❌NO VINEGAR ALLOWED!❌
Not even in salad shakers!
(This means YOU, Carol!)
❌NO VINEGAR ALLOWED!❌
Not even in salad shakers!
(This means YOU, Carol!)
Today:
💻✉️: “WHY ARE MEN’S AND WOMEN’S BUTT—”
ME: “Hee-hee! This is gonna be GOOD!”
💻✉️: “—ONS ON OPPOSITE SIDES?”
ME: “Aw. Not where I thought they were goin’ with that…”
Today:
💻✉️: “WHY ARE MEN’S AND WOMEN’S BUTT—”
ME: “Hee-hee! This is gonna be GOOD!”
💻✉️: “—ONS ON OPPOSITE SIDES?”
ME: “Aw. Not where I thought they were goin’ with that…”
You can be harassed
By hummingbirds
As you’re trying to refill
Their feeder
Like tiny winged cats
Waiting for supper
That can hover
At eye-level
Forever
You can be harassed
By hummingbirds
As you’re trying to refill
Their feeder
Like tiny winged cats
Waiting for supper
That can hover
At eye-level
Forever
My daughter’s violin was stolen from our home by a cleaning service and I know that it is a long shot, but I am desperately seeking it.
(Geese get goose goosebumps. 😂!)
(Geese get goose goosebumps. 😂!)
It’s getting cold outside.
If you keep chewing gum in your car, it’s getting cold, too. And cold gum is HARD gum!
ASK ME HOW I KNOW!
😅😂💥🦷💥!
(I’m totally fine. Was just “OW!” and SURPRISED! 😅😂!)
It’s getting cold outside.
If you keep chewing gum in your car, it’s getting cold, too. And cold gum is HARD gum!
ASK ME HOW I KNOW!
😅😂💥🦷💥!
(I’m totally fine. Was just “OW!” and SURPRISED! 😅😂!)
At first, I felt a little Less Than.
I wasn’t raised Calvinist.
Don’t really know what being raised Calvinist means.
Then I remembered:
I was raised Calvinist AND Hobbes.
*lifts chin confidently*
At first, I felt a little Less Than.
I wasn’t raised Calvinist.
Don’t really know what being raised Calvinist means.
Then I remembered:
I was raised Calvinist AND Hobbes.
*lifts chin confidently*
ME: “It’s not.”
CATALOG: “No, we mean it this time. This may ACTUALLY be YOUR LAST CATALOG!”
ME: “Nope. I’ll be 100 years old, attempting Fonzie’s waterski-over-🦈s stunt, crash, die, get buried, & STILL get this catalog!”
CATALOG:
ME: “It’s not.”
CATALOG: “No, we mean it this time. This may ACTUALLY be YOUR LAST CATALOG!”
ME: “Nope. I’ll be 100 years old, attempting Fonzie’s waterski-over-🦈s stunt, crash, die, get buried, & STILL get this catalog!”
CATALOG:
“I BUY ALL COLLECTIBLES!”
MY 🧠: “Well, that can’t be right. I mean, ALL collectibles? You’d run out of space. Like, 📞: ‘Hello, Storage City? Hi. I’d like to rent a unit. No, larger. LARGER. What do you have in a small planet? Yes, I’ll hold.’”
“I BUY ALL COLLECTIBLES!”
MY 🧠: “Well, that can’t be right. I mean, ALL collectibles? You’d run out of space. Like, 📞: ‘Hello, Storage City? Hi. I’d like to rent a unit. No, larger. LARGER. What do you have in a small planet? Yes, I’ll hold.’”
So anyways, now I’m the one who has to take out the trash.
So anyways, now I’m the one who has to take out the trash.
It’s so windy here, our zombie gnome keeps blowing over.
HE LOOKS SO SURPRISED! 😂!
It’s so windy here, our zombie gnome keeps blowing over.
HE LOOKS SO SURPRISED! 😂!
I SMELL LIKE BBQ!
(Wait. Not a bad thing… 😂!)
I SMELL LIKE BBQ!
(Wait. Not a bad thing… 😂!)
But sometimes, I have WEIRRRD little thoughts.
This is one of them.
(Sorry in advance!)
But sometimes, I have WEIRRRD little thoughts.
This is one of them.
(Sorry in advance!)
A pumpkin
A real pumpkin!
Growing on a vine
In that little patch of dirt
Near the curb
Downtown
A whole real pumpkin!
Well, whole except for
A few little teeth marks
As if sampled by
A curious squirrel
Or even more curious
Toddler
A pumpkin
A real pumpkin!
Growing on a vine
In that little patch of dirt
Near the curb
Downtown
A whole real pumpkin!
Well, whole except for
A few little teeth marks
As if sampled by
A curious squirrel
Or even more curious
Toddler
💻: “Your order weighs less than our minimum order weight of 9 lbs. Add 6 lbs. to your 🛒 to check out.”
ME: “How ’bout a small bowling ball? Like when your family wants to go bowling but you’re tired?”
💻:
💻: “Your order weighs less than our minimum order weight of 9 lbs. Add 6 lbs. to your 🛒 to check out.”
ME: “How ’bout a small bowling ball? Like when your family wants to go bowling but you’re tired?”
💻:
Then I read a review from another lady who said she bought them, too—
As toys for her PARROT.
I HAVE THE FASHION SENSE OF A BIRD! 😅😂😂😂!
Then I read a review from another lady who said she bought them, too—
As toys for her PARROT.
I HAVE THE FASHION SENSE OF A BIRD! 😅😂😂😂!
A beebeetle?
A beebeetle?
Hope YOU have A GREAT FALL!
(If not, you can get A GREAT FALL at your fave bookstore or library! 😂!)
BAT, CAT & RAT:
🍂A GREAT FALL🍂
📝 by me, 🎨 by #MarkTeague
@SimonKIDS.bsky.social
THANKS for including A GREAT FALL in YOUR #Fall #reading fun! ❤️!
🦇🐈🐀: “THANK YOU!”
Hope YOU have A GREAT FALL!
(If not, you can get A GREAT FALL at your fave bookstore or library! 😂!)
BAT, CAT & RAT:
🍂A GREAT FALL🍂
📝 by me, 🎨 by #MarkTeague
@SimonKIDS.bsky.social
THANKS for including A GREAT FALL in YOUR #Fall #reading fun! ❤️!
🦇🐈🐀: “THANK YOU!”