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Alice McFlurry @alicemcflurry.bsky.social · 21h

All of these people are asking restaurants for gluten free bread as if there's not free piles of cardboard sitting right out back.

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Alice McFlurry @alicemcflurry.bsky.social · 1d

I feel bad for anyone who was born before 2019 and named COVID.

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Alice McFlurry @alicemcflurry.bsky.social · 2d

I wonder if L.L. Cool J is related to L.L. Bean.

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Alice McFlurry @alicemcflurry.bsky.social · 3d

🤣 And now is the time for me to admit that everything I post on Bluesky is intentionally on a 1+ year delay from when it was originally posted on Mastodon because I like to keep it REAL timely and relevant.

Screenshot of a dumb post by Alice McFlurry on Mastodon from 11/9/23 that says:

The Passion of the Christ does a great job at telling the origin story of CrossFit.

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Alice McFlurry @alicemcflurry.bsky.social · 3d

The Passion of the Christ does a great job at telling the origin story of CrossFit.

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Alice McFlurry @alicemcflurry.bsky.social · 4d

I use Mona. Before that, I used Ivory. I like them both, but Mona is my favorite.

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Alice McFlurry @alicemcflurry.bsky.social · 4d

I attend night classes because I’m hoping they're going to award me with a suit of armor even though I can't spell and don’t have a decent grasp on homophones.

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Alice McFlurry @alicemcflurry.bsky.social · 5d

What I lack in intelligence, I make up for with self-deprecation.

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Alice McFlurry @alicemcflurry.bsky.social · 6d

My parents worked a lot when I was a kid and I was pretty much raised by our small assortment of VHS tapes, so you can blame Freddy Krueger for how I communicate, bitch.

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Alice McFlurry @alicemcflurry.bsky.social · 7d

Never need a man again
Cause I got a mannequin
Gonna love on their smooth balls
'Til they kick me out tha mall

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Alice McFlurry @alicemcflurry.bsky.social · 8d

Every room is a panic room when you have anxiety like mine.

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Alice McFlurry @alicemcflurry.bsky.social · 9d

Just updated my LinkedIn profile!

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Alice McFlurry @alicemcflurry.bsky.social · 10d

I was thinking about having a kid just so I could eat their Halloween candy, but then I realized I’m an adult and I can just buy my own.

Any idea how much kids cost nowadays?

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Alice McFlurry @alicemcflurry.bsky.social · 11d

I know a lot of young girls are horse girls, but I'm a horseradish girl.

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Alice McFlurry @alicemcflurry.bsky.social · 12d

I wonder if the the members of Hoobastank unanimously agreed on that name.

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Alice McFlurry @alicemcflurry.bsky.social · 13d

My stripper name is Möbius.

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Alice McFlurry @alicemcflurry.bsky.social · 14d

By "lowbrow" y'all mean like a merkin, right?

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Alice McFlurry @alicemcflurry.bsky.social · 15d

Thinking about going to establishments wearing a very obvious disguise so the employees will think I’m a CEO on Undercover Boss and maybe actually provide decent service.

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Alice McFlurry @alicemcflurry.bsky.social · 16d

I wouldn't say I’m a judgmental person, but I bet a lot of other people would.

(but that's fine because I dislike those people for a wide variety of reasons)

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Alice McFlurry @alicemcflurry.bsky.social · 17d

Okay, sure, Mandela Effect. Next thing you're gonna do is try to claim that it's actually Frankenstain.

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Alice McFlurry @alicemcflurry.bsky.social · 18d

Fondue so good you'll order fondeux.

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Alice McFlurry @alicemcflurry.bsky.social · 19d

It's unnecessary to exhibit extremely verbose communication as a vehicle to demonstrate the existence of an extensive lexicon.

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Alice McFlurry @alicemcflurry.bsky.social · 20d

I still get carded whenever I go to Costco.

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Alice McFlurry @alicemcflurry.bsky.social · 21d

Ask me about my indifference.

Or don’t.

Whatever.

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Alice McFlurry @alicemcflurry.bsky.social · 22d

If you're looking for a white noise machine, might I recommend a 2014 MacBook Pro where the fan NEVER SHUTS OFF?

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