarter to beat the Giants 33-32, with three lead changes in the final 1:51" undersells how ridiculous of a quarter it was.

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Ashley @touchthecow.myatproto.social · 2d

That's how it was for me, too.

JAV Titles @jav.scd.lol · 2d

Memory of a Transsexual's Budding Love: Fucks Her Way Through 12 Guys

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Ashley @touchthecow.myatproto.social · 2d

No, Mr. Sliwa. Every parade has the right to exist in EVERY city. Your softball answer tells me you're not prepared to truly fight for parades' rights unless you can get some votes out of it. Cravenly.

Ashley @touchthecow.myatproto.social · 3d

Reposting this from the site that's for the birds, where it had the caption "I Think You Should Leave sketch", because I've been crying laughing at this for a minute. It's just beautiful. You couldn't sketch it out funnier than this. Comedians couldn't play it out better.