Pinned
Adam Wentz
@adamwentz.com
· Jan 27
Sorry babe, this is a Tulsa King size mattress so it ain't big enough for the both of us
In a statement today, Robert Kennedy Jr. declared that all government-funded scientists and doctors would cease their current work and focus on figuring out "what the hell happened to my body"
February 13, 2025 at 5:45 PM
In a statement today, Robert Kennedy Jr. declared that all government-funded scientists and doctors would cease their current work and focus on figuring out "what the hell happened to my body"
Mr Rogers: Look for The Helpers.
Me: Oh that's nice a nice sentiment
Mr Rogers: They're 3 foot tall little freaks that come at night and do experiments on me
Me: Oh that's nice a nice sentiment
Mr Rogers: They're 3 foot tall little freaks that come at night and do experiments on me
February 12, 2025 at 1:46 AM
Mr Rogers: Look for The Helpers.
Me: Oh that's nice a nice sentiment
Mr Rogers: They're 3 foot tall little freaks that come at night and do experiments on me
Me: Oh that's nice a nice sentiment
Mr Rogers: They're 3 foot tall little freaks that come at night and do experiments on me
Let's see how you idiots like it when the pendulum swings the other way.
- Guy who is way too competitive about big grandfather clocks
- Guy who is way too competitive about big grandfather clocks
February 9, 2025 at 7:51 PM
Let's see how you idiots like it when the pendulum swings the other way.
- Guy who is way too competitive about big grandfather clocks
- Guy who is way too competitive about big grandfather clocks
Protesters used to be able to put their bodies on the gears/wheels/levers/etc but that stuff's all in The Cloud now
February 8, 2025 at 10:36 PM
Protesters used to be able to put their bodies on the gears/wheels/levers/etc but that stuff's all in The Cloud now
Just tanked my DOGE interview 😞
I failed to get "Rick" in the "Which Rick and Morty Character Are You Quiz" phase
I failed to get "Rick" in the "Which Rick and Morty Character Are You Quiz" phase
February 8, 2025 at 9:01 PM
Just tanked my DOGE interview 😞
I failed to get "Rick" in the "Which Rick and Morty Character Are You Quiz" phase
I failed to get "Rick" in the "Which Rick and Morty Character Are You Quiz" phase
DON'T LIKE: "that'll help the price of eggs *eyeroll* /s"
LIKE: Every other eggpost
LIKE: Every other eggpost
February 5, 2025 at 5:19 PM
DON'T LIKE: "that'll help the price of eggs *eyeroll* /s"
LIKE: Every other eggpost
LIKE: Every other eggpost
If Musk wants to prove he's a true gamer he should zero out his wealth and prestige capitalism. He'll get a wallet with a cool skin that shows he's on his second playthrough.
February 2, 2025 at 7:31 PM
If Musk wants to prove he's a true gamer he should zero out his wealth and prestige capitalism. He'll get a wallet with a cool skin that shows he's on his second playthrough.
DNC needs to appoint a leader whose name is a mononym like "Ripper" and they wear clothes made from highway debris zip-tied together
February 1, 2025 at 7:27 PM
DNC needs to appoint a leader whose name is a mononym like "Ripper" and they wear clothes made from highway debris zip-tied together
Chaos theory: if a frog pees with its pants all the way down, does it cause the US government to collapse 20 years later?
January 31, 2025 at 11:16 PM
Chaos theory: if a frog pees with its pants all the way down, does it cause the US government to collapse 20 years later?
You couldn't make Pink Flamingos today
January 30, 2025 at 9:27 PM
You couldn't make Pink Flamingos today
Dems need to hammer Trump on cost of living issues.
Don't be distracted by his order to hunt down and execute every member, past and present, of Cirque du Soleil under authority of the Alien Circus Act.
Don't be distracted by his order to hunt down and execute every member, past and present, of Cirque du Soleil under authority of the Alien Circus Act.
January 30, 2025 at 3:43 AM
Dems need to hammer Trump on cost of living issues.
Don't be distracted by his order to hunt down and execute every member, past and present, of Cirque du Soleil under authority of the Alien Circus Act.
Don't be distracted by his order to hunt down and execute every member, past and present, of Cirque du Soleil under authority of the Alien Circus Act.
I can understand why RFK jr might be an advocate for raw foods ever since he was grievously irradiated in a pasteurization accident
January 29, 2025 at 5:56 PM
I can understand why RFK jr might be an advocate for raw foods ever since he was grievously irradiated in a pasteurization accident
Press Secretary: We saw the Biden Administration spending money like drunken sailors--billions of dollars wasted on stupid tattoos
January 28, 2025 at 8:58 PM
Press Secretary: We saw the Biden Administration spending money like drunken sailors--billions of dollars wasted on stupid tattoos
Sorry babe, this is a Tulsa King size mattress so it ain't big enough for the both of us
January 27, 2025 at 4:04 AM
Sorry babe, this is a Tulsa King size mattress so it ain't big enough for the both of us
I don't crank my hog, thanks. Got a newer model that's solar powered
January 27, 2025 at 1:28 AM
I don't crank my hog, thanks. Got a newer model that's solar powered
Trump: Elon Musk. We all love Elon, right folks? Great with the electrics. Doing big things with the Ark of The Covenant. "X-Box" he likes to call it. Biden had it in a Chinese warehouse; not very smart.
January 25, 2025 at 8:59 PM
Trump: Elon Musk. We all love Elon, right folks? Great with the electrics. Doing big things with the Ark of The Covenant. "X-Box" he likes to call it. Biden had it in a Chinese warehouse; not very smart.
In the land of the blind, cash is king
January 25, 2025 at 7:05 PM
In the land of the blind, cash is king
Spy to other spy: Meet me in the rainy part of town
January 25, 2025 at 6:58 PM
Spy to other spy: Meet me in the rainy part of town
Pete Hegseth walks into a bar.
Bartender: What'll you have?
Hegseth: I'll have to fuckin' nuke China if I don't get served here--been kicked out of the last few bars I'm pretty wasted
Bartender: What'll you have?
Hegseth: I'll have to fuckin' nuke China if I don't get served here--been kicked out of the last few bars I'm pretty wasted
January 25, 2025 at 4:18 AM
Pete Hegseth walks into a bar.
Bartender: What'll you have?
Hegseth: I'll have to fuckin' nuke China if I don't get served here--been kicked out of the last few bars I'm pretty wasted
Bartender: What'll you have?
Hegseth: I'll have to fuckin' nuke China if I don't get served here--been kicked out of the last few bars I'm pretty wasted
Shit I've been putting my credit card in the email CC field for like a decade
January 24, 2025 at 11:05 PM
Shit I've been putting my credit card in the email CC field for like a decade
Dave Barry Syndrome is a neurological disorder where the patient frequently thinks groups of words would make a good band name. An early indication of DBS is "Dave Barry Syndrome" sounds like a good band name.
January 24, 2025 at 8:58 PM
Dave Barry Syndrome is a neurological disorder where the patient frequently thinks groups of words would make a good band name. An early indication of DBS is "Dave Barry Syndrome" sounds like a good band name.
I got kicked off of TikTok because my posts were "making the other posts less viral"
January 24, 2025 at 5:16 PM
I got kicked off of TikTok because my posts were "making the other posts less viral"
Did Trump pardon this guy too? Extra despicable imho since it sounds like he may have landed on or near a cat.
January 22, 2025 at 11:28 PM
Did Trump pardon this guy too? Extra despicable imho since it sounds like he may have landed on or near a cat.