I don’t know why people think they don’t have to pick their dog’s poop off the sidewalk if it happens to be on top of snow, but I’m sure Malcom Gladwell could stretch the explanation out to full book length in Snow Turds: How Unusual Circumstances Create Unreasonable Behaviors
February 14, 2026 at 3:37 AM
I don’t know why people think they don’t have to pick their dog’s poop off the sidewalk if it happens to be on top of snow, but I’m sure Malcom Gladwell could stretch the explanation out to full book length in Snow Turds: How Unusual Circumstances Create Unreasonable Behaviors
When I post same joke here and on Threads, it’ll get 2 likes here and 300 likes on Threads, and neither is satisfying but in different ways.
February 6, 2026 at 5:38 AM
When I post same joke here and on Threads, it’ll get 2 likes here and 300 likes on Threads, and neither is satisfying but in different ways.
You must keep the conversation going. The algorithm demands the conversation keeps going. The algorithm promises likes and shares beyond your wildest dreams if you keep the conversation going.The algorithm says that if the conversation ends, you end.
February 5, 2026 at 11:38 PM
You must keep the conversation going. The algorithm demands the conversation keeps going. The algorithm promises likes and shares beyond your wildest dreams if you keep the conversation going.The algorithm says that if the conversation ends, you end.
To tell how fancy a Mexican restaurant is, simply take the price of their guacamole and divide it by the number of chips they give you. Tonight, my restaurant was a 9.
February 5, 2026 at 3:45 AM
To tell how fancy a Mexican restaurant is, simply take the price of their guacamole and divide it by the number of chips they give you. Tonight, my restaurant was a 9.
Feeding all of Epstein’s emails into a large language model to create the world’s worst AI Financier Agent.
February 1, 2026 at 5:17 PM
Feeding all of Epstein’s emails into a large language model to create the world’s worst AI Financier Agent.
I couldn’t tell you if Dead Man’s Wire was a good movie because about 5 minutes into it Al Pacino says he only eats his burritos cut into thirds and for the next hour and a half all I could think about was Pacino trying to eat that center third cut.
February 1, 2026 at 3:18 AM
I couldn’t tell you if Dead Man’s Wire was a good movie because about 5 minutes into it Al Pacino says he only eats his burritos cut into thirds and for the next hour and a half all I could think about was Pacino trying to eat that center third cut.
Snow was invented by the CIA to track where dogs pee
January 31, 2026 at 10:52 PM
Snow was invented by the CIA to track where dogs pee
The level of sibling rivalry we’re currently dealing with is my 6 year-old melting down because his younger brother saw dog poop and he didn’t.
January 31, 2026 at 4:04 PM
The level of sibling rivalry we’re currently dealing with is my 6 year-old melting down because his younger brother saw dog poop and he didn’t.
Everyone’s idea for fixing the internet boils down to bringing back something from when they liked the internet, which is myopic and naive, except when it’s my idea of bringing back GeoCities
January 30, 2026 at 5:35 AM
Everyone’s idea for fixing the internet boils down to bringing back something from when they liked the internet, which is myopic and naive, except when it’s my idea of bringing back GeoCities
If anyone in Brooklyn needs the snow outside their apartment kicked and stomped, my 6 year-old would love to do it while I tell him that we are late for school and need to keep going.
January 29, 2026 at 4:43 PM
If anyone in Brooklyn needs the snow outside their apartment kicked and stomped, my 6 year-old would love to do it while I tell him that we are late for school and need to keep going.
Calling ICE fascist doesn’t bother them, because they agree. I hate to say this, but if you really want to get under their skin you’ll have to use AI to make realistic and graphic videos of them sucking each other off.
January 25, 2026 at 2:48 AM
Calling ICE fascist doesn’t bother them, because they agree. I hate to say this, but if you really want to get under their skin you’ll have to use AI to make realistic and graphic videos of them sucking each other off.
The first person to kill an ICE agent is going to have a hell of a GoFundMe
January 24, 2026 at 5:13 PM
The first person to kill an ICE agent is going to have a hell of a GoFundMe
I don’t love how my kids show more respect for a timer going off on my phone than me saying it’s time to go.
January 22, 2026 at 1:44 PM
I don’t love how my kids show more respect for a timer going off on my phone than me saying it’s time to go.
2016 was when I noticed the trend starting of people online blaming all the very bad things that happened on the year itself, so it’s a little disconcerting to see all the people posting their photos from 2016 full of nostalgia.
January 17, 2026 at 10:33 PM
2016 was when I noticed the trend starting of people online blaming all the very bad things that happened on the year itself, so it’s a little disconcerting to see all the people posting their photos from 2016 full of nostalgia.
If Alamo Drafthouse is going to make people use their phones to order food during the movie, the least they could do is let us use Seamless so we can get food that’s actually good.
January 16, 2026 at 5:14 PM
If Alamo Drafthouse is going to make people use their phones to order food during the movie, the least they could do is let us use Seamless so we can get food that’s actually good.
Scooping Ben & Jerry’s from a pint into a bowl like it’s Benjamin and Gerald’s
January 11, 2026 at 3:42 AM
Scooping Ben & Jerry’s from a pint into a bowl like it’s Benjamin and Gerald’s
Who would win? Marty Supreme, Forrest Gump, or the velociraptor from Jurassic Park?
January 10, 2026 at 11:18 PM
Who would win? Marty Supreme, Forrest Gump, or the velociraptor from Jurassic Park?
I’m old enough to remember when a politician wearing a hat that makes them look like a little kid was enough to end their career.
January 9, 2026 at 4:25 AM
I’m old enough to remember when a politician wearing a hat that makes them look like a little kid was enough to end their career.
Congratulations to the English man who consistently shows up on British panel shows despite being objectively unfunny, you are now my second least favorite Jonathan Ross
January 9, 2026 at 3:57 AM
Congratulations to the English man who consistently shows up on British panel shows despite being objectively unfunny, you are now my second least favorite Jonathan Ross
Going through withdrawal from knowing what the dumbest people on Earth think after uninstalling Threads.
January 7, 2026 at 4:27 AM
Going through withdrawal from knowing what the dumbest people on Earth think after uninstalling Threads.
What Marty Supreme really nails about ping pong is that the trick to getting better is to not practice and get into a lot of life threatening hijinks.
January 7, 2026 at 3:13 AM
What Marty Supreme really nails about ping pong is that the trick to getting better is to not practice and get into a lot of life threatening hijinks.
While an unimpeachably hilarious joke about U2, now that my son is in kindergarten I’m beginning to discover some unintended consequences about teaching him that after three comes fourteen.
January 6, 2026 at 5:56 PM
While an unimpeachably hilarious joke about U2, now that my son is in kindergarten I’m beginning to discover some unintended consequences about teaching him that after three comes fourteen.
When my toddler needs help in the bathroom but also wants privacy
January 4, 2026 at 8:41 PM
When my toddler needs help in the bathroom but also wants privacy
I don’t care who this pisses off, there are only three genders: Coke, Diet Coke, and Coke Zero.
January 4, 2026 at 4:51 AM
I don’t care who this pisses off, there are only three genders: Coke, Diet Coke, and Coke Zero.
You just know Democrats are going to find the most useless response to Trump’s illegal war actions in Venezuela. My current bet is Schumer and Jeffries having a moment of silence outside an empanada joint.
January 3, 2026 at 1:08 PM
You just know Democrats are going to find the most useless response to Trump’s illegal war actions in Venezuela. My current bet is Schumer and Jeffries having a moment of silence outside an empanada joint.