Pinned
coach
@captaincoach.bsky.social
· Nov 23
it’s right now o’clock
fuck my fucking chungus life
January 29, 2026 at 11:25 PM
fuck my fucking chungus life
in middle school i had a “friend” who used to punch me in the tits all the time and say it stunted growth. should i send her the bill for my breast augmentation in april???????????????
January 27, 2026 at 5:18 PM
in middle school i had a “friend” who used to punch me in the tits all the time and say it stunted growth. should i send her the bill for my breast augmentation in april???????????????
my friday night plans are to go big potty
January 9, 2026 at 9:39 PM
my friday night plans are to go big potty
fuck trump fuck vance fuck ice fuck pedos fuck fascism fuck fossil fuels fuck fast fashion FFFFFFUUUUUCCCCCKKKKK
January 9, 2026 at 7:24 PM
fuck trump fuck vance fuck ice fuck pedos fuck fascism fuck fossil fuels fuck fast fashion FFFFFFUUUUUCCCCCKKKKK
the year is 2036. the iphone 1 billion was just released. it has a feature that jerks you off but the lube is sold separately.
January 8, 2026 at 10:19 PM
the year is 2036. the iphone 1 billion was just released. it has a feature that jerks you off but the lube is sold separately.
my new year’s resolution is to measure once and cut twice
December 30, 2025 at 6:38 PM
my new year’s resolution is to measure once and cut twice
does anyone have access to some local anesthetic that they can shoot into my foot i have a weird thing i need to shave off but it hurts
December 30, 2025 at 6:36 PM
does anyone have access to some local anesthetic that they can shoot into my foot i have a weird thing i need to shave off but it hurts
we never got a one direction christmas album and i’m physically sick i could throw up what a tragedy
December 17, 2025 at 4:17 PM
we never got a one direction christmas album and i’m physically sick i could throw up what a tragedy
my new year’s resolution is to start publicly calling people out for not washing their hands after using the bathroom
December 16, 2025 at 7:37 PM
my new year’s resolution is to start publicly calling people out for not washing their hands after using the bathroom
my new year’s resolution is to wipe less
December 6, 2025 at 3:26 AM
my new year’s resolution is to wipe less
where my cutie patooties at ?
December 5, 2025 at 8:44 PM
where my cutie patooties at ?
happy “happy thanksgiving, pilgrims” day to those who celebrate
November 27, 2025 at 2:27 PM
happy “happy thanksgiving, pilgrims” day to those who celebrate
at this point graveyards are just goth dog parks
November 25, 2025 at 12:54 PM
at this point graveyards are just goth dog parks
it’s right now o’clock
November 23, 2025 at 5:13 PM
it’s right now o’clock
running errands via automobile rn and i spot 2 alternative peeps walking, one with pink hair and the other with green hair. it took every ounce of self control i have to not roll down the window, point at them, and yell WOOAH WOOAH WOOOOAAAAHHHH WOAH al a keke palmer at the one award show
November 20, 2025 at 5:29 PM
running errands via automobile rn and i spot 2 alternative peeps walking, one with pink hair and the other with green hair. it took every ounce of self control i have to not roll down the window, point at them, and yell WOOAH WOOAH WOOOOAAAAHHHH WOAH al a keke palmer at the one award show
i can forgive a lot of unpleasant personality traits if someone is hard working and reliable
November 17, 2025 at 10:49 PM
i can forgive a lot of unpleasant personality traits if someone is hard working and reliable
just booked a consultation for a boob job :)
November 12, 2025 at 9:41 PM
just booked a consultation for a boob job :)
in a lyft heading to the consolato generale d’italia singing my heart will go on with my driver don’t txt
November 7, 2025 at 2:37 PM
in a lyft heading to the consolato generale d’italia singing my heart will go on with my driver don’t txt
don’t let your scabs hold you back from reaching your full potential
November 6, 2025 at 8:52 PM
don’t let your scabs hold you back from reaching your full potential
someone put me on a flight to paris im in the mood to curb stomp pick pockets
November 4, 2025 at 9:56 PM
someone put me on a flight to paris im in the mood to curb stomp pick pockets
im a mamdani sun, cuomo moon, and sliwa rising
October 29, 2025 at 10:54 PM
im a mamdani sun, cuomo moon, and sliwa rising
i hate my chungus life
October 23, 2025 at 4:11 PM
i hate my chungus life
i love my chungus life
October 17, 2025 at 8:25 PM
i love my chungus life
sorry im that kind of tired that has been living in my bones for many years and sleep won’t fix
October 10, 2025 at 6:41 PM
sorry im that kind of tired that has been living in my bones for many years and sleep won’t fix
oh boy another piece of plastic in a new shape or color better buy this to add to my collection of other pieces of plastic that sit in my dust filled shitty apartment
October 10, 2025 at 6:37 PM
oh boy another piece of plastic in a new shape or color better buy this to add to my collection of other pieces of plastic that sit in my dust filled shitty apartment