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Ian King

@twoht.bsky.social

5.2K followers 440 following 2.8K posts

Podcaster, (association) football writer, copywriter, $ubstacker. Writer for Football League World, also seen on Fotmob, When Saturday Comes. Come on in, the takes are *toasty*. London-born, Sussex based. He/him. https://unexpecteddelirium.substack.com

unexpecteddelirium.substack.com

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Ian King @twoht.bsky.social · 7h

I only do non league, so not usually more than £10-£15 or so. Always a 3pm kickoff.

Ian King @twoht.bsky.social · 7h

Make it a Saturday and I'll take you up the football

Ian King @twoht.bsky.social · 12h

Morning loves, words and pictures from Slough Town vs Enfield Town yesterday, where sitting in a cemetary offered some perspective on losing a football match.

unexpecteddelirium.substack.com/p/the-weeken...

The Weekend Match: Slough Town 3-2 Enfield Town: Come, Friendly Bombs

Enfield Town have reached this stage of the FA Cup on three previous occasions, but have never gone further. And that'll have to wait another year after an eventful afternoon in Berkshire.

unexpecteddelirium.substack.com

Ian King @twoht.bsky.social · 22h

As a coda to this story, they got off at Southwick, the same stop as me (I was going round my mates house), and dad IMMEDIATELY lit a fag up on the platform, fucks given = 0, absolute scenes

There was also a daughter, but she was keeping an appropriate distance and fiddling with her phone.

Ian King @twoht.bsky.social · 1d

Both scored and conceded the most goals in the division, so that's something

Ian King @twoht.bsky.social · 1d

Well, *somebody* has taken out life insurance on him

Ian King @twoht.bsky.social · 1d

My name is one letter from a very rude word indeed when pushed together yet NO-ONE has ever mentioned it to me

Ian King @twoht.bsky.social · 1d

I hope they find our names as funny

Ian King @twoht.bsky.social · 1d

I have an MP3 of an old episode of Baker and Kelly in which Danny Kelly is just reading out the names of Dutch footballers and he sounds very close to having a heart attack from laughing too hard

Ian King @twoht.bsky.social · 1d

Presented without comment

Wearing the number nine shirt... JIZZ HORNKAMP

Ian King @twoht.bsky.social · 1d

I mean, COME ON

Jetro Willams and Bram Nuytinck

Ian King @twoht.bsky.social · 1d

Dutch names for the chef's kiss, always. If I need cheering up, I'll go to the Eredivisie Wiki page, open a random team, and read through their current squad.

Ian King @twoht.bsky.social · 1d

Dutch names for the chef's kiss, always. If I need cheering up, I'll go to the Eredivisie Wiki page, open a random team, and read through their current squad.

Ian King @twoht.bsky.social · 1d

Dad drinking wine from the bottle and his son is encouraging him to chug it.

This is the real Britain.

Ian King @twoht.bsky.social · 1d

There's slightly drunk middle class parents on the train back with their teenage son and they're playing charades. I'm not sure they realise how funny they're being. They're going all in on it and paying no attention to anyone or anything else. Dad's horse mime was a work of art.

Ian King @twoht.bsky.social · 1d

Couldn't make out the last word, assuming it's "penis", would be a bit unbalanced otherwise

Ian King @twoht.bsky.social · 1d

Only once

Ian King @twoht.bsky.social · 1d

I've just met a UD subscriber who presumably recognised me from my recent description of myself in last week's write up

Ian King @twoht.bsky.social · 1d

Quick aside, best game I've seen by a mile so far this season. Really tense, both teams absolutely going at each other, "proper cup tie".

Ian King @twoht.bsky.social · 1d

I was very close to asking if I could sit on his lap

Ian King @twoht.bsky.social · 1d

NGL the Slough goalkeeper isn't very good. Enfield have hit the post and bar, Slough equalised with their first attack after half an hour. Could easily be 4-1. Probably will be 2-2 by half time.

Electronic scoreboard

Slough Town 1-2 Enfield Town

46' 04

Seven minutes stoppage time

Ian King @twoht.bsky.social · 1d

I can teach them that

Ian King @twoht.bsky.social · 1d

Yeah that's the thing, might be quite exciting for them

Ian King @twoht.bsky.social · 1d

Is it Graham Potter?

Ian King @twoht.bsky.social · 1d

I might take the kids, undecided yet