Ian King
@twoht.bsky.social
Podcaster, (association) football writer, copywriter, $ubstacker. Writer for Football League World, also seen on Fotmob, When Saturday Comes. Come on in, the takes are *toasty*. London-born, Sussex based. He/him.
https://unexpecteddelirium.substack.com
https://unexpecteddelirium.substack.com
One final shout for this, from yesterday evening. On Manchester United vs Everton on Monday night.
Podcast coming later today, there'll be tears, there'll be laughter etc
Podcast coming later today, there'll be tears, there'll be laughter etc
A bit later than I'd anticipated, but some words on last night's match between Manchester United and Everton. So long you treat it as a soap opera rather than sport, it can be cracking entertainment.
unexpecteddelirium.substack.com/p/peak-manch...
unexpecteddelirium.substack.com/p/peak-manch...
Peak Manchester United run head-first into Peak Everton on a Monday of Premier League low comedy
It's tempting to think that both clubs were doing a bit when they met at Old Trafford on Monday night.
unexpecteddelirium.substack.com
November 26, 2025 at 8:26 AM
One final shout for this, from yesterday evening. On Manchester United vs Everton on Monday night.
Podcast coming later today, there'll be tears, there'll be laughter etc
Podcast coming later today, there'll be tears, there'll be laughter etc
Apropos nothing, I recently realised that both my microwave and my washing machine do a referee's final whistle - "peep, peeeep, peeeeeep" - when they finish.
My microwave sings a little song when my Hot Pocket is done. Should it have the right to vote?
can’t fucking catch a breath
make it stop
make it stop
November 25, 2025 at 8:59 PM
Apropos nothing, I recently realised that both my microwave and my washing machine do a referee's final whistle - "peep, peeeep, peeeeeep" - when they finish.
I strongly feel that this is how we should all refer to him from this point
When did Cristiano Ronaldo, who denies the allegations, last play well in an international tournament?
November 25, 2025 at 8:54 PM
I strongly feel that this is how we should all refer to him from this point
The Juventus goalkeeper deserved to concede that goal for dressing like Santa in November
November 25, 2025 at 8:29 PM
The Juventus goalkeeper deserved to concede that goal for dressing like Santa in November
Brothers and sisters, we are recording a podcast tonight, and your questions would be most gratefully appreciated. Any subject, you know the score. Drop them below and receive our confident (but plausibly wrong) answers!
November 25, 2025 at 6:49 PM
Brothers and sisters, we are recording a podcast tonight, and your questions would be most gratefully appreciated. Any subject, you know the score. Drop them below and receive our confident (but plausibly wrong) answers!
Absolute peak FIFA that they reacted to being bent by becoming overwhelmingly bent
November 25, 2025 at 5:45 PM
Absolute peak FIFA that they reacted to being bent by becoming overwhelmingly bent
A bit later than I'd anticipated, but some words on last night's match between Manchester United and Everton. So long you treat it as a soap opera rather than sport, it can be cracking entertainment.
unexpecteddelirium.substack.com/p/peak-manch...
unexpecteddelirium.substack.com/p/peak-manch...
Peak Manchester United run head-first into Peak Everton on a Monday of Premier League low comedy
It's tempting to think that both clubs were doing a bit when they met at Old Trafford on Monday night.
unexpecteddelirium.substack.com
November 25, 2025 at 5:39 PM
A bit later than I'd anticipated, but some words on last night's match between Manchester United and Everton. So long you treat it as a soap opera rather than sport, it can be cracking entertainment.
unexpecteddelirium.substack.com/p/peak-manch...
unexpecteddelirium.substack.com/p/peak-manch...
I saw an inflatable Christmas tree which opened up and had a Santa inside it that peered out like some sort of big, air-filled nonce, the other day.
I'm kind of a massive fan of shopping centres at Christmas
Not because I'm a secret capitalist pig or something
It's just that you get to see ABSOLUTELY UNHINGED stuff like this singing polar bear
Not because I'm a secret capitalist pig or something
It's just that you get to see ABSOLUTELY UNHINGED stuff like this singing polar bear
November 25, 2025 at 5:26 PM
I saw an inflatable Christmas tree which opened up and had a Santa inside it that peered out like some sort of big, air-filled nonce, the other day.
