Author | Lightnews

BlueLight439 @bluelight439.bsky.social · 2h

Life, please help me, I shouldn't keep living like this..Either me or the unwanted cats have to leave...But I have nowhere to go & my mom can't rehome the unwanted cats & makes money off them. I understand, but still horrible how my mom is sacrificing my health for money & unwanted cats' well-being.

BlueLight439 @bluelight439.bsky.social · 2h

Still, I NEED to get out of here & at least have proper air to breathe as soon as possible. Years ago, I was devastated about moving to a place that's dirty, ugly & broken. Unlike then, now I also live in a more limited & uncomfortable way because of living with 10+ cats & I lack proper air. kms...

1

BlueLight439 @bluelight439.bsky.social · 2h

I know some of the things I said are ugly, but you shouldn't blame me, I'm suffering & desperate. There's a chance I will have a place that legally belongs to me in the future, that would solve multiple problems I have in my life, but that's not something that can happen soon, I don't know when.

1

BlueLight439 @bluelight439.bsky.social · 3h

She kept taking in more cats without owners every year since 2020, so this could be an endless thing too. I confronted, made suggestions, begged, yelled at & even threatened my mom so much, but this problem only kept getting worse...I want proper air to breathe...why does my life hate me so much...?

1

BlueLight439 @bluelight439.bsky.social · 3h

Average lifespan of cats is 16 years, if I don't get out of here, I will spend so much of my life rotting because of them, I've already been dealing with this for a few years. My life only keeps getting worse. I keep losing the good things I have. I lost my friends. I even lost access to proper air.

1

BlueLight439 @bluelight439.bsky.social · 3h

Even outside of that, living with 10+ cats is really annoying & uncomfortable in general. Honestly fuck my mom for putting me in this living condition, we need money & those cats have nowhere else to go, but my health & life quality are being damaged badly! I wish I could get out of here already!

1

BlueLight439 @bluelight439.bsky.social · 3h

I miss when I lived with my cats only and not 10+ cats so much... It's so awful spending time outside of home, including other people's homes, being healthy and comfortable the entire time, but then becoming sick and having a runny nose again after coming home. I'm stuck like this & hate it so much.

BlueLight439 @bluelight439.bsky.social · Sep 16

I really fucking hate my life. I wish even not living in a toxic atmosphere wasn't too much to ask for. I constantly get sick because living with 10+ cats is too much for my body, but I'm forced to live with them because of my mom, us being unable to rehome ones I don't want and financial problems.

1

BlueLight439 @bluelight439.bsky.social · 1d

People who are too sensitive to reasonable criticism/confrontation deserve crotch kicks.

I don't think it's ok to be harsh to people just because they messed up, but if you feel so attacked even if they're not being harsh to you, it means you're too self-centered.

BlueLight439 @bluelight439.bsky.social · 3d

I wasn't there when it happened. Recently my mom was outside, she was tearing a liver to pieces to feed stray cats but bile (a gross green goo) splashed all over her, some even got in her mouth. My mom is a victim of meat beating. 1 comment = 1 pray

BlueLight439 @bluelight439.bsky.social · 6d

I know the positive stuff & the bad stuff about the friendship we had, but who he is now is what I mainly put into account, that's the proper way. I'm very proud to be very different from the people who hurt me horribly. A part of me still wishes we could be friends again, but I'm unable to do that.

BlueLight439 @bluelight439.bsky.social · 7d

I feel sorry. But I don't feel the same way about him as I did in the past anymore. Not impossible, but our friendship rekindling is unlikely. It is nice that I didn't fail to be someone he wants, sad that other factors prevent our friendship's return. Thank you for recognising my value & caring...

1

BlueLight439 @bluelight439.bsky.social · 7d

Figured it out. I can't be friends with him. Those days we talked after he apologised gave me all the info I needed. He is someone I can't really enjoy the company of. I can't see myself liking him unless he changes significantly. It would be for the wrong reasons if I became friends with him again.

