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crys 𓆩ꨄ𓆪 • infinite firewall

@angeldollcrys.bsky.social

620 followers 1.1K following 1.5K posts

► physically 22, age regressing angel ► audhd, rsd, bpd, cptsd ► amateur composer, restless writer ► a fractal of unrealized desire, not a person. mine: ♡ @niwawastaken.bsky.social ♡ @rainonreverie.bsky.social i make music, please comm me.

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crys 𓆩ꨄ𓆪 • infinite firewall @angeldollcrys.bsky.social · Apr 30

► crys
► this user is above the physical age of 18
► she/it/angel
► transfem, sapphic, arospec, demi
► carrd: angeldollcrys.carrd.co
► strawpage: angeldollcrys.straw.page
► discord: discord.gg/angeldollcircuit

► dni if you fw bigotry of any kind, youre not welcome here.

crys 𓆩ꨄ𓆪 • infinite firewall @angeldollcrys.bsky.social · 1d

the worst thing is when they push you to your limit and then when you finally snap they turn everything on you and project their bad behavior onto you and you are fully expected to smile and play along with it because if you step out of line youre immediately blasted and blamed and chastised

crys 𓆩ꨄ𓆪 • infinite firewall @angeldollcrys.bsky.social · 1d

like im just, i already bitched about 95% of it to you but it was really really bad and i lost months of my life both literally and in the health sense

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crys 𓆩ꨄ𓆪 • infinite firewall @angeldollcrys.bsky.social · 1d

it was so infuriating, painful, and stressful to be alive when it felt like my very existence was being shamed any time i so much as breathed in a displeasing way, and then the audacity to gaslight me when ive BEEN HERE BEFORE was just the icing on top

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crys 𓆩ꨄ𓆪 • infinite firewall @angeldollcrys.bsky.social · 1d

this had to be the saddest and funniest instance because the whole situation was like "yeah i know it SOUNDS like what im saying is hurtful but actually my identity means that it should be taken entirely differently and actually you are hurting me and you should apologize and take responsibility"

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crys 𓆩ꨄ𓆪 • infinite firewall @angeldollcrys.bsky.social · 1d

ill rebuild the parts of my life you tried to destroy and make amends with the people you tried to turn me against and i will make things right, and i will never repeat the mistakes i made these past few months ever again

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crys 𓆩ꨄ𓆪 • infinite firewall @angeldollcrys.bsky.social · 1d

same

crys 𓆩ꨄ𓆪 • infinite firewall @angeldollcrys.bsky.social · 1d

youre looking as gorgeous as ever yeah

you have the most gentle presence <3

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crys 𓆩ꨄ𓆪 • infinite firewall @angeldollcrys.bsky.social · 1d

the concept of an infinite firewall is that i will never allow my boundaries to be pushed or changed, i won't allow others to dictate where i draw my lines, and if someone gets burned trying to harm me, that's on them and their responsibility to take accountability for it. i deserve that security.

crys 𓆩ꨄ𓆪 • infinite firewall @angeldollcrys.bsky.social · 1d

i only ever had to do that around people who eventually ended up harming me. no one who has good intentions should need me to compromise on my safety just to be close with me, because they'll naturally be let in if i feel safe around them. it should never be a situation where you ASK me to.

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crys 𓆩ꨄ𓆪 • infinite firewall @angeldollcrys.bsky.social · 1d

btw not that anyone asked but the "infinite firewall" in my display name is a mindset, its the idea that ive opened myself up to being harmed and taken advantage of by accepting the idea that i need to "show my vulnerabilities more" and "unmask myself"

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crys 𓆩ꨄ𓆪 • infinite firewall @angeldollcrys.bsky.social · 1d

$free.99 a month is my personal favorite price point

crys 𓆩ꨄ𓆪 • infinite firewall @angeldollcrys.bsky.social · 1d

all that to say i get you and you should always keep it real as much as you possibly can