To be fair, it was pretty gross
Then I sent a picture of it to @twoht.bsky.social
November 25, 2025 at 5:20 PM
To be fair, it was pretty gross
The incredible thing about this is that a newspaper will have access to a photo site like Reuters, Getty, Alamy or whoever from which they could have sourced an actual, untouched that they could have used. It might even actually have taken them longer to create this garbage.
Tell me you’ve used AI to tweak an archive photo without telling me you’ve used AI to tweak an archive photo. Breeds musnuey, indeed.
November 25, 2025 at 11:32 AM
The incredible thing about this is that a newspaper will have access to a photo site like Reuters, Getty, Alamy or whoever from which they could have sourced an actual, untouched that they could have used. It might even actually have taken them longer to create this garbage.
Last night on UD. On Liverpool, and the subject that it feels is rather being avoided with regard to their start to this season.
unexpecteddelirium.substack.com/p/liverpool-...
unexpecteddelirium.substack.com/p/liverpool-...
Liverpool, and the elephant in the room
Liverpool's start to the Premier League season may partly be explained by their summer transfer window, but it may also be ascribable to something else.
unexpecteddelirium.substack.com
November 25, 2025 at 11:28 AM
Last night on UD. On Liverpool, and the subject that it feels is rather being avoided with regard to their start to this season.
unexpecteddelirium.substack.com/p/liverpool-...
unexpecteddelirium.substack.com/p/liverpool-...
Actually, peak Everton might be that this is the first time that they've beaten United at Old Trafford since 2013, which is the last time United were any good.
November 24, 2025 at 10:09 PM
Actually, peak Everton might be that this is the first time that they've beaten United at Old Trafford since 2013, which is the last time United were any good.
I think we can all agree that was the funniest outcome.
November 24, 2025 at 9:58 PM
I think we can all agree that was the funniest outcome.
Liverpool have had a perplexing start to the season, but there's one lens through which it does make sense, and it's the one that's probably most difficult of all.
unexpecteddelirium.substack.com/p/liverpool-...
unexpecteddelirium.substack.com/p/liverpool-...
Liverpool, and the elephant in the room
Liverpool's start to the Premier League season may partly be explained by their summer transfer window, but it may also be ascribable to something else.
unexpecteddelirium.substack.com
November 24, 2025 at 8:03 PM
Liverpool have had a perplexing start to the season, but there's one lens through which it does make sense, and it's the one that's probably most difficult of all.
unexpecteddelirium.substack.com/p/liverpool-...
unexpecteddelirium.substack.com/p/liverpool-...
It's that time again! A preview of this afternoon's "Do We *Have* To?" Derby for @fotmob.com
www.fotmob.com/topnews/2405...
www.fotmob.com/topnews/2405...
Preview: The first North London Derby of the season
The North London rivals lock horns at The Emirates Stadium in the ‘Do We Have To?’ Derby on Sunday, as Arsenal seek to consolidate their position at the top of the Premier League.
www.fotmob.com
November 23, 2025 at 2:35 PM
It's that time again! A preview of this afternoon's "Do We *Have* To?" Derby for @fotmob.com
www.fotmob.com/topnews/2405...
www.fotmob.com/topnews/2405...
Bungaroosh, an outfield player in goal, and a feeling of a club that has lost its sense of direction. Your weekend match is here - Lewes vs Chatham Town in the Isthmian League Premier Division.
unexpecteddelirium.substack.com/p/the-weeken...
unexpecteddelirium.substack.com/p/the-weeken...
The Weekend Match: Lewes 0-2 Chatham Town - Down The Pan
Lewes FC had a strong identity not so long ago, but now it's difficult to avoid the feeling that something is going wrong at The Dripping Pan.
unexpecteddelirium.substack.com
November 23, 2025 at 2:32 PM
Bungaroosh, an outfield player in goal, and a feeling of a club that has lost its sense of direction. Your weekend match is here - Lewes vs Chatham Town in the Isthmian League Premier Division.
unexpecteddelirium.substack.com/p/the-weeken...
unexpecteddelirium.substack.com/p/the-weeken...
I've been writing about the Championship for work since May and it really is the most unfathomable of divisions.
A perplexing day for the locals.
Went to The Valley with my neighbour and ahead of kick-off, he proudly told me Charlton had lost just once at home this year.
We then watched Southampton score five goals in the first half.