BlueLight439 @bluelight439.bsky.social · 24d

He was willing to talk to me/spend time with me for hours like everyday. Which is something that makes close friendships feel fulfilling for me & I desperately need. Whatever, I won't stress much over whether or not I'll be friends with him again & I'll leave the answers to time. I need space atm.

1

BlueLight439 @bluelight439.bsky.social · 9d

I get that me wanting to spend time with her a lot made her feel pressure,but it actually wasn't as bad as she perceived it (people can't always be there due to life stuff, me neither, it's ok)&she wanted that from someone else&implied I'm unwanted&less. Whatever, I realised I don't want her either.

BlueLight439 @bluelight439.bsky.social · 9d

Her thinking in weird ways, her seeing details that don't exist & failing to see details that are real are big issues with her that have seriously hurt me a lot already. Being nd isn't an excuse&it's not JUST because of being nd. I loved her when we were friends, but clarity hit hard after it ended.

1

BlueLight439 @bluelight439.bsky.social · 9d

unreasonably too much & wants to talk to her a lot because of not having anyone else and not out of love (ew)), but I can't be friends with her again. I don't like her & her being too wonky in the head is a big problem for me, it's dangerous even. There are big issues with her thinking & perception.

1

BlueLight439 @bluelight439.bsky.social · 9d

My mom said maybe she will return to me if she gets bored of or starts having problems with her gf. It would make me feel better if she apologised to me instead of believing that stupid false narrative of me she has in her head (me being an overdemanding meanie who doesn't understand her, complains

1

BlueLight439 @bluelight439.bsky.social · 9d

were enough things to reassure me that our friendship was still in a great state, but that's really false, there was nothing to reassure me after a certain point. And impact mostly matters more than intent. Just because you didn't intend things or understand things doesn't mean you didn't mess up.

1

BlueLight439 @bluelight439.bsky.social · 9d

Did she even know me if she thought I would be ok with being told things like "you were my closest friend before she and I got closer & started talking more" "I can't make much time for you because of having a gf"? And those are just 2 examples out of many hurtful things she did. She may think there

1

BlueLight439 @bluelight439.bsky.social · 9d

it's ok to need to be alone sometimes. To me, it looks like she wanted me to be someone who is very ok with being less to her than I was before & compared to someone else & our friendship not being as good as before,never criticises her,does a big majority of the effort in the friendship. Messed up.

1

BlueLight439 @bluelight439.bsky.social · 9d

to criticism, but that's not an excuse. I wasn't being harsh to her either, I only showed I was upset. There were times she didn't talk to me for weeks without warning, I wasn't wrong to get upset about that either because she didn't properly let me know before disappearing,that's dismissive even if

1

BlueLight439 @bluelight439.bsky.social · 9d

that caused more damage. She blamed me & said I'm vilifying a lot of things she does, didn't bother trying to care about & understand about my point of view more. I honestly believe everything I got upset about were things that I was right to be upset about. I get that some people are too sensitive

1

BlueLight439 @bluelight439.bsky.social · 9d

lacks self-awareness, she did & said so much stuff that made me feel that I'm less, not good enough & a burden, yet she failed to properly see why I do. She also distanced more, talked to me even less when I confronted her about things that were bothering me, which was another cold & dismissive move

1

BlueLight439 @bluelight439.bsky.social · 9d

was also showing how I'm so less to her. One of the many hurtful things she said to me was "don't get upset when I forget to reply because of talking to my gf" do you even hear yourself? What does it imply if I get forgotten & dismissed so much compared to someone else? It's baffling how much she

1

BlueLight439 @bluelight439.bsky.social · 9d

she quickly & easily was willing to do that with someone else. Can't you see how bad that is? Why should I be blamed for being upset & not reminding her more than I already did? Have some self-awareness,stop blaming me for everything & asking for too much from me while barely making any effort. This

1

BlueLight439 @bluelight439.bsky.social · 9d

had already brought it up many times, we even planned on a specific date once that she ditched, I brought it up even after that too. I had given up & was hoping for her to bring it up because I had already done enough & was thinking she can mention it if she actually wants to. But she didn't,instead

1