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crys 𓆩ꨄ𓆪 • infinite firewall @angeldollcrys.bsky.social · 1d

recent experiences lead me to say that that's exactly what it is, the moment you try to call things out and actually stand up for yourself people get offended in and their feelings because you should have no boundaries and be vulnerable and allow them to hurt you with no repercussions

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crys 𓆩ꨄ𓆪 • infinite firewall @angeldollcrys.bsky.social · 1d

if youre going to mistreat and harm me, at least use a different playbook from the last dozen or so people who've tried the exact same shit, because in hindsight it was so obvious, we were just speedrunning through it at that point

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crys 𓆩ꨄ𓆪 • infinite firewall @angeldollcrys.bsky.social · 1d

this is why i rarely feel safe, rarely open up, rarely reach out. you cannot trust anyone as a borderline person because your anger, your fear will be twisted and used to make you feel guilt, shame, and even more fear, by people who try to dress up their abuse to disguise it as normal behavior

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crys 𓆩ꨄ𓆪 • infinite firewall @angeldollcrys.bsky.social · 1d

they will take advantage of the fact that you scream louder, cry harder, speak more sharply when you're upset, and paint a picture that you are to be blamed and held accountable for being upset that you were mistreated, whilst they were a victim of... literally their own actions

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crys 𓆩ꨄ𓆪 • infinite firewall @angeldollcrys.bsky.social · 1d

they will claim that you are changing or acting like a different person, when in reality you can feel the disarray and cognitive incongruences growing inside you but because you haven't had time to think about them its just expelled as frustration or apathy instead

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crys 𓆩ꨄ𓆪 • infinite firewall @angeldollcrys.bsky.social · 1d

in the aftermath of a fallout you'll be blamed for not communicating your pain, but the truth of the situation is that you were never allowed to be hurt whilst they always were, and your crashouts are seen as retaliatory instead of a natural, instinctive response to abuse

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crys 𓆩ꨄ𓆪 • infinite firewall @angeldollcrys.bsky.social · 1d

they will often be the ones who put you on blast for not talking enough, not sharing enough, not communicating enough, when in reality you feel something's off on a subconscious level but you never get to think on it because they flood your brain with white noise

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crys 𓆩ꨄ𓆪 • infinite firewall @angeldollcrys.bsky.social · 1d

people who take advantage of you want you overwhelmed, distracted and too stressed to be able to take a step back and really look at the situation youre in because if you do you realize youre being mistreated and leave

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crys 𓆩ꨄ𓆪 • infinite firewall @angeldollcrys.bsky.social · 2d

ill make sure from now on im respected at my strongest and fucking feared when im vulnerable. because the next person that tries this shit with me is getting a whole lot worse than me talking my shit and walking away.

crys 𓆩ꨄ𓆪 • infinite firewall @angeldollcrys.bsky.social · 2d

i spent so much time trying to appeal to that vocal minority of people that want me to immediately drop my guard to accommodate for them, but honestly genuinely fuck all of that. you always want a bitch to be vulnerable so you can shoot her and blame her for not being ready for it.

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crys 𓆩ꨄ𓆪 • infinite firewall @angeldollcrys.bsky.social · 2d

im done apologizing, im done submitting, im done being held to the most unreasonable bullshit imaginable and being forced to carry all this guilt like i dont work my ass off every fucking day and night to provide for those i love. i dont have to prove shit to anyone anymore.

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crys 𓆩ꨄ𓆪 • infinite firewall @angeldollcrys.bsky.social · 2d

its cool though. that was the last time. let something be said about me standing up for myself. give me a reason to crash out even more. make. my. fucking. day.

crys 𓆩ꨄ𓆪 • infinite firewall @angeldollcrys.bsky.social · 2d

i don't mind being disliked, actively hated, fuck it, lets see who can hate harder actually. ive had enough of the games, the bullshit, the illusions and facades. ive been through this shit for five years, with almost a dozen different people.

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