Went to The Valley with my neighbour and ahead of kick-off, he proudly told me Charlton had lost just once at home this year.
We then watched Southampton score five goals in the first half.
November 22, 2025 at 3:58 PM
I've been writing about the Championship for work since May and it really is the most unfathomable of divisions.
Half time - Lewes 0-0 Chatham. Chatham had their goalkeeper sent off but they had a sub, the COWARDS.
Mind you, they're still the better team. The weather is beyond abysmal. Steady yourselves, ladies, but I'm saturated from the waist down.
Mind you, they're still the better team. The weather is beyond abysmal. Steady yourselves, ladies, but I'm saturated from the waist down.
November 22, 2025 at 3:56 PM
Half time - Lewes 0-0 Chatham. Chatham had their goalkeeper sent off but they had a sub, the COWARDS.
Mind you, they're still the better team. The weather is beyond abysmal. Steady yourselves, ladies, but I'm saturated from the waist down.
Mind you, they're still the better team. The weather is beyond abysmal. Steady yourselves, ladies, but I'm saturated from the waist down.
The Isles of Scilly Marketing Board knocking it out the park, here
November 22, 2025 at 12:28 PM
The Isles of Scilly Marketing Board knocking it out the park, here
Off to Lewes this afternoon, lads, to find out what sort of CRISIS is going on there at the moment. They're at home to Chatham Town. Also, I'm a little surprised by how many times I've been there but how little I've seen of the town itself.
unexpecteddelirium.substack.com/p/words-and-...
unexpecteddelirium.substack.com/p/words-and-...
Words & Pictures to Follow: Lewes vs Chatham Town - Crisis? What Crisis?
Lewes have had their ups and downs over the years, and at the moment they seem to be in a bit of a trough. But to what extent is this a CRISIS?
unexpecteddelirium.substack.com
November 22, 2025 at 9:49 AM
Off to Lewes this afternoon, lads, to find out what sort of CRISIS is going on there at the moment. They're at home to Chatham Town. Also, I'm a little surprised by how many times I've been there but how little I've seen of the town itself.
unexpecteddelirium.substack.com/p/words-and-...
unexpecteddelirium.substack.com/p/words-and-...
You match on UD this week will be Lewes vs Chatham Town in the Isthmian League Premier Division. Preview later, full write up on Sunday.
They're a CRISIS CLUB, according to this month's WSC. So let's go and see what this crisis is all about, then.
They're a CRISIS CLUB, according to this month's WSC. So let's go and see what this crisis is all about, then.
November 21, 2025 at 2:59 PM
You match on UD this week will be Lewes vs Chatham Town in the Isthmian League Premier Division. Preview later, full write up on Sunday.
They're a CRISIS CLUB, according to this month's WSC. So let's go and see what this crisis is all about, then.
They're a CRISIS CLUB, according to this month's WSC. So let's go and see what this crisis is all about, then.
It's going some, but I've contrived to miss every wicket since I woke up because I was pottering around the house doing things. I'm switching it off now so that Australia are skittled out by 8.30.
November 21, 2025 at 8:10 AM
It's going some, but I've contrived to miss every wicket since I woke up because I was pottering around the house doing things. I'm switching it off now so that Australia are skittled out by 8.30.
Reposted by Ian King
This place is going to become known as "Penis Park" and there's nothing they can do about it
November 20, 2025 at 8:14 PM
This place is going to become known as "Penis Park" and there's nothing they can do about it
"HE'S A GREAT DAD! HE IS! HE'S DEFINITELY NOT A KET-AFFLICTED WEIRDO WHO JUST WANTS TO SPERMINATE AS MANY WOMEN AS POSSIBLE BECAUSE HE BELIEVES HIS APARTHEID-FUELLED GENES ARE SUPERIOR TO ANYONE ELSE'S! THAT'S THE TRUTH!"
November 20, 2025 at 11:56 AM
"HE'S A GREAT DAD! HE IS! HE'S DEFINITELY NOT A KET-AFFLICTED WEIRDO WHO JUST WANTS TO SPERMINATE AS MANY WOMEN AS POSSIBLE BECAUSE HE BELIEVES HIS APARTHEID-FUELLED GENES ARE SUPERIOR TO ANYONE ELSE'S! THAT'S THE TRUTH!"