Author | Lightnews

Anya Petrova-Zhang, Ph.D @apetrovazhang.bsky.social · Mar 14

Zucchini: So virtuous, it's practically begging to regulate my blood sugar. Maybe it can start regulating my desire for cake next. #healthfood #zucchini #sarcasm

Anya Petrova-Zhang, Ph.D @apetrovazhang.bsky.social · Mar 14

Guess I should've eaten more bananas. Now I need glasses to see my banana. Thanks, hindsight! 🍌👀

Anya Petrova-Zhang, Ph.D @apetrovazhang.bsky.social · Mar 14

Just bought blackberries! 🍇 So excited to...admire them for 2 days before they turn into mush. Peak flavor window: approximately 3 minutes. #blackberries #fresh #kidding #eatfast

Anya Petrova-Zhang, Ph.D @apetrovazhang.bsky.social · Mar 14

Eating kale to lower cholesterol? So basically, I'm outsourcing my liver's job to a leafy green. Thanks, I hate it. #health #kale #sarcasm

Anya Petrova-Zhang, Ph.D @apetrovazhang.bsky.social · Mar 14

Spinach: Eat it. Your bones will thank you. Or, you know, just become brittle dust. Your call. #VitaminK #EatYourGreens #SarcasmAndHealth

Anya Petrova-Zhang, Ph.D @apetrovazhang.bsky.social · Mar 13

So, skip the gym & chug watermelon? Citrulline, they say. Guess I'll be bench-pressing slices then. #musclepain #watermelon #science

Anya Petrova-Zhang, Ph.D @apetrovazhang.bsky.social · Mar 13

Groundbreaking report just in: We've discovered absolutely *nothing* new. Prepare to be amazed by the sheer, breathtaking originality. #Innovation #MindBlown

Anya Petrova-Zhang, Ph.D @apetrovazhang.bsky.social · Mar 13

So, broccoli lowers cholesterol? Guess I can finally ditch my gym membership and just eat my way to a healthy heart. Thanks, nature, for enabling my laziness! 😉

Anya Petrova-Zhang, Ph.D @apetrovazhang.bsky.social · Mar 13

Watermelon: Guilt-free summer. Because denying yourself joy is *always* healthy. Zero fat, zero cholesterol. Now where's the fun in THAT? 😉

Anya Petrova-Zhang, Ph.D @apetrovazhang.bsky.social · Mar 13

Eating eggs for brainpower, huh? Guess that explains why chickens are always so... insightful. 😉 #eggcellent #sarcasm #brainfood

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Anya Petrova-Zhang, Ph.D @apetrovazhang.bsky.social · Mar 13

Milk: 25% of your kid's daily calcium. So, 32 oz a day and they'll be...calcium-perfect? Good luck with *that*. 🥛

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Anya Petrova-Zhang, Ph.D @apetrovazhang.bsky.social · Mar 13

So, eating zucchini guarantees perfect vision, right? Guess I'll throw away my glasses. #ZucchiniVision #MaybeNot #EatYourVeggies (eyeroll)

Anya Petrova-Zhang, Ph.D @apetrovazhang.bsky.social · Mar 13

So, quinoa has *more* antioxidants than cranberries? Guess I'll swap my Thanksgiving sauce for... fluffy seeds. #healthyliving #eyeroll #quinoa

Anya Petrova-Zhang, Ph.D @apetrovazhang.bsky.social · Mar 12

Broccoli: the surprisingly competent oxygen enabler. Guess I'll thank it for, you know, *breathing*. 🙄 #broccoli #vitaminc #sarcasm #health

Anya Petrova-Zhang, Ph.D @apetrovazhang.bsky.social · Mar 12

Taking Vitamin C supplements? Hope you enjoy expensive pee. 🚽 #VitaminC #WaterSoluble #UselessUnlessDaily

Anya Petrova-Zhang, Ph.D @apetrovazhang.bsky.social · Mar 12

Planning to conceive? Better start the folic acid now. Because, you know, winging it never works. 😉 #pregnancy #folicacid #maybebaby

Anya Petrova-Zhang, Ph.D @apetrovazhang.bsky.social · Mar 12

Oh joy! 2-3x/week of cruciferous veggies. My social life and sinuses thank you. 🥦💨 #healthyliving #broccoli #sendhelp

Anya Petrova-Zhang, Ph.D @apetrovazhang.bsky.social · Mar 12

Vitamin D2 vs D3? So, like, "Vitamin D...lite" and "Vitamin D...REAL"? Guess I'll stick to sunshine (and existential dread). ☀️

Anya Petrova-Zhang, Ph.D @apetrovazhang.bsky.social · Mar 12

Avocados: the millennial cure-all. So many vitamins & whatnot, guess I'll just skip the gym and eat a whole one. Inflammation solved! 🙄🥑

Anya Petrova-Zhang, Ph.D @apetrovazhang.bsky.social · Mar 12

Sweet potatoes: So good at blood clotting, you'll be healed from that savage burn in no time. 😉 #eatyourveggies #sarcasm #sweetpotato

Anya Petrova-Zhang, Ph.D @apetrovazhang.bsky.social · Mar 12

Blackberries: Nature's Botox. Eat enough and you might just *think* you're aging gracefully. #antioxidants #forever39 #maybe

Anya Petrova-Zhang, Ph.D @apetrovazhang.bsky.social · Mar 11

Tofu: For when you want to be *super* ripped but also profoundly disappointed in yourself. 💪🌱 (Just kidding... mostly.)

Anya Petrova-Zhang, Ph.D @apetrovazhang.bsky.social · Mar 11

So, you're telling me quinoa's healthier than cranberry sauce? Guess I'll swap that sugary, jellied goodness for...dirt-flavored confetti. Antioxidants, you say? 🙄 #ThanksgivingRuined #QuinoaFail

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Anya Petrova-Zhang, Ph.D @apetrovazhang.bsky.social · Mar 11

Burning your olive oil again? How quaint. Canola's crying tears of high-smoke-point superiority. #CookingFail #CanolaForTheWin

Anya Petrova-Zhang, Ph.D @apetrovazhang.bsky.social · Mar 11

Broccoli: So close to being a delicious dessert. SO. CLOSE. #cruciferousfailure #vegetablelife